Three crazy weeks X.x

So I didn't realize HOW crazy things would get until I went to work today.

I have a crazy schedule, but I'm also going to be making a decent amount of money (honestly, I think I could've pushed for more... :\) so I guess I won't complain. I think that having this kind of schedule made me realize that I don't want to part-time it. It's just too crazy with too much to take care of. I'd rather just work full-time at one place and call it a day.

I'm working at 3 different places and private tutoring. X.x Thankfully though, one of the places is only on Saturdays but I'm hoping to change it if I get the place I want to work at. If it all works out it all works out. If it doesn't, it doesn't. I just hope that I don't start banking everything on this one place because I could very well not get the job. I hope I do...

I'm so good at procrastinating

Interestingly enough, lately people have told me that I look really reliable and responsible and all that... is that true?

For some reason I really don't think I do (and honestly, I don't think I really am... am I?). It's interesting to see how strangers (or somewhat strangers) view me. I mean I guess I'm not completely irresponsible but I do have that side of me so I don't really know where people get "responsible" from. Hm. I suppose it's a good thing.

I think that in that sense I shall try to become what people think I am. ^^;;

I mean seriously. I'm really good at procrastinating and generally not getting things done until the last minute so I guess I think it's weird that people think otherwise. Take right now for instance. I should be lesson planning but all I really did was eat dinner and watch some Nodame Cantabile (a very good anime btw) and part of the Hana Yori Dango movie (which I've decided is going to be terrible). After watching the Korean version, I've realized that the two main characters are much better fit for their roles than the Japanese version. Dood, the Domyouji from the Japanese version looks like a Japanese Michael Jackson (at least the hair and face). And besides, I always imagined Domyouji to be tall and muscular, not skinny and effeminate -_-. At any rate, here I am still wasting more time. I think I'll at least try to get something done. ^^;;

I am indeed quite an idiot

So I just realized that two people that I have been fb friends for... enough time were not on my limited profile and they should've been.

Why? Because one is my STUDENT and I have many "incriminating" pictures of me drinking. O.M.G. I'm pretty sure he's seen them too so now it's like what do I doooooo?! (and he's probably seen my wall posts T.T) I mean in the end, I suppose it doesn't matter whether or not they know whether their teachers drink or not since it's a part of Korean culture, but it's still quite bothersome. Ugh.

The other kid is this kid that used to go to my church. He was younger and I think he used to kind of look to me for advice since I went through the whole college thing or whatever. At any rate, I think I didn't put him on my limited profile since I figured he was old enough to handle my "drinking" pictures (honestly, I don't think they're that bad....) but yeah. Bleh~

So now I'm thinking omg-how-could-I-not-have-put-them-on-my-limited-profile but at the same time, does it really matter? Gaaaaah

Oh well. It's too late now. I just hope he doesn't like pass them around to all my other students who don't have access to my pictures. X.x *sigh*~

Bored. I need to start working.

So honestly not much has been going on in my life. To the point where I'm bored with what I'm doing right now. The last three weeks have been pretty busy since family was here but I really need to find a job. I have some stuff going on for winter, but I don't have anything going on after that. If things work out right, I might just work for a couple weeks and take another month off of work. :D haha But I think I'm just being lazy. There's so much I want to do but it's the age old all-of-a-sudden-the-day-disappears thing... I don't know I think I need to stop being on the computer so much.

Meh~

College apps have stopped going anywhere but I'm going to pretend it was because I was busy with family and thankfully spend this next week really focusing on all my writing and what not. I think I'm going to eat lunch somewhere not at home because I never get anywhere if I try to eat all my meals at home.

This winter has been blissfully warm with I think a total of like 3-4 days that were truly cold. I'm thankful yet apprehensive of the cold to come. What if, just like how a month of fall there was a summer-y month, in spring, there will be one extra month of crappy winter weather? X.x I just hope this winter is really short.

That aside, I'm looking into grad school programs in Japan. For no other reason than because I want to live there. I found a program that I really liked but I honestly couldn't get any more information on it so I'm going to see if there's more info somewhere. Meh~ Logistically though, it's too expensive but apparently there are scholarships for foreigners in Japan. I heard this from a guy who studied in Japan like 20 years ago though so... I think I need to do my own research. X.x haha

There isn't much else going on in my life. I want to leave home and have been looking for one-room places in a decent location but so far, I haven't found anything decent. X.x I mean the cheapest places are also so far off the beaten track (though there seems to be a decent number of places by Seoul University... I suppose if I end up going to grad school there, I should find housing around there...). But apparently that neighborhood used to be the slums... so um... yeah.

BLAH. I'm bored with myself and the things going on right now. I need to find something interesting to do. I think I'm going to pick up scrapbooking again. I have like 20 scrapbooks to work on.

Bored even though I shouldn't be

I don't know why but I feel like staying up tonight. I don't know why I go through these random phases where I just stay up (could it be that cup of vending machine coffee that I drank at like... 7pm? Sometimes, I surprise myself with how low my caffeine tolerance) but here I am again at 2:30 in the morning. Staring at my computer screen trying not to waste time on facebook.

But! I have been setting up my beautifully awesome desktop. Only thing that kinda really sux is that the internet doesn't really work on that computer. X.x So um... yeah it kinda defeats the purpose of having a desktop in my room (sorta). I think I'm going to move the wireless router so I get better reception in my room.

Ok now I'm boring myself.

I guess I could talk about my job situation. Honestly, I've lost motivation to work. I honestly, just want to roll around and scrape by with my one tutoring class a week. It's really nice. But I don't have any money now so I really do need to start working. I've half-assedly been searching and I have a 4 week temp job with my old workplace in a week so that'll be good. I dunno I've just been so apathetic lately. MEH! I blame it on visiting family. We're doing too many cool things together hehe~

Like today, we went to this Christmas concert. It was the Seoul Choir or something (I dunno how to translate it) but honestly, they weren't very good. I think that I've started to become a little pretentious about these things (which is terrible) but I just caught little things here and there that just made me realize I don't ever want to see this group perform again. Like the concertmaster had a solo - for something like away in a manger or some random carol and he just sounded awkward. He had another solo during the encore (which honestly there shouldn't have been one...) and he played so much better! I don't know what was going on but then there was also an organ and when it first was playing it was ridiculously loud. Don't they like figure all that stuff out before the concert? For some reason I got the sense that they didn't practice as much as they normally would've because the music they were playing was easier and it shows that there's a lack of professionalism with this orchestra. The choir was fine I thought though the altos could've been a little louder (but I think it's because I'm used to hearing the altos since I sing alto at church...). I dunno, I think I'm being too critical but I mean I general don't pick up on too many of these things but there was a lot for this concert (I could go on but I won't). Otherwise, I'd have to say the medley that they chose really brought out the brass section (they were pretty good) and the first flutist was really good. OO and the violas had a mini "solo" so that was really cool. Also, the percussion section definitely had some cool parts and they had a harp for one of the medleys. I like harps. :D

I still think Handel's Messiah sounds better with a full orchestra and choir (even though it wasn't originally written for one) because of the nature of the piece. Meh. Still a decent performance, I thought.

Meh.

Ok I'm still bored. I'm going to go to bed or watch some anime or something.

Update on the "list of things I want to accomplish while I'm not working"

So I created this list that I told myself I would accomplish while rolling around and not doing anything:

1. Study for the GRE

- do practice problems for the Literature in English Subject test

- do practice problems for the Regular GRE

- memorize vocab

2. Read - though this will mainly be on the subway, I hope to read a lot

3. Write

- work on my book

- fix my papers to send out to my professors

4. Sleep regularly

- I have so many plans to have a regular schedule but I have to come up with a set schedule of things I want to accomplish by the end of the day. Hopefully this will work out.

5. Work out

- Running and muay thai. Hopefully a combination of the two

6. See Seoul

- Hopefully while I try to stake out different places to study, I'll be able to see Seoul. I plan on going hiking and studying at the top of a hill in a pagoda. Maybe I'll even pack a lunch... heeeee

Did I actually accomplish all this?

Honestly more or less yes. However, I was planning on doing this on a daily basis. Did this happen? No. -______-

I shall slowly but surely try to get back into the swing of things. I still want to do my pagoda thing. And I haven't written as much as I should. The writing process is so painful for me because I can't sit still and stare at a screen for too long unless I'm watching anime. Hm. Meh~

Being a Christian is complex precisely because finding true happiness is complex and ever-changing. Such is also the path to becoming a Christian - not in the sense of acting as 'Christians' do today, but becoming a true believer in God and in our salvation through Jesus.

Family <3

Aww the whole family's here and it's so nice being with everyone! 'Cept food poisoning/indigestion (I guess that's what it's called?) has been kicking my butt... o well... at least I'm losing weight heh heh heh

Yayy. I love family. :)

Almost Done!

Omg. Writing a cover letter has never been this painful. I took out an entire section so that I wouldn't have to translate the dang thing. I hope that I never get asked to translate from English to Korean. It's the worst thing ever. And the worst part of all is that I still have to read it over and edit it.

It's ok, I have one paragraph left. I think the hardest thing about writing a cover letter in Korean is nuance. I really don't think I'm saying things right. Though the beginning part is ok.

I can't wait to be done with this. If I don't get this job, it will be the only job that I've worked this hard for. Though in all honesty, I didn't work all that hard. It just took forever because my Korean's terrible. But I do want to have this job if possible... perhaps I'm aiming too high. X.x heh~

Food Poisoning

I got food poisoning yesterday from a buffet I went to for a wedding. I was planning on getting some work done but alas, the whole day has gone by and all I did was sleep. I've been feeling nauseous all day but I finally went out at around 4 to get some medicine and now I feel better, though I think I'm getting sick.

I was so happy this morning too because I woke up at like 6am and was thinking of how productive I'd be. Until I realized that I woke up because I had to barf. Ew. And then I went back to sleep for another 8 hours.

Ugh. Hate this feeling.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. X.x

Tea! and a wishlist

So lately I've been getting into the proper ways of drinking tea (and it really does make a difference!) and I've decided I need to buy two things:

a timer

ceramic teapot (a big one with a ceramic strainer - the metal ones give the tea a slightly metallic flavor) - I found a lot of small ceramic ones but I'm trying to find a big one so I can brew a bunch of tea at once and then keep it warm using a tea cozy... Oh. I need one of those too.

tea cozy

I was going to list some of the websites I usually go to but for some reason I can't find them. X.x Oh well. It's weird how apparent the differences are though. To sound snobbish, basically you can't brew tea for too long or else it becomes bitter - people who say tea is bitter steep their tea for too long. I mean black teas are supposed to be more on the bitter side but most teas are actually quite flavorful. :D So I bought some oolong tea from Taiwan (apparently it's famous there) and it's really good!

And I suppose while I'm at it, I'll add other things that I want/am debating whether or not to get:

Coffee maker - I realized that the packaged coffee that Korea makes so well (Maxim Mocha Gold i think is a favorite here...) isn't all that great. Although ground coffee isn't that good either, I would imagine it's better than the packaged stuff that comes w/ the sugar and cream in it already. I tried to buy the pre-packaged black coffee (which is pretty good btw) but it also contains sugar.

Oh. I've been trying to get into coffee tasting and the like but it's a lot more complicated than tea (and wine actually).

So far all the cafes I've been to brew a pretty typical cup of Americano. Perhaps I should be trying the expressos. I dunno. I really want to go to Europe (I think it was Italy that had good coffee?) and have like good coffee. Meh. Perhaps I'm being pretentious.

To continue with my wishlist:

DSi - I have a DS Lite and I've been thinking about selling it and getting a DSi. In the states of course. I don't want something all in Korean. I've decided that trying to read things in Korean is a headache. Especially after trying to work on a cover letter in Korean. Ugh. (And unfortunately, I'm still not done. Working on it makes me sleepy, which means I'm extremely unproductive while working on it. -_- haha)

That's about it. There isn't really much else that I want. I hope I'm not being too pretentious about things in the States. I realized that in the end Korea usually has some kind of equivalent so I shouldn't be too concerned about it.

I found basil at a Korean department store the other day (Hyundai Department Store by COEX for those that are curious) so soon I think I'll be able to find pretty much everything that I need. :D

Now if only they had Sriricha (and I mean the one with the rooster on it, not any of those other fake brands...)...

On a completely different note, this week was a complete bust. I slept through this entire week (I feel like it was much needed sleep but the fact remains that this is a week wasted) and didn't get anything done (ok when I say nothing done, I just mean very little. I still did accomplish some work, just not as nearly as much as I would've liked). I've been keeping track of my finances for once and I think I need to find a job like SOON or else things are going to start looking bad. I'm going to see if I can hold out until December so I can chill with the family when they come for (American) Thanksgiving.

I also need to work out. I feel like I constantly say that but I really do! I suppose sleeping a lot has its benefits because I've only been eating 1-2 meals a day as a result. But this can't be a good thing. Meh! I shall start muay thai again. Hopefully next week. ^_^

Taiwan! (oh yes, and my new netbook :D)

Taiwan was totally and completely awesome. Not for the typical I-went-out-drinking-every-night-and-did-all-the-touristy-stuff-and-all-hours-of-my-time-were-accounted-for type of trip, but that's exactly why I liked it. I didn't get to do two things while I was there but both aren't really that big of a deal so it's like whatevs.

I really liked Taiwan because even though I didn't understand the language, it was still pretty easy to get around. I did all the tourist-y stuff and stumbled on some other little stuff that was quite nice (like I got to see this historic village type thing by the Longshan Temple because the city government or whatever had all these little maps and stuff that listed all these tourist spots)... so I hit up more places than I had initially intended. I also got to go to a hot spring! It was nice though this old man kept talking to me in really really broken English so it wasn't as relaxing as I would've liked. *shrug* meh!

The people and the food was both very nice though when it comes down to it, I don't think I'd want to live there. Everything's pretty cheap, especially the food but the clothes and shopping is comparable to Korea... I didn't spend as much money as I had initially thought (thankfully) and it was fun getting random food that I really didn't know what I was eating but I guess I'm more or less happy to be back in Korea. I kind of liked the fact that I couldn't talk to anyone because that meant that even if people were talking to me, I could just ignore them...... well I suppose not really but at any rate, the solitude was nice.

I didn't get any work done (any writing) but that's ok. I didn't have my new netbook anyway and the plugs weren't right so I couldn't use my laptop for extended periods of time.

I think the only thing I was sad about missing out on was the tea street that was supposed to be the SoHo of Taipei... o well! And after visiting Taipei 101, they mentioned this tea village place or whatever that you could go visit and they had like tea farms and what not... but it's ok. I got Taiwan's famous pineapple tea cakes and their famous oolong tea so I guess I can't complain. I brewed some of the oolong today and I'm not sure if I didn't put enough leaves in it or if I brewed it for too long, but it is definitely a very very light (but deliciously fragrant) tea. I'll have to read up more on oolong teas.

I need to buy a ceramic teapot... Meh! I'll get to it eventually.

Now I get to talk about my newest gadget!! So I got the 11.6" Asus Seashell (they had an ad for it in Taipei! ^_^) and although I can't say it's perfect, it's definitely much more of what I wanted than the clunky LG XNote.

This netbook is still a little on the heavier side (I think maybe 3-4 lbs - the battery adds a lot of weight) but honestly, I can't really complain because the brick (ac adapter) is so much smaller and the laptop overall is much more responsive. My LG XNote had this weird space bar that sometimes wouldn't work when I pressed it (not sure why) but this one is really responsive. A small difference, but honestly, you only appreciate how useful the space bar key is when you lose some functionality of it. The placement of some of the other keys (volume up/down, page up/down, home/end) are a little different (as is expected) and I liked where LG put the keys better, but it's just a matter of getting used to the new keys. They say that this is a full size keyboard, but it doesn't quite feel like one - for one the shift is next to the up key which means that sometimes I'll miss and hit up then 1... sux but again, not a big deal and just requires a little getting used to.

As for the glossiness of the cover and what not (the black gloss has little blue sparklys in it! -_-), I think it looks good when no one touches. But alas, as it is a laptop, obviously, the user has to touch it and it sux constantly wiping off the fingerprints. I'm trying to teach myself not to care but it's a new toy! I can't help it!

As for the specs, as with netbooks, obviously this one is a little slower - the 1 vs. 2 gb of ram really does make a difference so I'm probably going to upgrade it. After I get my all-in-one, I think I'll pretty much be set in terms of computers. The cool thing about this netbook is it comes with this data synching program so if I could synch up my data with my desktop. I don't have a desktop yet but being able to synch the data will be really convenient because then I don't have to remember what files I changed and added to and what not. ^_^

Otherwise, there isn't anything interesting going on in my life. Moving forward with the job search! I am now officially unemployed! (As with before, I wasn't because I wasn't actively seeking a job. ^_^)

Restless (again)

I have a feeling I have a post with the same title (hence the again). Gaah I was completely unproductive today. Well, I did tidy up my room a little so I guess that counts for something? Unintentionally woke up too late to get anything done, wasted too much time on the internet.

I am decidedly addicted to my computer. If my computer were a drug, I think I'd be dead by now. If my computer was alcohol, I'd be in the hospital for getting alcohol poisoning. This is terrible. -_- So I shall somehow separate myself from this terrible and unhealthy addiction and start being more productive.

The sad part is, I need my computer and what's worse, I have another computer coming in.. X.x I bought a netbook from the states because I don't like this one (it's too heavy, the keys are weird and it's too much of a compromise for a main computer that is still portable). So I decided to buy a cheap netbook and a cheap desktop with good specs. I've been able to find both at a little more than what I bought this laptop for so once I sell this thing, I won't have lost too much money. yayyy

Meh~ otherwise, not much going on. Need to start working out again. I think that there's so much to do, so much freedom and everything seems important that I'm having difficult prioritizing... must do one thing at a time........ X.x

Freeeeeee (ish)

So I'm more or less "done" with work - they asked me to stay on for 2 more days (Tuesday and Saturday) because they need a teacher. It's perfectly fine - I'm getting paid hourly and is better than nothing. :)

Need to revamp my schedule... X.x Decided that doing my chores first is a waste of time. I need to study and write first! Chores must come later.

Honestly, people who can juggle like 20 different things is such an admirable quality. If I get too busy at work, everything at home go down the drain. Laundry will pile up for a month, my room will literally be a disaster area and I will eat out every day. But! I'm learning. Slowly but surely. :)

At any rate, gonna go to Taiwan to visit my lovely Joslyn. :) I'm so excited!!! I just hope that the language barrier won't be really really bad and I don't get ripped off TOO much... -_-

List of what I want to accomplish while I'm not working

I'm so excited to be done with work that I have a list of things I want to do *hopefully* on a daily basis.

1. Study for the GRE

- do practice problems for the Literature in English Subject test

- do practice problems for the Regular GRE

- memorize vocab

2. Read - though this will mainly be on the subway, I hope to read a lot

3. Write

- work on my book

- fix my papers to send out to my professors

4. Sleep regularly

- I have so many plans to have a regular schedule but I have to come up with a set schedule of things I want to accomplish by the end of the day. Hopefully this will work out.

5. Work out

- Running and muay thai. Hopefully a combination of the two

6. See Seoul

- Hopefully while I try to stake out different places to study, I'll be able to see Seoul. I plan on going hiking and studying at the top of a hill in a pagoda. Maybe I'll even pack a lunch... heeeee

Man the freedom that I'll have is just so enticing that I really can't wait! 2 more weeks 2 more weeks 2 more weekssssssssssss

Work

OMG

I can't wait for work to be over. X.x I think I'm really really burnt out and there's just so much that I want to do that I can't that it's really frustrating for me to sit through work.

I got asked to work an extra week so I still have 2 more weeks. X.x NO MOOOOOOOORE

Taking October off so I can take the GRE and rest. I'm so excited.

Marriage

It seems that there are so many people that want to spend the rest of their lives together and get married.

Honestly, at this point in my life, I don't really understand it. Perhaps its the lack of having a boyfriend and the love of freedom that I feel this way, but I really can't imagine settling down. The thought creeps me out. I mean in a sense, I can sense the excitement of starting a new life with someone and how learning more about that person each day (their daily habits and what not) can be interesting for a while, but it gets tiring after a while, doesn't it? X.x

I don't know, I think that I'm still too immature to even think about marriage. I can't even keep my room clean!

That aside, there are many things that I have to think about. I can't wait until work ends I have some chill time. I'm debating whether or not I want to just take the entirety of October off and just chill (get ready for grad school, take the GRE and the KLPT or something - its the Korean Language Proficiency Test I think). I dunno perhaps I should work and be productive... haha we'll see. ^_^

Running and Google Chrome

I went running today and it was awesome. I hate running but today I just needed to exercise to let off some steam. Did I mention yet that I hate work? It's such bullcrap. But I'm trying to be less negative so we'll leave it at that. I'm going to post on my secret blog (aka a word document) all the reasons why my workplace is a terrible place to work at. However, for here, I shall post of happy things.

Like running. So as I was saying, I hate running. It's the worst thing ever - especially because I get tired really fast, I have no endurance and it's just plain boring. However, being that I had all this excess energy, I decided to pull a Nike and just do it.

I ran for 40 minutes (which is an all time record for me since I usually last like 5 minutes and then walk the rest of the way back and then tell people that I went running for 20 minutes -_-) and I sprinted probably the last 50 yards or so. It was just so exhilarating and I feel thinner! (though I highly doubt it). At any rate, I think exercise is so completely underrated and it's quite unfortunate that it is because people would just be so much happier with exercise. I must say though, volleyball is so much better.

That aside, I've decided that Google Chrome sucks. Although it is faster and more responsive than either Internet Explorer or Mozilla Firefox, it still has its issues.

1. It can't open PDFs. With my slowass computer at work, what ends up happening is, everything on the dang thing starts lagging because Google Chrome tries to open up Adobe Reader but not the actual PDF file. So it's irritating.

2. Randomly Google Chrome will crash. It's usually when I've downloaded an attachment like a Word document and then I get that irritating message: "Whoa! Google Chrome has crashed. Restart now?" WHYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?! Just open the dang attachment. My goodness.

3. It doesn't automatically delete things/doesn't have an option to automatically delete things. Like downloaded files that you would normally just open. I have to actively delete my history and all that (not that it's that big of a deal) but I mean I'm sure eventually it all gets backed up and takes up a lot of space, no? I dunno, I just delete it all. I guess more than anything, I'm paranoid about like spyware, adware, hackers and the like. Meh~ I suppose it isn't that big of a deal though.

I'm thinking of converting to Firefox but it takes foreeeeeeeeeever to load. I dunno maybe I'll try like one of the Mac browsers like Safari or something. Bleh~

I Quit!

So I told my workplace that I was quitting, which means that as of 10/1, I have no job! Hallelujah! I guess I shouldn't be so happy, but just the idea of being able to relax a little (finally) is just so exciting for me. I have a bunch of plans that *hopefully* will go through. If not, meh~ so it goes, so it goes.

I have to start applying to other places but because most places will probably want me to work right away, I'm planning on waiting until later to apply since I know I'm pretty marketable. :D Maybe I'll apply to Princeton Review. I'm thinking of trying my hand at teaching English though (I know I said I didn't want to before because I'm not completely confident in it) but I mean if I have lesson plans from the company, I don't think it'll be too bad. (I hope I'm not being too optimistic... haha)

Anyway, with that said, I just hope things will be ok! :)

Now I have to create a grad school schedule so that I can hurry up and get everything together to apply! ^_^

Teaching

I'm an idiot

I never realized that with teaching there are several components - where the most imporant component is assessment. Why? Because without assessing what your students have learned, there's no way of knowing whether or not your teaching method is effective. In other words, I've been blindly trying to force these kids to "analyze" these passages without actually trying to see if they actually knew how to apply what I was telling them to apply.

I fail.

At least now I know. This explains why none of my students improved over the summer. I'm a terrible teacher... X.x my goodness

Well now that I know, I guess I just need to improve myself. Ugh this is terrible though, I've been going through 10 monthes of teaching, expecting my kids to just apply what I told them. There are very few kids that actually did... this is terrible!

O well at least I can apply this to my new workplace ^_^ hehe

New Job?

I've been debating this for quite some time but more and more I've been seeing a divide at work between what I want to do and what is being required of me. I don't mind teaching AP Psychology but given the transient nature of teaching in academies in Korea, I prepped a bunch of things only to find that no one actually signed up for the freaking class. I guess I can upkeep but I just feel like it's so unnecessary.

I've been asked to help out with a lot of the applications - a very necessary but tedious part of what my workplace does... something that I have moral issues with. I think that this is where my issues with my academy have become to a point where I can't just ignore it and let things slide. Perhaps it is now time for me to move on.

That said, the prospect of job hunting again is a little bleh because I've heard the horror stories of these other places and I don't know if the other places will be any better. I don't mind the workaholic attitude if I'm only supposed to be there to teach classes and the prep time is completely up to me. I just feel like because I'm on salary, they keep me here. Ugh.

I've decided to leave on a good note though so now I have start mentally and physically preparing myself to work my ass off for the next week or so. *shrug*

Motivation

I'm finally starting to buckle down and trying to get things done. I'd started to take on this attitude of apathy when it came to doing things that I had to do and my procrastination took a turn for the worst. I don't know but I've realize that with things that I really don't care about, I really don't care and it will take me forever to finish doing it. This unfortunately also relates to work. I think that one of the hardest things for me to accept is that with any job, there are going to be things that I like and things that I don't like that I have to do. I just hope that with being a professor, there will be considerably more that I like and very little that I don't like.

I'm hopefully slowly but surely taking the path towards diligence. X.x haha It's so hard to do because honestly, there's so many things that distract me from the "things I have to do" such as anime, reading books and even stupid things like facebook. What's worse is I have justification for reading (though anime and facebook is a little weaker). Meh! I think the most important thing is to set goals and schedules and follow through with them, though this is much easier said than done.

With that said, I shall now continue reading my Pscyhology textbook! (I've been enlisted to teach AP Psychology this year. If I move, the place I'm looking at has a work schedule of MTThF so I will be free on Wednesdays to teach if I need to). I hope to keep my weekends free.

Being an adult I realized that when it comes to being motivated and getting things done, it isn't a matter of doing-it-because-I-will-get-in-trouble-with-the-parents anymore but more of a I-really-should-do-this-for-my-own-good. The problem with that is that I really don't care or at least it's low enough on my priority list that I'll hope it eventually will go away. Which is never the case.

So it goes with being/becoming an adult.

Restless

Not sure what it is about fall, but it seems that every time around this year (at least for the past two years) I've had this sense of restlessness. It's really irritating because I just feel like I can't settle, which I think is both a good and a bad thing. I really need to go to grad school soon. Bleh~

So I've been thinking about quitting my job - talked it over with my dad and I'm not really sure where to go with all this. I mean there are pluses and minuses about my job (as there are with all jobs) but I guess my biggest complaint is that I'm teaching a lot of boring stuff. I don't think it'll get much better anywhere else I go but I'm thinking of asking my workplace for less hours and more pay (since I get paid crap right now considering my hours). We'll see how it plays out.

Otherwise, things have been mediocre at best. I'm so thankful that I have my accountability group though.

For those of you that don't know, I've been meeting up with two friends every week and basically we just get together and talk about our walk with God and just about everything else (how our week was, what's going on at work, what's going on in our lives, etc etc) and it's just been awesome. There are so many insights that I've been able to come across and I think that when one is able to have open-hearted discussions about God and just random things in our daily lives that relate to Him, it becomes what God intended Christianity to be. I dunno how to describe it really. It's nice, insightful, satisfying and most of all, it really helps me reflect on my faith.

I always took my being Christian for granted and at this point, never really thought about what kind of Christian I was. I always looked down on other legalistic Christians who would constantly judge others and really just look down on other people. Yet, here I am, guilty of the same attitude that I looked down on others for because I was looking down on them. Trying to read the Bible more and pray more has made me realize how little control we have of our lives and how much we need God. I don't know, I don't really feel like going into too much more detail about it at this point when I don't really have a clear idea of what I want to say, but to sum everything up, I'm so thankful for a God that's so loving and good, to be born into a Christian household with supporting parents and siblings, an accountability group that really does just that - hold me accountable for my faith, and most of all, for being given the privilege to go to Heaven by doing absolutely nothing but believing in Him.

I always felt that by talking about my faith would estrange people from me and it honestly isn't fair. I've always felt like with friends, especially close friends, one should be able to talk about things that are important to oneself. I mean I don't hesitate to talk about really controversial issues like abortion and all that, but when it comes to my faith as a Christian, I always feel like I have to walk on eggshells for fear of offending the other person. It's so unfortunate that this has become the case and like reverse discrimination, it has become to a point where to a certain extent, I can't be myself.

One thing that I thought was cool over the summer with my co-workers was that we were able to silently pray before meals. There wasn't an uncomfortable silence or anything, it was just what some of us did and others didn't. Some people simply started eating first, and others would pray a quick prayer of thanks and then start eating. It didn't really matter who was praying or anything like that.

Anyway, that's basically how things have been going for me.

O yeah, and I got recruited to play the cello at church. For those that don't know, I don't play cello. I've never played in front of people until last week. I play viola. But we don't have any cellos and we have 4 violins so I sort of mentioned in passing that I would be able to play if I had to and then I found myself with a cello....... -_-;; I guess I spoke too soon. I don't mind though, it's good for me. ^_^

Hm. Otherwise, there isn't much going on. All the summer teachers have left except for one and I actually prefer it this way. It's much quieter though it doesn't mean that I'm necessarily getting more work done but at least there are less people around in the teachers room.

Gah it's 1:30am. Time for bed.

Boring boring entry

Cali was nice

Brother's wedding was nice

Work is still busy as hell but it's finally getting quieter

Vacation

Man, I so can't wait to go to Cali... -_- too much has been going on at work and what not...

I'm burning out~ but! We're on our last session (4 weeks) which means that things will be easier from now on.

Recently been thinking of finding a new place to work, simply because the hours are long and I feel like I can get more money from another place. Hm. Will have to think on this one.

Grad School!

Ah~ been so busy working and *trying* to apply to grad school. I think I'm a shoo in for Korea University so that'll be my backup. Unfortunately, the school I want to go to the most (Seoul National University) also is due in less than a month and I have yet to get my recommendations from a professor. I need to sit down and just email like crazy. I think I'm going to do that tomorrow. Gahhhhhhh X.x

Gonna take my laptop and run away to some kind of cafe until I get it done. *sigh*~

Work has been crazy as hell but only because there's so much prep required for each class. I can't just wing it like I did with the other classes, nor do I have the luxury of time and space (ugh so many teachers in one room...). However, I definitely am getting better responses from my students! Ugh, I hate lesson planning but at least I feel like a better teacher... ^^

Omg, total work drama but one of my coworkers is so blatantly socially awkward and only semi-realizes it that it's just irritating to watch. Bleh~ I guess what irritates me is that I don't know how to deal with him. He goes to Stanford and in all honesty is a smart guy but at the same time has that insecurity that comes with those small town kids who used to be the smartest in their class and go to college only to realize that they are no longer the only 'smart' kid and is thus compelled to show off his knowledge whenever he can because of his insecurities. Sometimes his pretentiousness is just too much (because what makes it worse is he's got one of those piercing yet droning voices that take 20 words to explain something that could be explained in 2).

With people I'm usually irritated with, I simply ignore/avoid them. Simply by mere proximity, I'm forced to deal with him time and time again. BLEH I've found myself just being really brutally honest with him and (probably) hurting his feelings in the process. People tell me he needs it but man, I really don't want to be the one to do it. I guess I'm just complaining. At any rate, here's a situation that occurred today that somewhat shows his awkwardness and the way I unfortunately dealt with him because I didn't know how else to deal with him:

So I'm facebooking at work because I'm trying to make a quiz and am taking a small break. As I'm about to get started on work again, he (also on facebook) tells me,

"My friend went to Norway and took some fantastic pictures."

"Ok." Honestly, what am I supposed to say to that? O really how interesting? I mean honestly, I could care less about his friend who I don't even know.

"Want to see?" I guess he was expecting me to show interest? So with the quiz that I had to make and my complete lack of interest my answer was blatantly,

"No." And then a split second later to realize how rude of me it was to say that. I found myself floundering for some kind of lame excuse about how I needed to work (when I was just on facebook which he btw pointed out - another way he is socially awkward...). Being put on the spot like that (granted I did this to myself) made me not realize the most obvious reason. I should've said,

"I'm sorry but honestly, it's kind of weird to be looking at some random person's pictures of Norway. I was taking a small break but I need to get back to work right now." And yet, I could not think to say this then. Sadly to say, though I don't care for the guy, I still feel bad. I've always thought that one should be civil to everyone, even to strangers...

I guess what it comes down to is that I honestly don't want to have to talk to him, nor do I really want anything to do with him. At the same time, I feel like I should because I'm an 'older' teacher than the rest of them, I need to lead by example somewhat so that teachers don't follow suit and make him a 왕따 (social outcast which, btw he already basically is). And being the 'nice' person that I am, I can't just leave him alone. I suppose avoiding the situation altogether isn't the best solution, but at the same time, I don't want to have to deal with awkward people that I know I won't mix well with. I don't know I suppose this is where two aspects of my personality are at odds with each other and when that happens, I don't know what to do. I suppose this will be a good lesson though a painful one.

I just feel bad for him because he honestly has no friends and I don't know what to do about him. He's pretty transparent but he doesn't seem to realize it himself. He is in desperate need of friendship in a country that's completely foreign to him and everywhere he turns (at work at least) he's met with some degree of coldness or animosity, which in turn feeds into his insecurities. This could easily go two ways - him hating Korea and never wanting to come back again, or he'll learn from it and become less socially awkward (hopefully for his sake, the latter).

OK for someone I don't care about, I guess I'm spending useless amounts of time analyzing his situation and character. Bleh, I honestly prefer not to spend time talking about people. It annoys me.

So moving on from all the bitching and whining, this summer is quite bittersweet. People are leaving Korea but there are others coming in! Well only one person... and its more of a friend of a friend (Janet, I'm talking about Julian :P haha) but I suppose one sort-of friend is better than none at all. ^^

Anyway, that's my update for now. The dynamics of humans will always be a subject of interest for me.

Korea vs. Iran

Totally bragging about this but I went to the Korea vs. Iran soccer game last night! I was 9 rows (that's right, it was in the single digits) away from the field. :D Honestly though, it isn't as close as you'd think because there's all that other stuff before the actual field starts (all that stuff as in like those people who run and catch the ball and then the camera stuff etc etc etc.)

Anyway, it was AWESOME and somewhat depressing too because there was one shot that #3 (sadly I don't know names of the players) could've made but he failed at the last minute. X.x

Apparently North Korea has qualified for the World Cup now due to Iran getting this tie. I don't know how I feel about North Korea because I feel like they're just trying to toot their horn and say that they're this strong and powerful nation (when they really aren't) and the world is letting them play in the World Cup! I'd ban them. I mean aren't they back on the terrorist list or whatever again? Who's to say they aren't going to bomb South Africa or whatever?

It's interesting though because fellow Koreans and Korean Americans completely disagree with me, saying that politics are politics and soccer is soccer. MEH. But then again, I also must admit that I am vastly unaware of the intricacies of the actual politics between South Korea and North Korea. All I know is that I strongly dislike Kim Jong Il and someone needs to assassinate the dude. Perhaps I should do my research before I go spouting off my opinions.

Oh well. Such is the case when I am apathetic about politics.

Haydn, Handel, and Mendolssen Concert. O, and grad school

So I think I spelled Mendolssen (Mendolssehn? I feel like there's an 'h' somewhere...) right.

I've decided I think Handel (besides Messiah) is boring. We listened to some concerto for flute or something. Don't get me wrong, the flutist was incredible and the sound that he produce was really beautiful. I can't really describe his sound... it was sweet and light and fluid all at once. But the piece itself was so static I found myself dozing. On the other hand there was some kind of other piece (in F sharp...) called "Farewell" by Haydn where orchestra members started leaving in the middle of the piece, which I thought was reeeeally cool. It was like modern art in music! It's like a musical where the actors leave the stage in the middle of a song (ooo! like that song in Sound of Music! So Long, Farewell or something). Yet the ending still had a finished quality to it which clearly showed that the players leaving the stage was intentional.

I thought that was waaaay cool. If I ever become an artist, I'm going to have an exhibit called "Farewell" as a tribute to Haydn. :D hahaha (but that'll never happen...)

O yeah, also for all y'all that that I haven't emailed (i'm sorry, I know I'm terrible at this)

I've decided to apply to grad school in Korea! I figured that while I'm here, I should be productive with my time and getting a masters in Korea is mad cheap (and when I mean cheap, I mean CHEAP - like $5-7K/year cheap). :D So it's definitely an option for me ^_^ But then it leaves the question , do I want to go ahead to England for my PhD or back to the states? X.x I reeeeeally want to go to England but I definitely have to decide if I want a PhD in Brit Lit (and what era?!) or American Lit. *sigh*~ I think I'm definitely leaning towards Brit Lit, but there's just so much that I have to explore before I make my final decision......

Anyhoo, that's about all that's going on for me for now. This has got to be one of my busiest weeks btw. X.x I have to like make time for muay thai. :( sux. I wish work was like school - 6 hours, the occasional homework and the endless pursuit of all those other extracurriculars (then I could do muay thai, be in an orchestra and still have time to fb, chat, watch anime and the like...) haha o well. I shall opt to sleep instead :) g'night!

Sunday

Went to church today. :)

O and I had a warm brownie with vanilla ice cream. That made me happy though I feel a little sick from all that sugar... X.x

haha there's my update for today. :D

I may end up scrapping this blog... it's really boring hahaha.

[edit]

Ok so I just read my comments for the previous blog and maybe I'm not so boring! (thanks Emma :D haha) I'll keep this going for a while if I can.

Honestly though, not very many interesting things happen to me.

O actually I guess there is one interesting 'happening' from yesterday.

A bunch of friends and I went to the Han River (한강) and drank and set off some fireworks! That was cool. It was a perfect night too - cool with a little bit of a breeze. :) I wish we had those sparkler firework thingies but o well - we didn't really plan ahead. ^_^ I wanna go back though. The Han River is so awesome at night.

New Blog

To update y'all on the going ons of my life.

This one will be purely superficial - generally more about what I did in terms of significant events as well as any plans that I have for the future and hopes of things that I want to do. I don't think I'll really blog about anything particularly deep but for those of you curious as to what's going on with me and want to keep in touch! ^_^ unfortunately, I'm terrible at keeping in touch so at least this is one way of doing it! (I mean fb is another, but I honestly haven't had too much time to go on...)

With that said, I would like to talk about my first significant soccer game! I went to another one but I was sitting in the nosebleeds and honestly, it was a pretty awkward experience because it was with an uncle that was considerably older than me and we really didn't have much to talk about.

This time, we were like 10 rows or so back on the sidelines. I want to say that 박주영 (the Korean soccer player for ManU <- he participated in this game cuz the ManU season thingy is over) was about 50-100 yards away from us? :D HEHE

That aside, game was ok - it was against Saudi Arabia and it tied so I mean it wasn't completely completely exciting though the atmosphere was pretty cool (got to do all those cheers and what not) :D HEHE

Went with Sae (Resonance) and Mary (Impress) and 2 coworkers (Tim and Richard) so it was nice. :)

Think I'm going to get tickets for my dad.

Ok honestly, this is an extremely boring first entry. I can't believe I made the World Cup qualifiers sound so bland. I blame it on the fact that I usually don't blog about my going ons because they're exactly what it is - boring. X.x haha

O well. There's always the next one. ^_^