Language and Culture

Nebulous concepts that embody so much.

Nebulous because they defy simple definition. I mean there's always going to be the dictionary definition, but what language, culture, and a host of other ideas embody is hard to pin down because it is constantly changing. There are rules but language and culture are creative. There can be a ripple in the rules that permanently change the thing.

I see concepts (ideas?) such as language and culture as clay or something a little more elastic where a nudge may cause a ripple, but a strong enough force (whether one big force or tiny and repetitive force in one location) changes the shape of the thing. Slang enters the realm of dictionary language and is eventually absorbed into the "norm."

These things are three-dimensional and change according to circumstance. It's fascinating.

Poetry is evocative

So many thoughts roaming around in my head!

There are too many thought projects to synthesize into coherency.. I shall list a few to at least get something down.

1. The perception of people's states as stationary or robust (is that the word?) and how it affects another person's attitude toward them.
2. Life, attitudes, and our surroundings is all about synthesis.
3. Cooking, for me, does not end with a "finished dish." Like reading, I am in constant dialogue with my cooking.
4. The illusion in certainty.
5. Poetry's ability to evoke emotion with its outward simplicity and underlying complexity. (And I do love wordplay).

Bah, I'll never get through them all.

Been motivated now that I'm pretty much over my cold (there's a lingering cough, as if to remind me of my weakened state).

Poetry makes me poetic. Rather, it makes me enjoy wordplay.

Getting back into writing, at least fiction. Now to turn that energy towards academic writing! It really is like an imposing wall, just looming over me in this very domineering and impregnable fashion.

Perhaps it is all in my head. I feel like my thoughts are bouncing in 100 different directions. We shall see where this leads us (because each of my thoughts has become a person, turning me, into a collective we).

What if it's not enough?

Lately, I feel like the stakes in life have gotten higher. The mistakes I make, the things I do or don't do down to even the events I attend or groups I choose to take part in all seem to make a mark on my future.

One can chalk it up to just stress and age and perhaps a number of other factors, which may or may not be true and beyond that, I think my conclusion is this:

Whatever happens will happen. I just need to do what I've always been doing. So what if the window of opportunity is getting smaller? Or that bigger life decisions are coming up? In the end, I feel like I've always approached life in a manner where I'll end up where I need to be, when I need to and I don't see why that should change now. By putting more pressure on myself, I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I just need to be good at what I love and keep loving the people in my life to the best of my ability. There's nothing else I can do, really.

I don't know why I forgot that recently.

And now comes the hard part. Living this philosophy.

Good parenting is...

when your children acknowledge that you've done a good job.

For obvious reasons, this statement has flaws but more and more I realize that I've been blessed with awesome parents. By no means were they perfect nor have they become any closer to it now because they're older (and somehow, we associate age and experience with wisdom...). However, the decisions they made, the type of people they were, they type of people they have become, the experiences they chose to put us kids through (or perhaps there was less choosing and more falling into though..), and the way they raised us helped to form us as people. I see resonances of their philosophies in the way I live my life and I can say that I've picked up some good things from them. I say that my parents did a good job, despite (most likely) being clueless, because I knew I was loved, I knew they were trying, and I knew they listened.

One thing that I've noticed with parents is that children often think their parents can't/don't change but perhaps it has to do with the child's approach to them. The parent-child relationship is always evolving (quite obviously because children grow up and parents age) and sometimes one side or the other doesn't want to or can't seem to acknowledge the change/growth and friction forms, the relationship never grows, or it becomes toxic. I sometimes feel like an anomaly when I realize that my parents treat me like an adult amidst all the people who complain that their parents don't listen or don't acknowledge that they are adults too. So I feel lucky. But I do think that there are a lot of kids whose relationships with their parents have evolved in a good way - perhaps I only hear the complaints because one never does seem to talk about how awesome things are with one's parents (or significant others or friends or anyone of significance, really... the talking usually is about the bad, whether it is to see if there is any advice that can be given or simply to vent.. hm.. I smell another blog post with this one...).

At any rate, I am not a perfect being nor do I claim to be one and there are flaws in all things human. However, I'm glad that I had the parents I did and I'm thankful for what they did for me, especially for instilling me with the values that they have.

Aww, it's too early for either of the parent's day, but I'm just glad they exist. :) I can only hope that I become like them.

I love you, Mom and Dad.

Contrary

Been feeling off all day. My entire existence annoyed me today.

Depressed? Perhaps.

Bad mood? Oh, for sure. And because I was in a bad mood, I didn't want to do anything, which put me in a worse mood because I was being unproductive.

Got some stuff done, talked to the bf (love that he makes me laugh :)), and felt marginally better.

Eh, perhaps sleep will help.

I feel like being dramatic and it annoys me. I'm being meta-dramatic now. Ugh.

Tomorrow will be a better day. Sleep cures all, imo.

Progress!

I have found an article whose content I find to be fascinating. Often times, these academic articles are so dull compared to the novel or work that it strives to analyze that obligation dictates my perusal of them. However, I think that perhaps I am starting to understand better the enjoyment behind research and what it means to be an academe.

How do I know this?

I begrudged an interruption by my dad from the world I was in while reading the article.

I dive into language and learning and as I lose myself in that world, I find small pleasures in the knowledge that is imparted to me. This is perhaps another small reminder of why I am here, doing what I do.

And at the same time, a small, but noticeable sign of my progress (growth?) as a graduate student! Oh the joys of the little things in life...

Reading and yet more reading

What is it about other people's thoughts, their theories, their way of thinking that is so hard for me to absorb? What is it they are trying to say and why is it so hard for me to follow?

Narration and narratives are easy. There is a story to tell and you take it apart based on the way the author chooses to portray a story. What, of life, did the author choose to show as important? Why did the author choose to focus on the psychology of the characters rather than the action of the plot? Such things are easy to decipher.

We enter the realm of the philosophy or the theory behind the writing and suddenly, I feel like I hit a wall.

Joseph Conrad and Henry James. Their driving philosophies should render their work more accessible. Yet their very philosophies is where I fail. To follow people through the logic of their thoughts isn't difficult yet something is stopping understanding.

Perhaps it's just time for me to go to bed. Bah.