Ever feel a certain way and then suddenly come to understand that what you're feeling is happiness? or depression? or anger?
I feel like I'm oddly detached from my emotions and I don't realize how deeply something affects me until I sort of do this mental check-up on myself and realize, oh, I'm kind of depressed. Or oh, I guess I'm really stressed out.
I wonder if its the same for other people.
All I know is that I'm tired, and I'm done with working this hard for this company.
I've been trying to write my resignation letter in my head and I can't think of a good enough excuse. "I want to go to grad school." "I want to pursue my dreams of becoming a professor." "My health is suffering because I'm working too much."
Meh.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Taiwan
Ended up going to Taiwan to see Peggy instead.
Was totally worth it. :)
Can't wait to go traveling again. HEHE
Was totally worth it. :)
Can't wait to go traveling again. HEHE
Monday, December 6, 2010
Getting better at updates?
I think I blog the most when I shouldn't be (like right now because its 3:30 in the morning and I'm still at work because I have to finish this project). -_-;; Maybe this is why I blogged so much in high school.
I don't know if this is lame of me or not, but I find my writing to be relatively compelling. Not like UBER compelling, just, pretty compelling. I like it. My writing style contains a pretty decent mix of like, nerdiness and ... well in my opinion, wit. I mean, I never thought I was witty, but I like some of the stupid illustrations I make. And then I chuckle to myself. At my own terrible writing.
Sad, isn't it?
Someone pointed this out to me and I never realized it, but it's true. I have to "ready myself" to do something. Like, I have to mentally prepare myself to leave or like do something (like go running) so if I'm not "mentally prepared," I don't do it. That's why it (apparently) takes me so long to go running. I think this is true! But if that's the case, then I would lack spontaneity, and for some odd reason, I have that. So does that mean I'm contradictory? (or whatever the word is? I don't like how that sounds but I'm going to keep going because it takes too long to think of a better word). I think that one mistake that many people make is that if they're a certain way, there's no way they can be the "other" way. Like for me, if I have to mentally prepare myself to do something (even something as simple as going running) then how can I be spontaneous? I feel like people can't be described with one set of words. Kind of like how there's one thought process that people will associate you with when in reality there's a branch of thought processes that spread out from that one thought process. And thus, people are misunderstood.
Apparently I look cold and selfish when people who don't know me look at me when I'm not smiling. (Like, really? So I try to smile but it ends up looking kind of awkward. Like this: :] rather than :))...
Oh well. I'm learning to stop caring but it's hard. *shrug* So it goes, so it goes.
I REALLY want to go snowboarding. However, so as not to repeat last year, I need to workout kind of a lot before I go. Or I'm probably going to break another bone. -_-;;
Anyway, that's pretty much it for now. JAPAN hopefully next week. *Hopefully* Crossing fingers and praying.
I don't know if this is lame of me or not, but I find my writing to be relatively compelling. Not like UBER compelling, just, pretty compelling. I like it. My writing style contains a pretty decent mix of like, nerdiness and ... well in my opinion, wit. I mean, I never thought I was witty, but I like some of the stupid illustrations I make. And then I chuckle to myself. At my own terrible writing.
Sad, isn't it?
Someone pointed this out to me and I never realized it, but it's true. I have to "ready myself" to do something. Like, I have to mentally prepare myself to leave or like do something (like go running) so if I'm not "mentally prepared," I don't do it. That's why it (apparently) takes me so long to go running. I think this is true! But if that's the case, then I would lack spontaneity, and for some odd reason, I have that. So does that mean I'm contradictory? (or whatever the word is? I don't like how that sounds but I'm going to keep going because it takes too long to think of a better word). I think that one mistake that many people make is that if they're a certain way, there's no way they can be the "other" way. Like for me, if I have to mentally prepare myself to do something (even something as simple as going running) then how can I be spontaneous? I feel like people can't be described with one set of words. Kind of like how there's one thought process that people will associate you with when in reality there's a branch of thought processes that spread out from that one thought process. And thus, people are misunderstood.
Apparently I look cold and selfish when people who don't know me look at me when I'm not smiling. (Like, really? So I try to smile but it ends up looking kind of awkward. Like this: :] rather than :))...
Oh well. I'm learning to stop caring but it's hard. *shrug* So it goes, so it goes.
I REALLY want to go snowboarding. However, so as not to repeat last year, I need to workout kind of a lot before I go. Or I'm probably going to break another bone. -_-;;
Anyway, that's pretty much it for now. JAPAN hopefully next week. *Hopefully* Crossing fingers and praying.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Quote from one of my other blogs
"I like how my only audience is the future me. Pretty cool (and I know you're thinking the same thing, future me.)"
This is so true. I feel like I don't know myself at all sometimes and then at other times, I know myself so well. I don't know why but I feel like other people are more "self-aware" than I am. Sometimes, I don't realize I'm stressed out until I get moody. And that's usually when I start snapping at people. (Then I realize, oh. I must be stressed out.) Is that weird?
I think that's why when they say that God knows best or whatever, I wholeheartedly can agree because I don't know what's best for me. I mean if you think about it, no one knows what's best for them because the whole idea of "what's best for someone" has to do with knowing the future, does it not? I mean aside from the obvious (eating healthy is best for you), it's like doing something is "best for so-and-so" because it'll help them with their career (or like "is for the best" would be the other phrase) is what a lot of people say but really, what if they decide to not pursue that career? Or what if they die the next day? If that's the case, then wouldn't it have been better to choose something where they could've really relished life/spent time with their loved ones? I mean granted, for the most part, there's a reason that people can say these things, because not many people go through major career changes, but how can you really say that?
I say it too without giving it much thought but I suppose its an interesting point to ponder.
I like to think that people who think they know what's best for others based on their vast knowledge of the future shouldn't be so hasty to impose their thoughts on others. I mean the whole idea of "what's best for someone" or what's "for the best" really is just a societal construct. I don't like societal constructs. I'd rather screw myself over in the future so that I can live the life I want to live.
The only thing is, knowing the trends of society, will I truly not regret taking the path that everyone took? Once I come to terms with that, I'm really going to travel the world.
If I don't, then I will forever be chained to one area, forever wondering whether or not I made the right decision. Gross. I don't want to do that.
This is so true. I feel like I don't know myself at all sometimes and then at other times, I know myself so well. I don't know why but I feel like other people are more "self-aware" than I am. Sometimes, I don't realize I'm stressed out until I get moody. And that's usually when I start snapping at people. (Then I realize, oh. I must be stressed out.) Is that weird?
I think that's why when they say that God knows best or whatever, I wholeheartedly can agree because I don't know what's best for me. I mean if you think about it, no one knows what's best for them because the whole idea of "what's best for someone" has to do with knowing the future, does it not? I mean aside from the obvious (eating healthy is best for you), it's like doing something is "best for so-and-so" because it'll help them with their career (or like "is for the best" would be the other phrase) is what a lot of people say but really, what if they decide to not pursue that career? Or what if they die the next day? If that's the case, then wouldn't it have been better to choose something where they could've really relished life/spent time with their loved ones? I mean granted, for the most part, there's a reason that people can say these things, because not many people go through major career changes, but how can you really say that?
I say it too without giving it much thought but I suppose its an interesting point to ponder.
I like to think that people who think they know what's best for others based on their vast knowledge of the future shouldn't be so hasty to impose their thoughts on others. I mean the whole idea of "what's best for someone" or what's "for the best" really is just a societal construct. I don't like societal constructs. I'd rather screw myself over in the future so that I can live the life I want to live.
The only thing is, knowing the trends of society, will I truly not regret taking the path that everyone took? Once I come to terms with that, I'm really going to travel the world.
If I don't, then I will forever be chained to one area, forever wondering whether or not I made the right decision. Gross. I don't want to do that.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Updates I guess?
So its been like months since I blogged (honestly haven't had the time - this time it wasn't laziness or a lack of anything to say...)
Not sure exactly but haven't been able to sleep (too restless for my own good... I need to sleep X.x)
I think I need to exercise to burn off this extra energy. Meh.
Work's been busy and I've been trying to cook healthy meals (chicken, vegetables, etc.) as well as sleep more (this has not been happening the last two weeks) and all this other like "healthy" stuff. I mean it's been working for the most part but I want to start really focusing on working out. It's not working as yet. Bleh. Hopefully next week will be a better week.
Went to Jeju Island with a visiting friend (that was nice) made some new friends and am getting out more (yay go me). I like Korea's jazz scene. Hope I can make it out to see that one famous bassist on Sat. We'll see.
There's a costume party this Sat and the theme is "stereotypes" so I'm going to go as a stereotypical goth (but I'm going to try to look like a hot stereotypical goth, not one those creepy fat looking ones). HEHE very excited. Sad that I don't have my leather jacket but I should be able to make do. ^_^ People are gonna stare at me in the subway and that's gonna be the whole point. Maybe I should hiss at them. :P (Yeah right I don't have the balls to do it)
Ok I'm rambling now. It's time for bed. G'night all.
Not sure exactly but haven't been able to sleep (too restless for my own good... I need to sleep X.x)
I think I need to exercise to burn off this extra energy. Meh.
Work's been busy and I've been trying to cook healthy meals (chicken, vegetables, etc.) as well as sleep more (this has not been happening the last two weeks) and all this other like "healthy" stuff. I mean it's been working for the most part but I want to start really focusing on working out. It's not working as yet. Bleh. Hopefully next week will be a better week.
Went to Jeju Island with a visiting friend (that was nice) made some new friends and am getting out more (yay go me). I like Korea's jazz scene. Hope I can make it out to see that one famous bassist on Sat. We'll see.
There's a costume party this Sat and the theme is "stereotypes" so I'm going to go as a stereotypical goth (but I'm going to try to look like a hot stereotypical goth, not one those creepy fat looking ones). HEHE very excited. Sad that I don't have my leather jacket but I should be able to make do. ^_^ People are gonna stare at me in the subway and that's gonna be the whole point. Maybe I should hiss at them. :P (Yeah right I don't have the balls to do it)
Ok I'm rambling now. It's time for bed. G'night all.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Some girls have shoe fetishes
I think I have a book fetish. I didn't think it was too bad but I realized that the last like 3-4 times that I went (or even just a place that sells books - like Costco), I've walked out with at least 2-3 books. -_- And what's worse, is I haven't yet to read a majority of them. I don't know what it is. I'm interested so I pick it up but then I don't get around to it and buy more books. I don't have any space really for those books anymore and I've still to finish a good 6 volumes (I'm in the middle of all of them 'cept I don't think I'll ever get around to some of them - like I'm 1/3 of the way through the sound and the fury. I just don't think it's going to happen).
Hm. I must say though, there is a certain amount of allure to these books and for some reason, they seem more valuable here since there's a smaller range of books I can buy and they're usually ridiculously overpriced...
Meh. I guess I'll just stop buying books until I finish the ones that I have (except I have to buy Steig Larsson's newest book. Apparently it's coming into Korea next week. :D :D :D) he he he
So it goes, so it goes.
Hm. I must say though, there is a certain amount of allure to these books and for some reason, they seem more valuable here since there's a smaller range of books I can buy and they're usually ridiculously overpriced...
Meh. I guess I'll just stop buying books until I finish the ones that I have (except I have to buy Steig Larsson's newest book. Apparently it's coming into Korea next week. :D :D :D) he he he
So it goes, so it goes.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Fashion
So I decided to take the plunge.
I only feel myself getting older and I hate that phrase "youth is wasted on the young". I may be young but I'm not going to waste it (and honestly, comparatively, I could be considered "old"). Meh.
At any rate, I decided to explore, not care if I look like crap and overall try to take care of my appearance somewhat and find my "image". I honestly used to be somewhat wary of doing this because I felt like I would become superficial. The "Omg, where did you get that like lipstick? It's so like y'know, cute! I was like looking for that exact shade. And omigosh, I went to the mall yesterday...." (and so on) but perhaps I just need to make sure to keep true to myself and I think I'll be fine. I don't want to brand myself with one particular style simply because I feel like a multitude of styles should define someone but I still want to match or at least be aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Hm.
I figured Korea was the best place to experiment because there's such a wide range of fashion here and even if I don't match, I'll just be one of the many people here that clash like crazy. *shrug* so it goes.
I only feel myself getting older and I hate that phrase "youth is wasted on the young". I may be young but I'm not going to waste it (and honestly, comparatively, I could be considered "old"). Meh.
At any rate, I decided to explore, not care if I look like crap and overall try to take care of my appearance somewhat and find my "image". I honestly used to be somewhat wary of doing this because I felt like I would become superficial. The "Omg, where did you get that like lipstick? It's so like y'know, cute! I was like looking for that exact shade. And omigosh, I went to the mall yesterday...." (and so on) but perhaps I just need to make sure to keep true to myself and I think I'll be fine. I don't want to brand myself with one particular style simply because I feel like a multitude of styles should define someone but I still want to match or at least be aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Hm.
I figured Korea was the best place to experiment because there's such a wide range of fashion here and even if I don't match, I'll just be one of the many people here that clash like crazy. *shrug* so it goes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)