Seemingly Paradoxical

I hate being seen as weak but I hate being relied upon.

Seriously, it needs to stop

Every time I think I've "cured" my insomnia, it flares up again.

I wonder if it's the coffee I drink around 4-5pm. I mean that's not that late, is it?

Gaah. It's 4:30 again.

Things to do before I die

I really hope to have a hundred of these. It's just cool to actually try these things, y'know?

1. Climb Mt. Everest. Apparently, just knowing how to climb mountain won't do anything. I mean you need to prepare for like a year at least to get good enough to climb it. There's issues with oxygen intake and all that too because of the high altitude. And you need to know how to camp outdoors. It's apparently like $100K to climb the freaking thing.

2. Go to the Pitcairn Islands. Completely random, but I stumbled across these islands from reading a news article about milk but these islands are like ridiculously remote and apparently a place for "adventure tourists" (among historians, bird-watchers and the like). It just sounds cool. There's a boat that goes there like 3 times a year so I want to go. It's another expensive one though: http://www.pacific-expeditions.com/default.asp. ($6,400 to visit all four islands).

3. Visit the underwater resort in Fiji. http://www.poseidonresorts.com/poseidon_main.html It's called Poseidon Undersea Resort and it's $15,000. For 7 days. But there's all sorts of things that come with it and it oddly seems worth it.

4. See the aurora borealis. I just think it'd be really cool to see.

So this is it so far. Basically, I need to be rich when I'm old and gray. I wonder if I can just fly to the peak of Mt. Everest and take a bunch of pictures.... I suppose it's not the same as the actual experience (which would be really really cool....).

Now to actually save and do these things! :D

[edit]

Added a couple more:

5. Go to the Salt Flat in Salar de'Uyuni, Bolivia during the rainy season. I got this from here and I think it's really really cool. "The border between Heaven and Earth..."

6. See Gunkanjima (Hashima). Just seems kind of cool. Got it from 9gag and got more info from Wikipedia.  I might actually be able to go here this year. *hopefully* (Wanting to go to this island is partially inspired by the fact that there's a Gunkanjima in One Piece. Sad. I know. But I still want to go.)

7. Walk around the world. Again from 9gag. Basically if you go to either axis of the world, it can be done, right?

[update]
So, these trips sound cool, but I realized that I don't care to do half of these things. If I died before I did them, I wouldn't have any regrets.

I think the only one that really matters that I genuinely want to do is #4.

Cantabile

It just sounds more romantic in a different language.

That's how I want to write - lyrically, where the starts and stops can be seen and almost felt and the rise and fall of tone can be heard. I can hear it because I know what I want to say and how I want to say it, but can I truly convey it to others?

Song-like prose. It almost sounds like an oxymoron.

Chocolate and Cigarettes

I've decided that I like coffee because it is like chocolate and cigarettes. Good coffee just reminds me of chocolate. I don't know if its the graininess or how the dark flavor has depth (like dark chocolate - I mean the real 86% dark chocolate) but something about the aftertaste or the overall effect of coffee is very much like chocolate. It makes me happy.

In the same way, the initial inhale and exhale after the first sip of coffee reminds me of the first drag of a cigarette. The whole body tenses up to expand the lungs to take in that first puff and as the smoke is released, the whole body relaxes. Although I don't smoke, that's very much what I imagine the sensation to be like in the morning. For me, that's what coffee does. After that first sip, there's the fragrance of coffee still lingers and with a deep breath, I can almost feel the caffeine rushing to my head. When I exhale, all of a sudden, I feel ready to take on the world.