People

I like people who have the ability to draw on a thoughtful side of me. Most people don't. But perhaps it's simply the mood I'm in and the mood of the person I'm with is in that draws out a certain kind of conversation. I suppose what we're doing and the general environment we're in probably will have something to do with it too.

A friend mentioned that a lot of what I do and a lot of what I share (whether physical or ideological) has to do with timing. (And in physical sharing, I mean food. There's nothing else that I really share physically unless I happened to buy extra household items... which is rare).

If I'm baking banana bread before we meet up, you're probably going to get a small loaf (Daiso has these great disposable paper baking pan things so I got into baking banana bread for people for a while). If I'm chewing on some line of thought when we meet up, you'll probably be privy to hear it.

In some ways, it's unfortunate that it is situational. If timing is everything, if you're not there, does that mean that you're not important enough for me to share it with you?

I don't have the ability to think that far ahead so the answer is quite obviously no. I think that I'm too busy with whatever thought I'm processing or whatever fad of cooking I'm in to plan ahead. I'm too moody (capricious, fickle, spur-of-the-moment, whatever word or euphemism you want to use) to be able to plan for such things. I go through bouts of interest. Like if you asked me to make you banana bread, I would find it exceedingly troublesome to do so. I don't feel like making banana bread; forget duty, kindness, propriety, if I'm not feeling it, I have an exponentially harder time doing it.

Things like this make me feel like a child. Aren't adults supposed to have put such things aside and shouldn't they be able to do things out of a sense of duty, or a desire to be a better friend, or even out of simple altruism?

I wonder if it's just plain laziness that such things occur. And why does desire have to do with anything? It doesn't make sense that one should want to do it. If one must do something, there should be no volition involved. I suppose the thought that I'm working on right now has the idea of making decisions and of having options. I keep coming back to it.