"I like how my only audience is the future me. Pretty cool (and I know you're thinking the same thing, future me.)"
This is so true. I feel like I don't know myself at all sometimes and then at other times, I know myself so well. I don't know why but I feel like other people are more "self-aware" than I am. Sometimes, I don't realize I'm stressed out until I get moody. And that's usually when I start snapping at people. (Then I realize, oh. I must be stressed out.) Is that weird?
I think that's why when they say that God knows best or whatever, I wholeheartedly can agree because I don't know what's best for me. I mean if you think about it, no one knows what's best for them because the whole idea of "what's best for someone" has to do with knowing the future, does it not? I mean aside from the obvious (eating healthy is best for you), it's like doing something is "best for so-and-so" because it'll help them with their career (or like "is for the best" would be the other phrase) is what a lot of people say but really, what if they decide to not pursue that career? Or what if they die the next day? If that's the case, then wouldn't it have been better to choose something where they could've really relished life/spent time with their loved ones? I mean granted, for the most part, there's a reason that people can say these things, because not many people go through major career changes, but how can you really say that?
I say it too without giving it much thought but I suppose its an interesting point to ponder.
I like to think that people who think they know what's best for others based on their vast knowledge of the future shouldn't be so hasty to impose their thoughts on others. I mean the whole idea of "what's best for someone" or what's "for the best" really is just a societal construct. I don't like societal constructs. I'd rather screw myself over in the future so that I can live the life I want to live.
The only thing is, knowing the trends of society, will I truly not regret taking the path that everyone took? Once I come to terms with that, I'm really going to travel the world.
If I don't, then I will forever be chained to one area, forever wondering whether or not I made the right decision. Gross. I don't want to do that.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Updates I guess?
So its been like months since I blogged (honestly haven't had the time - this time it wasn't laziness or a lack of anything to say...)
Not sure exactly but haven't been able to sleep (too restless for my own good... I need to sleep X.x)
I think I need to exercise to burn off this extra energy. Meh.
Work's been busy and I've been trying to cook healthy meals (chicken, vegetables, etc.) as well as sleep more (this has not been happening the last two weeks) and all this other like "healthy" stuff. I mean it's been working for the most part but I want to start really focusing on working out. It's not working as yet. Bleh. Hopefully next week will be a better week.
Went to Jeju Island with a visiting friend (that was nice) made some new friends and am getting out more (yay go me). I like Korea's jazz scene. Hope I can make it out to see that one famous bassist on Sat. We'll see.
There's a costume party this Sat and the theme is "stereotypes" so I'm going to go as a stereotypical goth (but I'm going to try to look like a hot stereotypical goth, not one those creepy fat looking ones). HEHE very excited. Sad that I don't have my leather jacket but I should be able to make do. ^_^ People are gonna stare at me in the subway and that's gonna be the whole point. Maybe I should hiss at them. :P (Yeah right I don't have the balls to do it)
Ok I'm rambling now. It's time for bed. G'night all.
Not sure exactly but haven't been able to sleep (too restless for my own good... I need to sleep X.x)
I think I need to exercise to burn off this extra energy. Meh.
Work's been busy and I've been trying to cook healthy meals (chicken, vegetables, etc.) as well as sleep more (this has not been happening the last two weeks) and all this other like "healthy" stuff. I mean it's been working for the most part but I want to start really focusing on working out. It's not working as yet. Bleh. Hopefully next week will be a better week.
Went to Jeju Island with a visiting friend (that was nice) made some new friends and am getting out more (yay go me). I like Korea's jazz scene. Hope I can make it out to see that one famous bassist on Sat. We'll see.
There's a costume party this Sat and the theme is "stereotypes" so I'm going to go as a stereotypical goth (but I'm going to try to look like a hot stereotypical goth, not one those creepy fat looking ones). HEHE very excited. Sad that I don't have my leather jacket but I should be able to make do. ^_^ People are gonna stare at me in the subway and that's gonna be the whole point. Maybe I should hiss at them. :P (Yeah right I don't have the balls to do it)
Ok I'm rambling now. It's time for bed. G'night all.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Some girls have shoe fetishes
I think I have a book fetish. I didn't think it was too bad but I realized that the last like 3-4 times that I went (or even just a place that sells books - like Costco), I've walked out with at least 2-3 books. -_- And what's worse, is I haven't yet to read a majority of them. I don't know what it is. I'm interested so I pick it up but then I don't get around to it and buy more books. I don't have any space really for those books anymore and I've still to finish a good 6 volumes (I'm in the middle of all of them 'cept I don't think I'll ever get around to some of them - like I'm 1/3 of the way through the sound and the fury. I just don't think it's going to happen).
Hm. I must say though, there is a certain amount of allure to these books and for some reason, they seem more valuable here since there's a smaller range of books I can buy and they're usually ridiculously overpriced...
Meh. I guess I'll just stop buying books until I finish the ones that I have (except I have to buy Steig Larsson's newest book. Apparently it's coming into Korea next week. :D :D :D) he he he
So it goes, so it goes.
Hm. I must say though, there is a certain amount of allure to these books and for some reason, they seem more valuable here since there's a smaller range of books I can buy and they're usually ridiculously overpriced...
Meh. I guess I'll just stop buying books until I finish the ones that I have (except I have to buy Steig Larsson's newest book. Apparently it's coming into Korea next week. :D :D :D) he he he
So it goes, so it goes.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Fashion
So I decided to take the plunge.
I only feel myself getting older and I hate that phrase "youth is wasted on the young". I may be young but I'm not going to waste it (and honestly, comparatively, I could be considered "old"). Meh.
At any rate, I decided to explore, not care if I look like crap and overall try to take care of my appearance somewhat and find my "image". I honestly used to be somewhat wary of doing this because I felt like I would become superficial. The "Omg, where did you get that like lipstick? It's so like y'know, cute! I was like looking for that exact shade. And omigosh, I went to the mall yesterday...." (and so on) but perhaps I just need to make sure to keep true to myself and I think I'll be fine. I don't want to brand myself with one particular style simply because I feel like a multitude of styles should define someone but I still want to match or at least be aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Hm.
I figured Korea was the best place to experiment because there's such a wide range of fashion here and even if I don't match, I'll just be one of the many people here that clash like crazy. *shrug* so it goes.
I only feel myself getting older and I hate that phrase "youth is wasted on the young". I may be young but I'm not going to waste it (and honestly, comparatively, I could be considered "old"). Meh.
At any rate, I decided to explore, not care if I look like crap and overall try to take care of my appearance somewhat and find my "image". I honestly used to be somewhat wary of doing this because I felt like I would become superficial. The "Omg, where did you get that like lipstick? It's so like y'know, cute! I was like looking for that exact shade. And omigosh, I went to the mall yesterday...." (and so on) but perhaps I just need to make sure to keep true to myself and I think I'll be fine. I don't want to brand myself with one particular style simply because I feel like a multitude of styles should define someone but I still want to match or at least be aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Hm.
I figured Korea was the best place to experiment because there's such a wide range of fashion here and even if I don't match, I'll just be one of the many people here that clash like crazy. *shrug* so it goes.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Self-conscious
So much more than I'd like to admit, I'd definitely very self-conscious of what image I have (or lack there of). I honestly don't even know what kind of image I want to portray to others, yet I still worry (moreso than I'd like to admit) about what others think of me. Weird, huh?
I think that for me, it's always a constant battle of trying not to care yet tailoring my actions to those around me. I wonder, is that something that society has taught us to do or am I being overly worried about what others think? It's irritating. I don't want to care about what others think of me unless they're people who matter. How do you stop caring?
Meh! So it goes so it goes.
I think that for me, it's always a constant battle of trying not to care yet tailoring my actions to those around me. I wonder, is that something that society has taught us to do or am I being overly worried about what others think? It's irritating. I don't want to care about what others think of me unless they're people who matter. How do you stop caring?
Meh! So it goes so it goes.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Work
So work's been really busy for me but thankfully I have a co-worker now that I can share all my work with.
There's a lot going on and these next couple days are going to be really bad but I don't mind.
I'm getting bored with myself but the unfortunate aspect of this is that I don't really have time to do anything about it so it sucks.
I've been sleeping early (thankfully) but in the end, I just don't do anything and sleep more. I've been trying to wake up early to like clean and do random chores but alas, it is not that easy. :\
Hm. Otherwise, my life as been pretty boring. The cherry blossoms have bloomed but I haven't really had a chance to enjoy them because I've been busy (and too lazy to make a trip all the way out to stare and enjoy their beauty. BLEH~ They lost their charm once I found out that they only come out for a couple weeks a year. It's annoying. Stupid Japanese anime overplayed it. hmph)
There's a lot going on and these next couple days are going to be really bad but I don't mind.
I'm getting bored with myself but the unfortunate aspect of this is that I don't really have time to do anything about it so it sucks.
I've been sleeping early (thankfully) but in the end, I just don't do anything and sleep more. I've been trying to wake up early to like clean and do random chores but alas, it is not that easy. :\
Hm. Otherwise, my life as been pretty boring. The cherry blossoms have bloomed but I haven't really had a chance to enjoy them because I've been busy (and too lazy to make a trip all the way out to stare and enjoy their beauty. BLEH~ They lost their charm once I found out that they only come out for a couple weeks a year. It's annoying. Stupid Japanese anime overplayed it. hmph)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Always restless
I wonder what it is... :\
meh~
picked up painting... acrylics are fun to work with! I wish I had the space to set up an easel and all that nerdy stuff... but alas, I must live w/ the 'rents until my bills are paid... BLEH. I seriously considered moving out for the last month until I looked at how much of my school loans and stuff I had left. I didn't do anything in Korea! I just spent all my money on like... random crap. Like a cheese grater. I don't even have a cheese grater in the States! (actually, I bought two so that makes it worse) But then again, they weren't that expensive... but I also bought a lot of other useless junk. *sigh*~
Oh well. At least now that I'm getting paid more, I can actually REALLY start paying off all my loans.
I realized as of late how backwards I am. I've been living with my parents to cut down on living expenses, but I end up eating out or making my own food. I suppose the only upside is that I don't pay rent. If rent was like $200-300 (I really don't think I'll be able to find a place that cheap though -_-;;) then I think I'd move out. *sigh*~ alas, that is just a dream though.
meh~
picked up painting... acrylics are fun to work with! I wish I had the space to set up an easel and all that nerdy stuff... but alas, I must live w/ the 'rents until my bills are paid... BLEH. I seriously considered moving out for the last month until I looked at how much of my school loans and stuff I had left. I didn't do anything in Korea! I just spent all my money on like... random crap. Like a cheese grater. I don't even have a cheese grater in the States! (actually, I bought two so that makes it worse) But then again, they weren't that expensive... but I also bought a lot of other useless junk. *sigh*~
Oh well. At least now that I'm getting paid more, I can actually REALLY start paying off all my loans.
I realized as of late how backwards I am. I've been living with my parents to cut down on living expenses, but I end up eating out or making my own food. I suppose the only upside is that I don't pay rent. If rent was like $200-300 (I really don't think I'll be able to find a place that cheap though -_-;;) then I think I'd move out. *sigh*~ alas, that is just a dream though.
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