Slavery

Time is my master.  I can never grasp it. When I think I have a hold of it, it slips away. Time is not my prey but by trying to understand it, it further eludes my grasps.

Sometimes, I think perhaps I don't want to have an understanding of time. I want to be beyond the boundaries of time and do things in my time. But then when things slip by me, I realize that my time doesn't mean anything. I'm rooted in a current that I don't want to be in.

Thus, I am a slave to time.

Something I don't do

Read manga.

I'm now addicted to 3 series.

Hunter X Hunger
One Piece
Skip Beat!

I wish I had some kind of superhuman power I could use to save people.

Functionality

It's irritating when something that's supposed to work, doesn't.

What the heck is wrong with Kindle sometimes?! I mean seriously, there's this line in Othello:

"I will chop her into messes.—Cuckold me!" and the cool thing about Kindle is you can double click a word and the definition will come up. Why the heck won't it let me highlight cuckold?! (it highlights "messes.—Cuckold" instead and says that there's no definition found. OBVIOUSLY MESSES.-CUCKOLD IS NOT A WORD. THERE'S A FREAKING PERIOD AFTER MESSES. eesh). So irritating. I don't care if it's a bug. Now I have to go through the trouble of opening dictionary.com and looking up the freaking word.

Addiction

I might be overreacting but I think I can legitimately say that I'm unhealthily addicted to anime/TV shows and my computer. It's 3:20am and I almost finished season 4 of The Big Bang Theory. I tried to stop after two episodes and utterly failed. I don't like the series because it's too episodic but I keep watching it for some reason.

Normally this would be fine for someone who has a relatively free schedule and doesn't work regularly. However, I have a writing sample due pretty much today (I told my professor I'd send it to her) and I'm not done. T.T

So I decided to try and do something about it and looked up on google "how to defeat addiction" and the first thing that came up was how to get rid of a porn addiction. -_-;; I guess it's that bad for some people... Some of the other top search results included a facebook and myspace addiction. I didn't know that it was that bad either. What's weird is that those kinds of things palpably feel like a waste of time whereas with anime and TV shows, I can't tell that time is passing. Interestingly enough, it took the second page to get to the drug and alcohol addictions. You'd think it'd be the other way around.

I remember I was watching this show on the Discovery channel or something about this guy who was addicted to food and he made this point about saying how hard it was to get over his addiction. He made the analogy of someone telling drug addicts that they can only have small doses of the drug that they were addicted to three times a day. I mean that's hard, if not impossible for an addict to do and that's exactly what this guy would have to do because he would need to nourish his body in some way or another. This guy was so fat that people would have to come over and flip him over because he couldn't turn over in bed (and he was completely bedridden). I didn't understand what he was going through when I was watching the program but now I think I get it to a certain extent. I'm not completely dysfunctional if I'm not in front of a computer but it's pretty much all I do when I'm home (unless playing the DS counts as something else - I do do other things though! Like cook...). I have some other hobbies but a vast majority of my time is in front of the computer. This is the case with a lot of people but sometimes I have difficulty stopping. I realized all the more so when I'm stressed out (which I didn't know I got so stressed out but I think I stress a lot more frequently than I realize), which attributes to my insomnia.

At any rate, now it's time for me to stop. We'll see how it goes. ^^

All the websites I looked at were pretty useless and I always felt like addiction was just a matter of the mind (a test of willpower really) so I guess one of the best ways to go about is to just suck it up and do what it takes to stop. I think I need a better grasp on time (which I'm getting better at) and perhaps things will get better.

There was one decent website that had this list where you have to choose 3 things that your addiction really affects (God, family, work, personal hygiene, etc.) and it talked about working on improving those three things. I think that might actually help.

But my goodness The Big Bang Theory is so addictive. I wish it weren't so episodic...

Voice and thought

I realized (I think I've had this realization before) that I take on the voice and to a certain extent, personality of whatever book/anime/TV series I'm watching. As I was writing a book review (for this other secret blog I have) and I realized I was almost going to talk like Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. It was horrifying and entertaining at the same time.

I think I might have to be careful about what I watch because it has too big of an effect on me.... But I think it depends on how into it I am.

I also realized that I am oddly attracted to prideful men, i.e. House from House, Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, Kim GunWoo (the older fussier one) from Beethoven Virus... or perhaps it is their idiosyncrasies that make me interested in them... Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean would be another example of odd men that I'm attracted to. I hope this isn't the case in real life because I feel like it'd be irritating to deal with on a day to day basis...

[update]

I realize that my trains of thought are very often interrupted by other thoughts in my head. Like I'll be thinking along for example string of thought A and then all of a sudden, with no connection whatsoever to thought A, I'll start thinking about string of thought C. By string of thought, I don't mean just a single thought "Oh what fine weather we're having today" but "Oh the weather's nice but that one cloud may be an indication of rain in which case I don't want to wear those boots that may stain if it does rain and I get them wet. But if they're waterproof and  I do get them wet, it wouldn't matter." Then all of a sudden I think, "If all the puzzles in the world were a derivation of a single puzzle that someone invented a long, long time ago, would we ever be able to find that one source? I wonder if finding all the connecting links to puzzles would lead to that one puzzle."

More often than not, I'll completely and totally forget string of thought A, though this time around, I remembered it.

I also realized that I think thoughts without consciously knowing what they are. To give a hypothetical example, I'll think about the usefulness of soap because of the cleansing action of the bubbles and how because some people think that smearing soap on your hands without making it bubble will still be effective, they created foam soap. But then I'll think, is it really the bubbles that create the cleaning action on your hands? (btw, I don't know if this is true because I don't remember where I heard it so I could be wrong...) And all this time, I won't realize I'm thinking this until somehow, somewhere, I'll be talking to someone about it and remember this random thought I was having and I won't remember the context of it at all.

I wonder if a lot of people do that too. I realized people are much more similar than they realize (though there are obvious differences).

3 things I want

1. A dslr camera. I want to take good pictures without trying that hard.

2. A treadmill. That way I have less of an excuse not to exercise.

3. Knee high boots. They're cute.

Oh the horror

I read my old posts, chuckle at myself because I think I'm interesting to myself and then stop myself in horror for thinking that way. -_-;;