Poetry

Poetry distills the essence of moments, I think.

When you're trying to capture exactly what happened, I think poetry is the best way to capture it. It might not make sense to other people but if you can capture the moment whether it has any beauty or whatever in it, then you've captured the moment in writing.

I think the most difficult part of it is that in order to do that, the poem must be revisited multiple times in different situations to ensure that the moment is properly captured. If it is able to evoke the same memory from these re-visitations, then it has been properly written.

And I think it should be beautifully written. I wonder if that's possible now. Has creativity run dry or have people just become lazy in trying to find different constructs to the same experiences everyone has gone through in life?

I like poetry. It's simple yet so deep.

Y'know what I like about being in school?

It brings out the thoughtfulness in me. The part of my brain that thinks interesting thoughts. I think that's why I want to be an academic. The stimulation of thought. It makes me more interesting. It makes my thoughts more interesting to me. I wonder if I become more interesting to others because of it. I hope so.

[edit] Oct. 3. 2012

Oh how quickly things change with midterms! I like how my attitude did a 180 when things started getting busy.

On a different note, with the whole creativity thing, I realized part of what it is, is resonances of the modern era (Hemingway among others). They simplified writing and then there were (still are, I think?) artistic movements with ideas like "form follows function" that I think really seeped into the writing. I mean there are obviously other factors that play into what writing and art has become today, but perhaps it is for this reason that we don't seek beauty solely for aesthetic purposes.  How functional is it, how accessible to the public, how much is it worth? All these things are what writers, artists and musicians take into account when doing any creative work, is it not? One thing with artists of any kind is the idea that if it cannot be used in any way, if you cannot turn your art into a viable source of income, it is useless. I feel very much this way when I practice any of the instruments I have a superficial interest in. When I draw. I know that my music and my art will never be good enough to be publicized. Ever. So does that make my hobbies useless? Is it wrong to want to pursue these things despite their seemingly lack in worth? I think that there are many people who do exactly that (pursue hobbies for the heck of it, knowing it'll never become their day job), I just feel unproductive doing it. I guess I have a hard time justifying such "unproductive" things.

Raindrops falling on my head

Not quite what I'm going through but the tune matches my mood.

It's what good conversation'll do to me. ^_^

Venting

Omg, seriously.

I hate sloppy work. I understand mistakes happen. An occasional typo, a small mistake here or there, that's fine. But seriously? I have to clean up that mess?

I'm just pissed because I said that mistakes add up. The response? "I'm sorry for making those small mistakes."

I'm sorry but in this line of work, those "small" mistakes reflect really badly on you. And on our company. It makes you look sloppy, negates what the teachers are trying to teach and defeats the purpose of the work we're doing.

Really now.

Seriously annoyed. I hate having to clean up after people. I guess it's because I feel like I'm not responsible for it but I still have to mop up the mess. If it's your job, do it right. I hate having to fix those kinds of mistakes. I mean I make mistakes. I make plenty of mistakes, but not these. I think what my problem is, is that I know I can do a better job. What sucks even more, is that perhaps I'm the reason that the job isn't getting done properly. What am I not conveying to her that needs to be conveyed? Am I just that much of a failure as her employer?

Is it bad that I just want to have her fired now? Because she can't do her job? After the second project?

I need to give her more of a chance, I think. But when is enough?

I guess since I didn't do a good enough job of training her, I need to take responsibility for my actions. Perhaps I did bring it onto myself. The student is only as good as the teacher, they say, right? I'm doing something wrong. How depressing. Ugh, I hate such situations.

Going home... or perhaps leaving home?

The reality that I'm leaving for good still hasn't hit me. My room's packed and the boxes have been taken away so I'm sitting in this room (again that doesn't quite feel like my room) with minimal things and yet, I still don't feel like I'm leaving. Perhaps I've gotten so used to the pattern of accepting my surroundings and adjusting accordingly to whatever exists that it doesn't feel foreign to have all my stuff gone. Or perhaps it's simply because I never really felt that this room was mine. My stuff was in it, that's all.

I'm not quite sure what it is, I just feel odd. The fact that I haven't been sleeping on a regular schedule and work has been quite overwhelming is definitely a contributing factor. The heat hasn't been helping either. I definitely melt in heat. Blah.

In the end, I can't pinpoint what it is, but I guess I don't feel like I'm leaving. Do I know, deep down inside, that I'll be coming back? I don't want to come back but the reality of the possibility exists and it's something I can't deny.

What an odd place to be in life! I can't say it's a good thing or a bad thing, just that it's odd.

Consequence

I realized I don't take consequences seriously.

I mean when I have the face the consequences of my decisions and I've done something stupid, it sucks.

However, I don't think I take the the consequences of my actions as seriously as I previous gave myself credit for.

Basically, I've fallen into the pattern of taking things less seriously than they should. To a certain extent, I think all people should take themselves less seriously but lately I've been doing it with things of rather serious consequence.

Gah.

Back home

I'm back in a room that's supposed to be mine, but all I feel is that my stuff is gathered into a room that has the semblance of what is supposed to be my room.

I can't find a thing. -_-

Cooking

I love cooking.

I realized more and more just how awesome cooking is. Well, more than that, I realized how much I really really like cooking. Then, of course I started to think about making a career out of it, and I decided there's no way I want to make a career out of cooking.

But I would like to devote this entry to the awesome-ness of cooking and why I like it.

1. No rules, just guidelines. Unlike a lot of the world and society, I can break all the rules if I want to. I don't have to follow the recipe to the T and it usually still comes out okay. I try to use some kind of logic but the cool thing is, it doesn't matter if I'm a little off or if I add a little extra salt or basil because usually it doesn't ruin the recipe (though honestly, I feel like if you add too much cinnamon or any strong herb, it kills it - I tried to make rosemary lemon chicken once and completely failed because I didn't know how much rosemary to add - I didn't use a recipe that time though.) Basically, the beauty about cooking is that there's a lot of room for creativity, but there are boundaries (with the help of recipes) so that you won't completely screw up. If I want to make something I like, I usually look up several recipes for the same thing and see where the recipes differ - what ingredients are the same, how much is required, etc. Since they usually differ a little, I can start to see where I have the freedom to mess around and make it my own.

2. No pressure. I'm not cooking for anyone but myself. If I screw up, I'm the only one who has to deal with the consequences (and eat the nasty thing - thankfully that rosemary lemon chicken was really the only utter failure. The stuff I make usually isn't terrible. Oh, I made this awesome smelling chicken vegetable stew that turned out pretty bland but even that with a little hot sauce was okay. :P)

3. Relaxing, yet productive. I can de-stress and not feel like I'm wasting my day away (which is how I feel when I play Tetris Battle for like an hour). I can spend hours in the kitchen and be completely at ease about it - I know some people hate being in the kitchen for long periods of time but I find the kitchen to be an agreeable place for me.

I realized how much I like cooking here because it's actually incredibly inconvenient to cook since I'm at a hotel and at the center the cooking situation is not ideal.

Basically, all I have is a skillet-type thing and a pot-type thing (it's not very deep either so making pasta was a little tricky). I don't have a spatula and I have to take all my dishes downstairs if I want to do the dishes. I also have take all my vegetables and fruit downstairs to wash them. Or I use a big water bottle and a bowl as a makeshift sink. Oh, but the microwave is a grill/oven/microwave all in one. It's kind of cool (I made toast using it!). So yeah. I like cooking. ^_^

I mean I took some pictures (below) and none of it looks very good and in terms of taste, it's usually a "meh! not bad" instead of  a "wow, this is really good, I'm going to make this again!" but it doesn't change the fact that I like cooking.

(and of course I'll only choose the pictures that actually make my cooking look half decent - hehe!)

^ so above is a spinach omelette I made. without a spatula (that's why it's all broken and what not!). Anyway, it came out pretty decent! Spinach is too troublesome to wash though. Oh and if you look closely, I cooked the eggs for too long. I'm still trying to get that down.

^ I fried some veggies (with oil, salt, pepper, basil, a little sugar and tabasco) and then they had something called hamburg steak and I think they already added some kind of sauce or something (Worcestershire sauce?) so the meat itself was really soft and flavorful. I added salt, pepper, olive oil and as can be seen (slightly burnt ^^;;) onions and garlic. I forgot how much oil comes out of meat... I added butter to the pan before I cooked the patties so they were swimming in oil. -_- It came out pretty decent though! :)