I don't like people. Really.

There are too many people in my life right now and I totally can't deal.

Not sure which "let-me-explain-you-to-you" blogs, personality tests, etc. I was reading, but I can only manage a handful of people in my life. There are too many right now. Far too many.

Blah.

Not to say that I dislike people, I just prefer quality over quantity. Why are there so many people in my life?! Gah.

Privilege

Not in the sense that people think about when you hear the words "white privilege" or whatever. I mean this in the more pure sense of the word - that one has the luck or is blessed with or has the opportunity to do something, see something, experience something for whatever reason/circumstance.

A friend has been going through some stuff and I realized that I have the privilege of being there for her. This is not to say that I've been able to do this with all of my friends, nor will this be the case in the future. However, at this juncture in this particular friend's life, I have had the privilege to be there for her, to help her process certain things (however helpful or unhelpful it is...), and to be emotionally available to do so. I feel lucky to be able to do it and it is oddly not a burden at all.

Unfortunately, this is not the case at all for all my friends - I don't know if it's a matter of dissonance with the way we process and think or if it's simply because there are too may factors to overcome for me to be there (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.) for them but I have not been able to do that for many of my friends. I guess this marks a change in my own maturity (hopefully!) as well as a change in my mentality for what it means to be a good friend.

I don't know where I'm going with this; all I know is that right now, I just feel lucky to be a part of this person's life and I realize that perhaps it is because I care about this person that I'm able to do such things and it feels like a blessing.

I wonder if this is a fraction of what parents feel for their children. Does this explain why they are so willing to go so far for them, when in reality, the returns cannot compare? Not that children are an investment, but there does seem to be a bit of that tit for tat thing with nearly all relationships and parents are so wonderfully giving that nothing really seems to compare with the ideal (or perhaps the over-idealized?) parenting style.

Anyway, I suppose my point is this: instead of looking at certain things as burdens (whether it's something we don't want to do, or something we have to do out of obligation), one can actually turn them around and realize that one is blessed to have the capacity to be able to handle such things or be able to take part in the different cycles of suffering and triumph that makes the reality called life.

Writing

"Writing is a fraught, personal, and scary thing" (I screwed up the quote here somewhere - from a senior colleague and fellow co-worker)

I agree.

Yet when it comes to certain types of writing, I get stuck while others, just flow. Bleh. I needta just write.

Why I do what I do

Sorry for the crappy quality.

The fashion and entertainment industry make a ton of money because a lot of it trickles down into every day life in some way, shape, or form.

I think that anything from the humanities has similar qualities. When people question the value of it, you really only have to look at Marx or Freud to realize that entire countries changed their way of running or justified how they ran things because of thinkers. These people influenced pretty much the world and for some reason, people think that the humanities are useless.

The effect may not be obvious, but it's still to the point where we rethink how we view entire systems of thought, or systems, or anything really.

Humanities are useless. Psh... People just don't know.

A better me

I think I like surrounding myself with people who make me a better person. There are different "categories" of people, though I don't actively put my close people in them (or at least I don't think I do) and I like people who make me want to become a better person. I think that it boils down to life choices and moral values and how it manifests into the person's personality and demeanor.

Some people are leeches, they take what they can from you with little to offer and honestly, I find these types of people exhausting. I don't try to cater to them but somehow it becomes a relationship like that and in the end, I just avoid them altogether.

There are also friendships where nothing is gained and nothing is lost. They're honestly really boring. They exist because of proximity and convenience and they lack depth. I find these to be uncomfortable. They bother me because they feel obligatory more than anything.

I realized I seek out good/deep conversations and I seek out people who are able to draw that out of me. Sometimes I can go into it if I'm in a thoughtful mood, but other times, it's the person I'm with that allows me to delve into the recesses of my brain while picking their brain. I'm not saying that it's all about me and I would hope that I am able to somehow affect the person in a positive way as well but I realize that my relationships are based on how I feel around them and how I feel about the person.

That isn't to say that I don't hang out with people who don't better me - there are all sorts of people out there. I just gravitate towards people who do because they get me to think and as a result, I feel like I am improved and hopefully I do the same for them as well.

Hm. This feels half-baked.

I just like people with depth and people who are able to create depth in a relationship.

The world of academia in Literature

"Daaaang" was the first thing out of my mouth after I read two articles about the most recent (I think?) edition of Ulysses by James Joyce. There are so many editions, so many different versions, with seemingly minor changes (that really change the way it's read), that it seems that one could argue for and against any of the editions.

However, in this case, the condemner has a pretty solid argument and rips the 19841986 edition apart. There are references to shoddy work, sloppiness, lack of scholarship, improper research, and all sorts of general and specific insults that point to the lack of quality and thus, the lack of intelligence in the people who undertook this project. And he's horrifically mean about it.

The people try at some kind of retort, but he responds with a story that's worse because there's wordplay that spits on how badly they bungled Ulysses. I can't say it's petty though I can see it going down that road, but geesh, no punches were pulled!

The world of literature academics is kind of scary! Oh, we'll see where this all goes...

The perks of going to a private graduate institution

Lots of free stuff: those cool highlighters that have liquid ink, a usb that was attached to our name tags, post-it notes! (those things are gold!!), the obligatory pens, free events (with meals!), crazy supportive staff and faculty, and the list continues...

If I was one of those power blogger people, I'd probably illustrate my point with pictures and all of that but it's really too troublesome. I just know that I'm benefiting from my education (though really those little free perks are built into the tuition....). But hey, I'll take it. :)