Material things that make me happy

Happiness is so often found in the small things and people forget how to be happy because the bigger things in life don't work out. I mean yeah, we all have our issues, and there will always be some kind of problem in our lives that we have to work through (arguably).

Yes, bad things happen.

However, there are always things to count as one's blessings or another way to look at it is that there are always things one can take pleasure in.

I got a lot of One Piece paraphernalia when I lived in Asia. I was able to go to this exhibit that they had for the anime (totally epic and awesome on so many levels) and I got a mug from it. The design is below:

I have rice bowls and soup bowls that are also One Piece. I forgot to enjoy them as pieces I get to use that are of my favorite anime and today, I remembered that.

It made me smile.

How I feel about trying to figure out what to wear

From questionablecontent (http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2791)

Anger

I think I have a lot of hidden rage or anger. Perhaps it could be called a deep sense of injustice. I'm not sure but I think that it stems from a sense of powerlessness too. People do what they can given their situations but when one knows that one has little power and the injustice is larger than themselves, what is it that one can do?

I think a lot of people turn to crime when it becomes too much to handle. However, perhaps my anger lies below the surface because I sense the fruitlessness of leading a life of crime. Crime seems to be a foolish outlet to me.

I guess I fight my own battles in my own quiet way. I found that the idea of killing someone with kindness does work and perhaps I've rerouted my anger here. Doing good in the place of evil allows one to also build up one's character.

But I suppose that doesn't change the fact that the rage or anger or whatever is still there. Perhaps I've never noticed it until recently because there have been changes in the way that the powerless are viewed and treated. Perhaps this outlet allows people like me to realize the anger that was always there but was never expressed because there was no way to articulate it.

I don't know.

One of the thoughts is this (though this will take this thought train into a different direction):
Irritation, unresolved, leads to frustration. It leads to anger, which unchecked, leads to rage.

This whole idea of power, of empowerment, and of powerlessness, especially in light of societal influences is fascinating. I don't think that it's always a power dynamic, yet when relationships become defined as such, one cannot escape seeing all things through that lens.

To simply exist and be accepted is something that all who are marginalized fight for.

Even in acceptance though, can we ever escape the scrutiny of others? We are always watching, judging, assessing, criticizing, and critiquing. Perhaps that's what bothers me. I like to be unobserved in what I do and I don't like that people have access to me because that access leads to observation and all that comes with that.

Perhaps this goes allll the way back to the post I wrote years ago about being self-conscious...

Create, creativity, creator

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/article/250614?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social_media&utm_campaign=general_marketing

Dang.

It's long, it's raw, and I think it speaks some truth to those struggling with what it means to be an artist.

It's fascinating.

I can see the yearning - to create and to express oneself. I'd forgotten about that side of me too.

Here are some nuggets I enjoyed:

"Darkness is acceptable and even attractive so long as there is a threshold that is not crossed."

It's so true! To see it and think we understand darkness, or to commiserate ("Yeah, that must suck") is one thing. To go through such darkness, to the depth of the one who is truly suffering, is yet another.

"That your pathetic little thing is not interesting to anyone but yourself."

"I think everyone wants to make something touchable, but most of us don’t out of fear of being laughable. I’m not saying I’m fearless."

Sometimes, I relate, and sometimes, I feel like I'm on the other side, deriding myself for being so dramatic. Ugh. It's that despair that I feel when I think that my "art" or whatever you want to call it is worthless to everyone but me.

To be an artist, I feel like you have to be willing to be just different enough to be accepted as cool, but not different enough for people to find you inaccessible (though this is debatable).

We are a generation of the self. I am not happy. I want this. I want that. I feel like we're the generation that feels the need to express ourselves and that expression comes out in art, music, poetry, writing, etc. Everyone wants to write and everyone seems to have a story to tell. What does it all matter then?

Oddly though, I feel like we're also one of the most peaceful and generous generations. But then again, all my ideas of what "our generation" is filtered by media and social media alike.

I still like to believe in the capability for humanity to be good.

Why cooking is hard

The stupid vegetables and the like take forever to cut.

Prep takes forever.

My solution: simplify.

If the recipe calls for like 20 vegetables, I use like 2 that take the least amount of time to wash and cut. I've gotten somewhat faster so I've upped the number, but honestly, recipes are guidelines, not rules. I take what liberties I'm comfortable with and usually my stuff comes out all right.

I must say though, I suck at using strong herbs. Oregano and rosemary are not my friends. I'm working on them. They'll come around.

I suppose simplification is the current the theme of my life. I've been filling it with a lot of unnecessary crap. Get rid of what you don't need* and keep it simple.

*I want to note that I don't just trash everything and add to the already exponentially growing waste that humans produce. I try to recycle or re-purpose the stuff I have. Let us not create such a large carbon footprint, yeah?

Linear living, linear thinking

Perhaps thoughts and living follow a linear trajectory though that line, as others see it, is not always in the direction that one should or is expected to go and then does not feel like a straight path.

I get lost in my thoughts and often times, I feel like they bounce between different threads of thought. However, when I go back to what felt like "messy" writing, there's more logical order to it and I find that it makes sense.

Perhaps it does because it's me and I understand my own thinking.

Or maybe, just maybe, my thoughts are more logical and linear than I thought it was.

Even living has a progression that could be argued is linear. We wake up, do stuff, and go to sleep. I suppose depending on how you define linear (or perhaps what I mean to get at is logical) will determine whether or not something is linear or not.

Linearity perhaps has more to do with the logic of the time rather than any true sense of a straight trajectory.

See? This one feels messy, but I think that it makes sense in its own way. If it has its own logic that can be followed, doesn't that mean that this too is linear thinking?*

*Though I do want to make the distinction between linear and one-dimensional thinking. By linear, I simply mean that thoughts follow a logical order that seems to follow a definitive and understandable path. One-dimensional thinking seems to have the sense of flatness and a lack of depth.

Intention

I'm still marinating on this one, and I think there are fallacies to this but living a life with intention (I think the other word I heard tossed around was mindfulness) makes a difference.

This applies to relationships, careers, and lifestyle in general. All those stupid stories about how people turned their lives around has a lot to do with perspective. They started paying more attention to what they ate or lived or whatever. They made intentional changes that (usually) worked out in their favor.

Everything we do takes us somewhere, whether we mean to or not. The actions we take have repercussions and it's taking into account the fact that what we do is a reflection of who we are and what we'll become that gives weight to this little thing called intention.

I mean I think that placing too much stress on it is probably problematic because people stress and then are paralyzed into not doing anything at all, but I think in realizing that things are always moving in a direction, if one chooses to allow oneself to absorb experiences or learn new things, one becomes a better person or at least a wiser one for what one has gained.

When I went to Korea, I had no intention of getting better at reading and writing Korean. However, when I worked for a company where email communications were in Korean, I had to get better and because I made the intentional effort to get better, I did. I could've just written terrible emails the whole time I was there if I didn't care but that intention to made me improve that much faster.

I think that what I'm getting at is that it's the minor changes and the small things we do that add up. I suppose in some ways, it becomes about one's frame of mind too. Can you turn a situation into one where you are thankful for what you have, rather than getting annoyed about what you missed? Instead of playing one more game for the One Piece app, I could be sleeping just that much earlier.

In some ways, it is perhaps the small things that end up defining who we are, rather than the big.

Perhaps this is going back to the importance of time.