The mind and body

So this is kind of an extension from the previous post but it turned into something completely different and random so I separated the post. If you think about it, what one's body does and what one thinks one's body should do are often times at odds with each other. Like with the fat thing (see previous post), your mind tells you that food is good, you like cookies and thus, you will eat all the cookies in the bag when your body is very clearly telling you to stop eating because you're full and you want to throw up. Your brain overrides those concerns and you eat until you barf.

Why is that? When did our minds take so much precedence over our bodies to the point where we are quite literally working them to death? Working, eating, even the very idea of self-control implies this. Well, self-control is something else, I think (I'll get to that in a bit). When our bodies are tired, we force ourselves to stay awake or do all sorts of fun things (coffee, energy drinks, caffeine pills) to keep our bodies awake. And ironically, trying to keep the body awake like that decreases the functionality of the mind and body...

It's an interesting thing, the mind.

The very idea of self-control is interesting, too, if you think about it. Why must one tell oneself to stop doing something? Or why must one restrict oneself? I suppose this stems from an idea that the mind and body are one or whole, thus self-control shouldn't be necessary. So the very premise of the idea that the mind and body are one is flawed.

If the mind and body is not one, then it makes sense that one must exercise self-control in order to check the collisions of the mind and body, i.e. my mind wants my body to do this, but my body often will not respond accordingly or will not listen.

It works the other way too in the sense that one must exercise self-control because one does not have control over their body regardless of what one's mind tells them to do. With the eating analogy, it becomes, "My hand keeps reaching into the bag of chips even though my mind is telling me that I should stop."

But self-control also implies that there is a battle within the mind as well because there implies that you want to do more than one thing and you must stop yourself from doing one or more of those things.

Freud would've called the two sides of this battle the id and the superego but I hesitate to do so because I find his definitions somewhat inadequate. If anything, there is a battle of wills - what you want to do, what you should do, what you think you should do, what you've been told to do, etc. Perhaps one could argue that there are many sides - that there are multiple "wills" that are at odds with each other and that one must exercise self-control to do what is determined to be appropriate for that situation (though often times this does not happen). Like when you tell yourself that you should start your homework as soon as you get home and before you realize it, it's bedtime. What just happened there? Which "will" took over? Where was your mind then?

Eh. This one feels half-baked still. I suppose I still have to work on this thought but there is a separation with the mind and body and to me, that in and of itself is quite interesting.

Fat People

I've been going on tirades about this with some friends and I suppose living in Asia for 3 1/2 years has contributed to this and hopefully after saying my piece here, I'll finally be able to stop fat people-hating.

I don't hate fat people per se. I don't like people who are fat who complain about being fat and turn around and eat three glazed donuts. I don't like that fat people are celebrated in ways that they shouldn't be. The excuses (many of the times) is pure bullshit and I'm actually pretty heartless about it.

Now, keep in mind, there's a vast difference between fat and curvy. VAST. Curvy simply means you have a lot of curves, big boobs, big butt, big thighs, etc. You can't help it. That's fine, beautiful, and in this culture, celebrated. However, you can help the fat on those curves. That's what I mean by fat. I mean the fat as in it's tiring for you to get up and sit down. I mean the fat where people have to move aside to let you through. I mean the fat where it gets in the way for your daily life, where it starts affecting your health. I'm talking about the fat where your stomach sticks out so much that it's difficult to bend over and for women, people often mistake you for being pregnant. I'm talking about the fat on your body - call it body percent fat, where it folds over on itself and there are rolls. There are a multitude of excuses people have and it's all bullshit.

"I can't help it." Yes you can. Eat less. Start exercising. Then perhaps try to start eating healthier. FIGURE IT OUT. Humans were not created to be dumb - we have the one characteristic that other animals don't have, which is a history of knowledge that allows us to learn from dumb things humans did in the past (though some situations and some repeated mistakes indicate that perhaps humans will never learn......). We also are extremely adaptable - your body will get used to it and the results will show. Stop being a baby about it. Personally, I'd rather die still being able to move than being bedridden and crawling just to get around. Perhaps that's just me.

"I'm beautiful for the way I am." No, you're simply being unhealthy. I don't care how beautiful you think you are, you're going to die a horrible death. Okay, I'm exaggerating. A little. Seriously, the health risks go up exponentially when you're fat. Think about it.

"It's a family condition." And yet, there's so much one can do to alleviate such things. Humans were not created equal physically speaking. Some people are tall, others are short. Some have curly hair, others straight. Some have perfect skin, others have to deal with acne for the rest of their lives. Some people are hairy, others are pretty much hairless. People have genetic predispositions to things, yes, I get that. Just because it's "unfair" that the skinny bitch-friend you have can eat just about anything and not get fat does not give you an excuse to do the same. Some people can't eat the same things others can - that's just the way it works. Same thing with food allergies and lactose intolerance. FIGURE IT OUT. Just because one is more predisposed to obesity doesn't mean that one will be stuck being obese. No one who has a genetic predisposition for cancer is going to sit there and actively contribute to getting that cancer, now are they? How does it make any sense that someone with a genetic predisposition towards obesity will try to contribute to their obesity?

"But it's so good." So is smoking to people who can't quit. It doesn't change the fact that you're slowly eating yourself to death. (Yes, it's another extreme way of putting it, but sometimes I wonder, is it really?)

Now, that's not to say that food addiction doesn't exist. That is a problem and I remember watching this TV show where the person was likening their food addiction with a drug addiction. The person said, "Try telling a heroine addict that they can only have a small amount of heroine, three times a day." It's pretty much impossible to do, y'know? In that sense, the problem is far more complex than simply "Stop eating so much and exercise." So yes, I get that obesity with certain people is a problem. For the vast majority of Americans, it's simply laziness and complacency because people don't think it's that big of a deal. I say Americans because the rest of the world (at least what little I've seen of it) is not that fat or that unhealthy.

What's the problem with Americans? The food sucks. Oh, but what about the decadence? It isn't decadent, it's just sugar, butter and oil. Seriously, where are the flavors? Oh, MSG? Yeah, that's not really all that good. Try not to have it for a while. When you try to eat it again, it's actually kind of really nasty. The very food culture of America is why Americans are so freaking fat. If I want to go out and eat, my choices are severely limited by the fact that I want to eat healthy. So what do I do? I end up eating at home. Cooking's hard, especially for people who don't like it. So basically there's this problem of not cooking and going out to eat or buying things that are easy to make and it all being full of preservatives and all sorts of other nasty things.

But that's not an excuse. Fat is fat. Fat is unhealthy. And it's gross.

That's not to say that the skinny people out there are necessarily any better. Bulimia, anorexia and the rest stem from this problem with body image. Yes yes yes, everyone wants to look good, media promotes that women (and men to a certain extent) have to look a certain way, blah blah blah. This conversation's been reiterated so many times it's nauseating to rehash.

What it comes down to is this: if you think you're fat, how healthy are you? Do you exercise regularly? Do you eat healthy? (and don't be forgiving, I mean healthy to an extreme - few desserts, cutting out a vast majority of the unhealthy fat and sugar, etc. People's diets will differ because different types of food work differently with different people - just the way it is. Some people can process a lot of carbs, others need to cut down on them, etc.) Do you overeat a lot? I actually think this is one of the biggest problems in America. The portions are HUGE and for whatever reason, everyone feels like they need to finish everything. When you overeat, the only person to suffer is you. It's like shooting yourself in the foot and trying to run a marathon. You aren't going to get very far. Why would you do that to yourself?

If you're doing all the above and you still think you're fat, then y'know what? Hey, you're doing what you can and I have nothing to say. Power to you. You probably look better than you think you do. And you probably feel a lot better too. That's what's important. If you feel healthy, then honestly, who gives a crap about how you look? (Note that feeling good has nothing to do with it - there is a difference.)

The sad thing about this post though, is that I too am guilty of eating unhealthy. Like I said, the culture tends to that. We celebrate birthdays with a cake. We bake people cookies/baked good for various reasons or give out candy to children for various holidays (Easter, Halloween, etc.). Candy and chocolate make quick snacks.

I like my chocolate. I think though, what people don't realize is how unhealthy these things are. Everything in moderation - that's the key to health (or so I've heard). Yet the amount of sugar in one cookie, or in one cupcake or doughnut already exceeds that "moderation" or balance that one apparently should seek when it comes to sugar/fat intake. In the end, I don't know. I guess it was a pretty big shock to me when I came back to America and I went from being "normal" in Asia to "skinny." And I don't think I'm particularly skinny because I associate skinny with unhealthy too.

And when it comes down to it, I shouldn't even be judging people for what they eat, especially because I'm not perfect either. I keep going through these ridiculous phases of various types of unhealthy food - chocolate (though dark chocolate is healthier and thankfully, it's also what I like), doughnuts (this one was bad), red velvet anything (mainly cakes and cupcakes).... Still, I try to keep the portions down (usually 1/4 or less of what is there...). And because I've been eating healthier, eating less and exercising pretty much every day, my body rejects all the fatty crap that I shouldn't be eating. My body complains when I eat too much grease and I'm thankful for that because then I listen and I stop.

Anyway, I started going on this huge random tangent, but now I'm going to make it into a separate post.

So yeah. Fat people. I don't hate them. I just think they're the epitome of unhealthiness and laziness. Yes, I'm overgeneralizing. I have several bigger friends and I don't judge them for being the size that they are. I worry about their health and encourage them to be healthy (which is pretty much all I can do as a friend, right?) but I don't judge them simply because of their size. I think what it comes down to is that the very existence of a group of people who are unhealthy to the point where it physically manifests itself is why I am so heartless to the idea of fat people (moreso than the individuals themselves). And in many ways, I blame culture for it.

Eh, it's a problem that can't be solved, which is why I think I bitch about it so much. Maybe somewhere in my head, I think that if I talk about it enough, the problem will spontaneously get fixed somehow. *shrug*

Crowds

Came across a random realization and it's quite an unfortunate one, I think.

I realized I have thoughts that I want to write down somewhere or do something with (turn into a story or a blog post or something) and then other thoughts will creep in (sometimes completely irrelevant) and I will forget what I was thinking about. It happens more often than I like to admit. I suppose I found the initial thoughts to be interesting in some way or another but then other thoughts get in the way of that.

Thoughts that crowd out other thoughts. It was interesting to (quite ironically) think about.

The things I do

Why do you...?
What's the point of...?
Is it worth...?

I realized that for a lot of the things that I do, the answer is very simple. "Because I like it." "Because I enjoy it."

I mean there are deeper reasons, I suppose and I would be lying if I said that society and the eyes of society weren't a factor.

But when it comes down to it, that's what it is. I enjoy being healthy. I enjoy having a healthy lifestyle. I enjoy pursuing things that I have an interest in.

There's no point in doing something you think is a waste of time. Either embrace it as a hobby or discard it. Who cares what people think? If you enjoy what you enjoy, then pursue it.

I think that I can justify a lot of things that I do. I don't mean in the sense of "Oh, I'm building character" or anything like that. It really just boils down to that: I like it. I find it enjoyable.

I suppose it's a little simplistic. To get into it a little more, if you're shirking responsibility to do something that you consider a waste of time, then there's a problem. However, if during your free time, you're "wasting time" doing something - why do it? There's no point, is there? Either embrace the fact that you're doing something that could be perceived as a waste of time, or stop doing it. That's really what it boils down to especially at my age, I think.

Just the right motivation at just the right time

I realize that I don't listen to anyone. Pretty much no one, if I try to list names. I don't listen to authority because I simply don't care. I mean I'm not a rebel. I don't sit blatantly go against people I don't care about or care about for that matter. I try to be a good person. I listen to what people have to say, I help when I can, and as much as I can, I try not to do it for anyone else but for that person, or for myself. It may sound selfish that I'm helping others for myself (there apparently can be a whole philosophical debate on altruism...), but I think it's better than doing something to look good in front of others. The unfortunate truth is that I do do that. I try not to, but I do. That's why I try so hard not to do things to look good in front of others. I have a tendency to go in that direction (oh, but doesn't everyone?) so I stop myself when I catch myself doing something for the sake of reputation, looks or whatever else you want to call it. I think that's part of the reason why I have so much fear of being recognized as a "local" in a certain area or being known as something. I get branded as something, and then in many ways, I almost feel like I'm forced to act according to my brand. I have to meet those expectations or else people's opinion of me goes down. Those expectations that I know I'm not going to meet is what makes me want to travel. To be unknown, yet do good. That's what I came to realize I want to do. I suppose the counterargument is that other people's opinions don't matter and yes, to a certain extent they don't. What sucks is actually, they kind of do, because if you want to do something with your life or get somewhere, do something, those very people whose opinions you've chosen not to care about could help you get to that point. That's why they say networking is so important and that's why in many ways, sometimes, I just want to be a hermit in a mountain somewhere. I mean then it becomes "well you just need to look good in front of them." No. That's my answer. No. I am me. I think what it is, is that I don't want to change myself or compromise myself in the name of looking good in front of others. Eh. It's a long and hackneyed discussion. Let us move on.

In the end, is my desire not to have a title, not to be associated or branded as a certain type of person just running away from responsibility and taking consequences for one's actions? To do good is one thing, but to constantly do good is another and it's something that I've come to realize I can't do. I can't do constant. Consistency is something I severely lack and I've always severely lacked (I can trace it to the age of 12, when I started to stay up late to finish my homework...). I wonder though, with the new year, if I can really change that. Oh please don't let it just be a new years resolution. That's just stupid. That's why I never liked new years resolutions. Why does a resolution, a re-evaluation of oneself have to come during the new year? One should constantly be re-evaluating oneself. It doesn't happen which is why people do it during the new year, but I suppose I just don't like that it's only done once a year and then the next 11 months of the year become a glaring reminder of what people view as their shortcomings. Eh.

So going back to this idea of listening to people - I suppose their advice or their opinions on things. When it comes to life, if I don't feel that I need to listen to you, or if I feel that your experience and knowledge aren't complete - in the sense that what I know and what I've been through is comparable, I won't blatantly undermine your experience and knowledge, but I will undermine your opinion. It isn't in any disrespectful way - as in I won't disregard or discredit what you have to say - the point is that everyone can be wrong. We only know the lense of what society and history as taught us. However hackneyed life lessons are, we don't fully understand it until we've experienced it ourselves. That's why people can talk about love, suffering, hate, relationships and all sorts of issues but unless they've personally experienced it, they really don't know the depth of those things. People can talk about these things apart from living it and it becomes a logical formula that people just need to follow. However, it isn't as simple as that. I think that's why when it comes to a lot of life decisions, I ask a lot of people. Not because I don't value certain people's opinions, but because I don't think anyone has the right answer. In the end, our decisions are our own - however we choose to make of them. That's why I value the opinion of the Bible. It has life. It understands the human condition. We may think we have it, but we really don't - that's why there are still those stupid sayings, those stupid motivational speakers, those stupid nudgings everywhere that tell us to stop living the life we're living because something about it is inherently wrong. It's interesting because at least after industrialization, it's been that way.

Anyway, I digress yet again. I could rant on and on about life yet reach no conclusion.

I talked to my dad. He's a wonderful man, really. He's so ambitious and it really is inspiring to see him work and to remember where he's come from and what he's accomplished despite such humble beginnings. I realized after talking to him that he's one of the few people I'll listen to. It isn't because he's lived his life perfectly or because he's all-knowing or always right. He just knows the reality of life. It's usually something simple "we do things because we have to" but contains so much truth. I don't know - it was something I'd been telling myself these past couple of weeks I'd been so useless but I suppose hearing it from him made the difference.

Anyway, I love my parents. That was really the point of this entry though it's gone in circles to other directions. ^^

Old Posts

Sometimes I start posts/thoughts that I mean to post (I only have like 3 really) but when I go back to finish them, I realize that I no longer care to finish that thought/post. Basically, if I've thought something out in my head, it's difficult for me to go back and complete on "paper." In other words, if the thought's been completed and I've reached some kind of conclusion, it doesn't need to be jotted down. It almost makes me question whether or not I should be writing them in the first place. What's equally unfortunate is that if I've come to some conclusion, I do like to think that I've absorbed the lesson learned and moved on, but more often than not, I find myself coming across the very same conclusion I had made years ago, simply because I've reached it and forgotten it, like a dusty old box of memories that I found in the attic of my brain. Eh. I suppose the new thing that I'm trying to do is to take these "conclusions" that I've reached and do something about it.

작심삼일. It roughly translates to 3 days of passion (after which one's passion and drive completely dies). It's what is described as the motivation that a person has to do something that lasts a very short period of time. This is what my action based on my conclusion is like. How to change such things?

Oh new years, why do you make one think of such things?

I wish I could liken myself to Coleridge, who was told that he would amount to nothing for lack of concentration and ambition to see a project through. In the end, I'm just latching onto less favorable qualities of famous writers so as to justify those same qualities I see in myself so that I could validate my desire to be a writer in some way or another. It's funny how many times I roll my eyes at myself.

Concentration Level: 0

Seriously, two weeks (or less than that, I think). I cannot concentrate worth anything. I suppose it's been like this for a while, but it's been far worse. I think I'm cut out for teaching. I taught for more than 3 hours straight with no problem at all. I've been trying to work (my real job) and I cannot for the life of me work longer than  30 minute blocks.

Doing the undesirable? Yes, but I like this job. I like my boss. It's not enough. Gah.

I needta stop complaining but seriously, my head's going to explode. T.T