Been trying to be healthy (basically trying to be more mindful about it - I mean I'm not perfect; I enjoy my cupcakes and pizza every once in a while) and I realized that it did pay off. :D I mean not just with the eating but I've been exercising fairly regularly (I guess?) and I'm not as out of shape as I thought I was!
And I can still do a back walkover.
That's right. :D
Bahaha.
Sunday, April 19, 2015
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
I am a donkey
I suppose, rather, that I want to be able to motivate myself very much using this method.
Or rather than wanting to, I have decided to, I guess is the right way of saying it.
"I will finish X before doing Y."
I think the problem that I have is that I turn X into this unmanageable amount of work that I can't possibly do, and then I give up.
"I will finish reading 600 pages in 2 hours before eating dinner."
Of course I get hungry, give up, and then lose all motivation to continue. It seems foolish, but for some reason I've kept doing this.
If I must, I will become a donkey to move forward!
Onward and upward, as they say!
(Or perhaps downward in this case....)
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Bigger isn't better nor is more worth it
People don't like obesity. There's definitely an interesting campaign to reclaim beauty for larger people but honestly, I can't always sympathize with fat people. I've gone on a rant before here,
I guess to look at the issue from a different angle is the idea that more is always better. I mean yes, there is a certain amount of money that can be saved in buying in bulk, but what it is and whether or not it's really worth it really needs to be examined.
For someone whose apartment is the size of a pea (like me), I can't afford to have a lot of things that take up a lot of space. Non-perishables, like soap, toilet paper, facial tissue, and the like are some of the things that I buy in bulk, but I wonder, with all the clutter in my room, what am I sacrificing?
I have to find a place to store it and remember that I have it at that place. I think with the stuff that you use on a daily basis, it's fine, but with things that aren't used very frequently that I think I run across issues. Light bulbs for example. Lately, they last forever. Do I really need 5 of them because it's cheaper per bulb? Does that mean I'll be lugging it around with me everywhere I move because I saved $0.15 per bulb?
If the thing is something that I really don't use, the fact that the thing takes up space and then I have to remember where I put the dang thing becomes a problem. I bought a desk lamp when I went to college. That's more than 12 years ago. IKEA was selling the replacement bulbs so I bought one in case it went out.
It's only just starting to go out now (mind you, I didn't use the thing for about 5 years in between while I was traveling) and I have no idea where the dang replacement bulb is. Now how useful is that really?
I mean, I suppose I could do better with an organizational schema for all the things I have, but I think the point is, it's not just the physical space it takes up, but the mental space required to keep track of such things. Eventually, one accumulates a lot of crap that one really doesn't need. It's taxing on the brain to remember one has all those things and where all of it is.
Eh. I think I just need to organize my room and my thoughts (for the upcoming papers that are due).
I guess to look at the issue from a different angle is the idea that more is always better. I mean yes, there is a certain amount of money that can be saved in buying in bulk, but what it is and whether or not it's really worth it really needs to be examined.
For someone whose apartment is the size of a pea (like me), I can't afford to have a lot of things that take up a lot of space. Non-perishables, like soap, toilet paper, facial tissue, and the like are some of the things that I buy in bulk, but I wonder, with all the clutter in my room, what am I sacrificing?
I have to find a place to store it and remember that I have it at that place. I think with the stuff that you use on a daily basis, it's fine, but with things that aren't used very frequently that I think I run across issues. Light bulbs for example. Lately, they last forever. Do I really need 5 of them because it's cheaper per bulb? Does that mean I'll be lugging it around with me everywhere I move because I saved $0.15 per bulb?
If the thing is something that I really don't use, the fact that the thing takes up space and then I have to remember where I put the dang thing becomes a problem. I bought a desk lamp when I went to college. That's more than 12 years ago. IKEA was selling the replacement bulbs so I bought one in case it went out.
It's only just starting to go out now (mind you, I didn't use the thing for about 5 years in between while I was traveling) and I have no idea where the dang replacement bulb is. Now how useful is that really?
I mean, I suppose I could do better with an organizational schema for all the things I have, but I think the point is, it's not just the physical space it takes up, but the mental space required to keep track of such things. Eventually, one accumulates a lot of crap that one really doesn't need. It's taxing on the brain to remember one has all those things and where all of it is.
Eh. I think I just need to organize my room and my thoughts (for the upcoming papers that are due).
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Dreams
I found an old, old dream diary I kept incredibly sporadically from 2005-2013 (not bad, actually). I just added 2 new entries, so I guess now, it's 10 years old.
I had some interesting dreams. One of the shorter ones goes like this:
"11/9/09
I think I had two dreams (well multiple dreams) but I only remember that one was quite mundane and the other was about pteradactyls."
I clearly don't know how to spell pterodactyl (had to google that).
Others are more detailed (and one is frustratingly unfinished). I think I'm going to pick this up again.
I had some interesting dreams. One of the shorter ones goes like this:
"11/9/09
I think I had two dreams (well multiple dreams) but I only remember that one was quite mundane and the other was about pteradactyls."
I clearly don't know how to spell pterodactyl (had to google that).
Others are more detailed (and one is frustratingly unfinished). I think I'm going to pick this up again.
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Too much caffeine always makes me thoughtful
Have you ever thought of all your blessings? Even the simplest ones, like being able to breathe?
I think I've been able to appreciate some of the things that others may take for granted because I've had (in a very minor, non-life-threatening way) some of those simple things taken away from me.
I have very slight astigmatism to the point where every eye doctor I've been to has told me that I don't need to have it corrected. There are days when the astigmatism is worse and there are days when suddenly, each and every individual leaf on a tree is visible. In being able to see the world in such a crystal clear way makes me so thankful for vision. We are an incredibly visual culture so I find that being able to participate in it is really a blessing.
I have allergies. This affects how I breathe. Being able to take a normal breath of air reminds me that the simple act of breathing is also something that is so important and something that is to be appreciated.
I love food. Taste buds to distinguish the deliciousness of food makes life better.
It's the little things in life that enhance the big things. And in finding pleasure and thankfulness in these little things, one is able to transfer such joy and appreciation to the bigger things and suddenly life becomes more manageable.
I think I've been able to appreciate some of the things that others may take for granted because I've had (in a very minor, non-life-threatening way) some of those simple things taken away from me.
I have very slight astigmatism to the point where every eye doctor I've been to has told me that I don't need to have it corrected. There are days when the astigmatism is worse and there are days when suddenly, each and every individual leaf on a tree is visible. In being able to see the world in such a crystal clear way makes me so thankful for vision. We are an incredibly visual culture so I find that being able to participate in it is really a blessing.
I have allergies. This affects how I breathe. Being able to take a normal breath of air reminds me that the simple act of breathing is also something that is so important and something that is to be appreciated.
I love food. Taste buds to distinguish the deliciousness of food makes life better.
It's the little things in life that enhance the big things. And in finding pleasure and thankfulness in these little things, one is able to transfer such joy and appreciation to the bigger things and suddenly life becomes more manageable.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Taking compliments
What is it about compliments that make them so hard to accept? And sometimes hard to give?
The dynamics of the relationship with the other person, the desire not to seem false, the embarrassment of saying something that may make the other person uncomfortable...
All these reasons that stop people from doing what will ultimate make the other person aware that they are a great person just seem so silly.
I mean there are counterarguments to this (surprisingly so) because apparently if you make a person aware of certain qualities that you perceive them to have, they may either externally or internally actually start to argue either with you ("No, I'm not really like that...") or with themselves ("How can they think that I'm like that...? I don't have those qualities") and in some ways that self-argumentation will lead the person who is complimented to think less of themselves. I suppose my point here is that sometimes, you could be highlighting something to the person that may be sensitive to them for various reasons (and I feel like I read something about it but I went into the rabbit hole of the interwebs and couldn't find anything so perhaps I'm misguided here).
I suppose a somewhat odd example is that people tell me I have a nice butt. I know I do but honestly, there are a lot of sociological/gender politics at play with that because it's my body and I may like it, but why do other people have to tell me (i.e. point out to me) that it's nice? Why are people looking to begin with? Especially with the butt being a sexualized object of a woman's body, what kinds of implications are there in someone pointing that out to me?
Compliments can backfire on people in that sense because some people don't want to be identified with what seems to be their strong suit (and here, I'm talking less about physical qualities) and I wonder if there's something wrong with that.
Perhaps what I'm getting at is this sense of acceptance of the qualities that people have of themselves. If I'm smart, if I'm boring, if I'm whatever, isn't that simply who I am? If I am the person I am and I accept the qualities I have, what people say, whether they be compliments or insults, shouldn't be hard to accept. That's why I've come to realize when people say "You have a nice butt," I don't think too much of what it says about me (aside from whatever gender politics there are behind it), but I acknowledge that it is a quality that I have and I know I have and I am thankful that the person has noticed it too.
"Thank you."
Now, I think this kind of gets into this idea of self-perception. The reality of the self is this: one has good qualities and bad qualities. Those qualities also run the spectrum of being the epitome of that quality and perhaps being the average of such quality. What I mean is that when you say someone is caring, they can be the pure embodiment of everything that you think a caring person should be, or they can simply be someone who occasionally displays caring-ness. The unfortunate truth with this is that if you've used other people's judgments to define yourself and you meet someone who is more caring than you, there is a minor identity crisis and then there is animosity towards person who caused this crisis. However, one cannot expect to the be epitome of every quality they have. In the end, we are who we are. Other people may have some influence to shape the self, but if one should be active in choosing how one is shaped (or another way of looking at it, is one should choose how one perceives oneself) so that one can strive to bring out the best in oneself.
There often seems to be a disparity between the ideal self and reality, which is why women sometimes buy clothes that are too small for them. Their ideal self is not the person they see in the mirror. People say it all the time too as an excuse for not being their ideal. "If only I..., then I would be...." Perhaps in accepting the reality of who we are (the habits we have, the personality quirks that exist within us, etc.), can we start to also accept or reject other people's assessment of us (which come in the form of a compliment/insult).
The dynamics of the relationship with the other person, the desire not to seem false, the embarrassment of saying something that may make the other person uncomfortable...
All these reasons that stop people from doing what will ultimate make the other person aware that they are a great person just seem so silly.
I mean there are counterarguments to this (surprisingly so) because apparently if you make a person aware of certain qualities that you perceive them to have, they may either externally or internally actually start to argue either with you ("No, I'm not really like that...") or with themselves ("How can they think that I'm like that...? I don't have those qualities") and in some ways that self-argumentation will lead the person who is complimented to think less of themselves. I suppose my point here is that sometimes, you could be highlighting something to the person that may be sensitive to them for various reasons (and I feel like I read something about it but I went into the rabbit hole of the interwebs and couldn't find anything so perhaps I'm misguided here).
I suppose a somewhat odd example is that people tell me I have a nice butt. I know I do but honestly, there are a lot of sociological/gender politics at play with that because it's my body and I may like it, but why do other people have to tell me (i.e. point out to me) that it's nice? Why are people looking to begin with? Especially with the butt being a sexualized object of a woman's body, what kinds of implications are there in someone pointing that out to me?
Compliments can backfire on people in that sense because some people don't want to be identified with what seems to be their strong suit (and here, I'm talking less about physical qualities) and I wonder if there's something wrong with that.
Perhaps what I'm getting at is this sense of acceptance of the qualities that people have of themselves. If I'm smart, if I'm boring, if I'm whatever, isn't that simply who I am? If I am the person I am and I accept the qualities I have, what people say, whether they be compliments or insults, shouldn't be hard to accept. That's why I've come to realize when people say "You have a nice butt," I don't think too much of what it says about me (aside from whatever gender politics there are behind it), but I acknowledge that it is a quality that I have and I know I have and I am thankful that the person has noticed it too.
"Thank you."
Now, I think this kind of gets into this idea of self-perception. The reality of the self is this: one has good qualities and bad qualities. Those qualities also run the spectrum of being the epitome of that quality and perhaps being the average of such quality. What I mean is that when you say someone is caring, they can be the pure embodiment of everything that you think a caring person should be, or they can simply be someone who occasionally displays caring-ness. The unfortunate truth with this is that if you've used other people's judgments to define yourself and you meet someone who is more caring than you, there is a minor identity crisis and then there is animosity towards person who caused this crisis. However, one cannot expect to the be epitome of every quality they have. In the end, we are who we are. Other people may have some influence to shape the self, but if one should be active in choosing how one is shaped (or another way of looking at it, is one should choose how one perceives oneself) so that one can strive to bring out the best in oneself.
There often seems to be a disparity between the ideal self and reality, which is why women sometimes buy clothes that are too small for them. Their ideal self is not the person they see in the mirror. People say it all the time too as an excuse for not being their ideal. "If only I..., then I would be...." Perhaps in accepting the reality of who we are (the habits we have, the personality quirks that exist within us, etc.), can we start to also accept or reject other people's assessment of us (which come in the form of a compliment/insult).
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Frivolous spending and space
I have been on a campaign since I've been in grad school. My campaign is simply to throw away all the unnecessary crap I've accumulated in my life and actually use the things that I bought because I thought they'd be useful.
Like this:
Looks like a pretty cool purchase, right? (In case you don't know what it is, it's used to help drain water when you're washing rice.) If I don't use it, it's useless and a waste of space. So that's been my test. If I don't use it or forget I have it, I don't need it and I donate it. It's actually somewhat of a process but I am also on a budget so that helps frame my mindset when thinking about whether or not to throw something out (because I'd rather not have to purchase something I already have). And after watching a documentary on plastic waste, I've been trying to minimize frivolous throwing out too (which is why many things either go to recycling or donation piles).
So I guess all of this throwing out and recycling kind of got me thinking, of all the things we buy, how much of it is something we need? For example, I realized that I may not have everything that I want in terms of having a full wardrobe (I'm talking basics - I'm still missing some stuff, imo) but I have a ton of clothes. I don't wear half of them. So I'm getting rid of things that I don't really wear, things that don't really look good on me, things that have a high probably of wardrobe malfunctions, things that are high maintenance, etc. And because I'm in throw-everything-out-I-don't-need-anything mode, I've also come to realize that one can really make do with what one has.
For example, my blender:
It's ancient! The one pictured above is a 5-speed because I couldn't find my 3-speed one. I'm guessing it's too old for even the Internet to have pictures of. Hahahaha
But it works, I love that's it's old, and I don't need anything else. It's also super easy to clean (which is kind of a big deal for me). All those stupid fancy shmancy mixer machine crap takes like 50 years to clean and I'd rather be reading or playing Tetris than dealing with the maintenance of those things.
I mean, in the end, humans really don't need all that much to survive. Yes, there are things that make life easier (like washing machines), and there are things that make life more complicated in incredibly unnecessary ways (like espresso machines that require daily, weekly, and monthly cleaning/maintenance). I suppose I'm going through this phase where I'm trying to simplify a lot of things and I've come to realize that things are one of the ways I unnecessarily complicate my life. Ugh. I seriously have so much crap.
So that brings me to my other point. I think because my pea-sized apartment is overflowing with things I need to sort, it also has made me face again the sheer amount of waste I've collected. Some of it may be important, but a lot of it probably isn't. So much space is wasted on things that a person doesn't use. More money is spent on the storage of these these things... For what purpose? If there is none, doesn't it makes sense to get rid of it all?
Sifting through all my stuff is a pain, but it helps remind me that I really don't need all that much to be happy (a space to call my own, Internet, my books, and a kitchen). And I'm really hoping that the spending habits that I'm slowly acquiring carry over when I actually start making money because shopping for things and having too many things is a pain in the butt. Simplicity is good, imo.
Like this:
Looks like a pretty cool purchase, right? (In case you don't know what it is, it's used to help drain water when you're washing rice.) If I don't use it, it's useless and a waste of space. So that's been my test. If I don't use it or forget I have it, I don't need it and I donate it. It's actually somewhat of a process but I am also on a budget so that helps frame my mindset when thinking about whether or not to throw something out (because I'd rather not have to purchase something I already have). And after watching a documentary on plastic waste, I've been trying to minimize frivolous throwing out too (which is why many things either go to recycling or donation piles).
So I guess all of this throwing out and recycling kind of got me thinking, of all the things we buy, how much of it is something we need? For example, I realized that I may not have everything that I want in terms of having a full wardrobe (I'm talking basics - I'm still missing some stuff, imo) but I have a ton of clothes. I don't wear half of them. So I'm getting rid of things that I don't really wear, things that don't really look good on me, things that have a high probably of wardrobe malfunctions, things that are high maintenance, etc. And because I'm in throw-everything-out-I-don't-need-anything mode, I've also come to realize that one can really make do with what one has.
For example, my blender:
It's ancient! The one pictured above is a 5-speed because I couldn't find my 3-speed one. I'm guessing it's too old for even the Internet to have pictures of. Hahahaha
But it works, I love that's it's old, and I don't need anything else. It's also super easy to clean (which is kind of a big deal for me). All those stupid fancy shmancy mixer machine crap takes like 50 years to clean and I'd rather be reading or playing Tetris than dealing with the maintenance of those things.
I mean, in the end, humans really don't need all that much to survive. Yes, there are things that make life easier (like washing machines), and there are things that make life more complicated in incredibly unnecessary ways (like espresso machines that require daily, weekly, and monthly cleaning/maintenance). I suppose I'm going through this phase where I'm trying to simplify a lot of things and I've come to realize that things are one of the ways I unnecessarily complicate my life. Ugh. I seriously have so much crap.
So that brings me to my other point. I think because my pea-sized apartment is overflowing with things I need to sort, it also has made me face again the sheer amount of waste I've collected. Some of it may be important, but a lot of it probably isn't. So much space is wasted on things that a person doesn't use. More money is spent on the storage of these these things... For what purpose? If there is none, doesn't it makes sense to get rid of it all?
Sifting through all my stuff is a pain, but it helps remind me that I really don't need all that much to be happy (a space to call my own, Internet, my books, and a kitchen). And I'm really hoping that the spending habits that I'm slowly acquiring carry over when I actually start making money because shopping for things and having too many things is a pain in the butt. Simplicity is good, imo.
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