Always realizing

Oh, life's little (big?) realizations.

I wonder if it's an age thing. It seems like it is - I forget which book I was reading but it mentioned that. The whole "younger kids are less sure about themselves" kinda thing. I wonder if that's why those Korean 아줌마s (middle-aged women) are so rude/bold and... scary. They're perfectly fine with being who they are in front of whoever and they won't take anything from anyone, even if that means they make everyone around them uncomfortable. Eh. I never want to be one of those people though. Confidence is one thing, being rude is another. Rudeness in my mind is almost unforgivable. (I say almost because one should always strive to be forgiving, right?)

Life Motto?

"Do what you can, take it as far as it goes, and if it doesn't work out, then leave it at that."

I don't know, this has kind of been what I've been trying to embody lately. With recent events it seems that this is the best kind of approach to take. I mean in the end, there's no point in worrying, right? ("Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere")

So what's the next thing you can do? Do all that you can, and if it doesn't work out, well at least you've done all you could, right? I think the important thing is to aim high. The higher you aim, the closer you'll get to whatever success you had in mind, right?

Then what it comes down to is time. I feel like I never have enough time to do anything. Though I realized if I cut out anime, there's a lot more I could do. I wonder if anime outweighs all my other hobbies that much more. Eh.

Again, do what you can, take it as far as it goes, and see what happens.

I suppose that's another way to look at it too.

Voice Acting

Starting to get serious about it.

Day 1: My voice range isn't as narrow as I thought it would be. I need to learn consistency and work on the strength of my voice (it's pretty weak at this point. -_-;;).

Hello, Insomnia

My new best friend.

Remembering

"一度あったことは忘れないものさ思い出せないだけで" (Nothing that happens is ever forgotten, even if you can't remember it) - Spirited Away

I suppose in some ways, this quote can be perceived to mean that all the things that you regret doing will never go away, but I initially saw it as all those good, happy moments that you've shared with someone will always remain, even if you've forgotten them.

I suppose it's way past due, but this is what I think of when I think of you, Yoon. I don't know why it resonated so strongly with me when I saw Spirited Away this time around but that's what I thought of and it made me happy. All those memories we had of which the details I won't ever be able to fully recall, all the random tidbits of conversation, the snapshots of scenes I remember of us spending our time together... the short films of memory... the more I try to remember, the less I seem to recall.

I mean I don't see the quote as any kind of truth, but in a way it's comforting, right? I miss you~

Peace

It's odd because for all the chaos that's in this picture, I feel oddly calmed by this picture. I think it has something to do with the harmony of the colors and the juxtaposition with the chaos and the blank nothingness below. And probably with the cute little animal's facial expression.

I mean if I really wanted to psychoanalyze myself or give it some kind of connection, it probably has to do with all the stuff that's going on in my life. Yet like the animal, even with all that, the animal still looks content. Also, the animal isn't surrounded by chaos but is creating it - I suppose kind of like having a lot of creative energy? I've been feeling that way lately (been wanting to create art, regardless of how bad it is... ^^;;) so I suppose in that way I also can relate. I mean chaos is not necessarily and bad thing and just like how there is a certain artistic balance in the chaotic dream (creative?) bubble, so is there a balance in the chaos called my life.

But in the end, it's just me spouting nonsense.

I just like this picture. It brings me peace. :)

Tickled

I suppose if I had been in any other mood, I would've been thoroughly entertained. Because I was in a pretty bad mood, I was only a little tickled. I don't think that's quite the right word, but I can't think of a better way of expressing it. I suppose mildly entertained would also suffice but I think "tickled" fits the feeling that I have right now. It's like a giggle is brushing against the back of my throat, kind of like the way a nose tickles right before a sneeze.  Only to find to one's dismay, that the sneeze won't come out and one is left off worse than before because one now has this weird feeling in one's nose that should've been purged through a sneeze but was not. I suppose that's kind of how I feel right now 'cept I don't suppose I feel worse off.

At any rate, I bought some wine at the local grocery store and I guess because I had this rebellious I-hate-life-and-everything-in-it and I was only buying wine (like an alchy), I guess I looked suspicious. So, because I was dressed like every other teenager in Seoul (and not like my age group), the checkout person looked at me kind of funny and carded me. ("You look kind of young - I'm going to have to check your ID."). I literally stared at her for like 10 seconds because I didn't understand what she was asking for. Then I started to crack up and told her that I was thankful that she was carding me (because it means I look young). Even thinking about it now, it almost brings a smile to my face. I mean, to be completely honest, I was kind of flattered (especially because I think the drinking age is even younger here - like 20? 19?). At any rate, I suppose looking young has its perks.

I have to say, when you're feeling the shits, life (God?) really has a way of picking you up.

A lot of the times, when a day is going bad, they say it usually gets worse, but I guess it really depends on what you pay attention to and how you take it.

A good meal, some good wine to finish it off, a decent conversation with one of the 'rents and all of a sudden, the world seems like a better place.

Maybe I was just hungry and irritable.