Why I don't consider myself an adult

It's unfortunate, but I associate many adults with a lack of the following:

Honesty. Purity of intention.

There have been two very distinct cases where people have tried to take advantage of me. Why is it that when a child does it, it seems more forgivable? Is it because of their seeming lack of experience and knowledge of the world? Conversely, is that why I feel that adults are more deplorable for having the knowledge and experience, yet deliberately choosing to do something that'll just blow up in their face?

It was a simple situation really.

Basically I'm subbing for someone. People know that and ask things of me that they know the answer to (which is pretty much 'no') so as to take advantage of the fact that I don't really know what I'm doing.

It's honestly quite disappointing of humanity really. I mean I suppose I expected it, but to see it up close and personal... It's ugly and distasteful.

I think this is part of the reason I hate dealing with people who want something from me and I'm even less inclined to give that something to them, whether it's a favor or food... or anything really. (Of course in cases where it's friends and whatever, I'm perfectly fine with people asking - it's just with people I don't know who come to me solely to milk me for whatever they want without any real consideration to me as a person or the time spent for their sake - those are the people that irritate me to no end. Inconveniencing people is one of my pet peeves...)

I suppose I find it hard to understand why people can't be more honest. I mean, granted, no one's perfect, honesty pays of in the end. To see dishonest people and to reveal them for it - I find it disgusting. I hope never to be like that.

One of the people in question has massive problems with one of her children and honestly, I can see why (as horrible as it is to say). I wouldn't want my mom to be like that either. I'd be ashamed of her to the point where I'd be ashamed of being a part of that family. I think that's one of the worst things that can happen in a family... for a child to be ashamed of his parent(s) not for something unreasonable, but for their inherent lack of what I'm going to call "goodness."

I mean for something so small, I wonder if I am spending too much time thinking about it and I may be. Yet, quite sadly, I feel justified in doing so because a breach in a small matter of trust means that the person, by nature is deceptive. You never want to work with those kinds of people.

In seeing the ugliness of other people, I too become ugly. I wish ill upon those people in what I think is the worst way possible - through humiliation. A staggering fall that forces them to see their folly and be on their knees in brokenness asking for forgiveness. In such a way that they change and never commit such a heinous act again.

I suppose I'm over-exaggerating (as usual), but in many ways, it's these little things that rot our society. It creates a stench and fouls up what used to be decent and good. I feel like such deception is what creates a lack of trust in society and a constant questioning of a person's ulterior motives. Yet, what's the alternate solution? Humans are by nature selfish and self-serving. To act out of trust implies acting out of honesty and one can't get what they seek through such methods. Hence the two-facedness.

Perhaps the most irritating bit is that there's little I can do about it, except look the person in the eye with disappointment and simply shake my head at them, turning myself into this hypocritical judge of character who when it really comes down to it, is really no different from her.

I don't like judging people. I don't feel that I have the right to judge people, yet shit like this happens and I'm simply disappointed.

Eh. I suppose arguably everyone has their flaws and what one finds deplorable, others may find tolerable. It's the same way for me and what others think of me...

Acceptance. That is the key to stress-free living, in my opinion.

The power of appearances

I was talking to two friends about this on two separate occasions and it really makes me wonder (of course being in Korea always makes me think of how I look to others... It's sad, really).

I realize it isn't simply about good-looking or bad-looking as much as it's about the atmosphere or I suppose the better word would be carriage of a person. So how the person is treated does come from one's inner workings - i.e. confidence level, personality, thoughts and the person's mood and health at the time of the exchange.

Okay so to backtrack, basically the question or the thought is this:

To what extent are people affected by how they look? What I mean is that based on how a person looks, people around them will treat them a certain way. So a cute, bubbly baby will be treated with more attention and in many ways, love and care by not necessarily their parents alone, but by strangers who meet that baby. So from a very young age, the child is treated "better." Then there's another child who is always fretful and crying. The annoying brats who cry all the time. Perhaps they will be treated with more care and attention by the care-givers, but who wants to be friends with someone like that? That affects children.

As people age, they evolve. Looks evolve and people look better or worse. There are other factors, like people getting fatter or skinnier, there's always plastic surgery, etc.

In Korea, it's really apparent on how people get treated - it's happened to me on several occasions and I somewhat disagree with the obvious favoritism. It isn't just the cute guy/girl getting better treatment, but the more positive, seemingly nicer-looking person gets better treatment, be it freebies, services or general attitude and treatment from the other party.

So then how does that affect a person? Their personality? Their reaction to people?

I mean one could argue that in the end, a person is themselves, but are they really? Do people not realize just how much they are affected by society, culture and the thoughts and opinions of people around them?

Then again, I wonder. Is it just me that feels myself getting pushed and pulled along by these things? Am I simply weak-willed and unable to find my own footing among all these influences?

I think that's why I try to make a point to be nicer to people who look mean, or leave negative impressions. Sometimes people can't help the way they look. It may or may not be an indication of who they are as a person. Sadly though, there are stereotypes and the unfortunate truth is that those stereotypes exist for a reason. A person is perceived to be sinister because somewhere, something inside has caused them to have such an expression.

In the end, I really don't know. I mean it obviously doesn't do well to judge someone based on how they look (and again, this is not based on attractiveness, but more on the impression the person leaves - and not just the first impression). At the same time, I don't think that it's entirely wrong to say that one shouldn't look at a person's carriage (I think that the argument that a person's inner workings is manifested physically isn't entirely inaccurate.).

I suppose the way to go about it would be simply to reserve judgment until proven one way or another, but I would imagine this to be nigh impossible.

Eh. In the end, I prefer to believe in the general good of people. Well, at least in the capability for people to do good. I suppose that's good enough for me.

부푼다

나는 러면처럼 부풀고있다.

I am becoming like soggy noodles.

It doesn't really work in English, I think. Though I don't think it makes much sense in Korean, either.

I'm getting fat. I suppose that was my attempt at saying it in a colorful way.

I don't mean fat. Like fat people fat. I simple mean that everything is jiggling a little more and that my body feels heavier.

It's quite unpleasant.

I need to start working out again.