Ah~ been so busy working and *trying* to apply to grad school. I think I'm a shoo in for Korea University so that'll be my backup. Unfortunately, the school I want to go to the most (Seoul National University) also is due in less than a month and I have yet to get my recommendations from a professor. I need to sit down and just email like crazy. I think I'm going to do that tomorrow. Gahhhhhhh X.x
Gonna take my laptop and run away to some kind of cafe until I get it done. *sigh*~
Work has been crazy as hell but only because there's so much prep required for each class. I can't just wing it like I did with the other classes, nor do I have the luxury of time and space (ugh so many teachers in one room...). However, I definitely am getting better responses from my students! Ugh, I hate lesson planning but at least I feel like a better teacher... ^^
Omg, total work drama but one of my coworkers is so blatantly socially awkward and only semi-realizes it that it's just irritating to watch. Bleh~ I guess what irritates me is that I don't know how to deal with him. He goes to Stanford and in all honesty is a smart guy but at the same time has that insecurity that comes with those small town kids who used to be the smartest in their class and go to college only to realize that they are no longer the only 'smart' kid and is thus compelled to show off his knowledge whenever he can because of his insecurities. Sometimes his pretentiousness is just too much (because what makes it worse is he's got one of those piercing yet droning voices that take 20 words to explain something that could be explained in 2).
With people I'm usually irritated with, I simply ignore/avoid them. Simply by mere proximity, I'm forced to deal with him time and time again. BLEH I've found myself just being really brutally honest with him and (probably) hurting his feelings in the process. People tell me he needs it but man, I really don't want to be the one to do it. I guess I'm just complaining. At any rate, here's a situation that occurred today that somewhat shows his awkwardness and the way I unfortunately dealt with him because I didn't know how else to deal with him:
So I'm facebooking at work because I'm trying to make a quiz and am taking a small break. As I'm about to get started on work again, he (also on facebook) tells me,
"My friend went to Norway and took some fantastic pictures."
"Ok." Honestly, what am I supposed to say to that? O really how interesting? I mean honestly, I could care less about his friend who I don't even know.
"Want to see?" I guess he was expecting me to show interest? So with the quiz that I had to make and my complete lack of interest my answer was blatantly,
"No." And then a split second later to realize how rude of me it was to say that. I found myself floundering for some kind of lame excuse about how I needed to work (when I was just on facebook which he btw pointed out - another way he is socially awkward...). Being put on the spot like that (granted I did this to myself) made me not realize the most obvious reason. I should've said,
"I'm sorry but honestly, it's kind of weird to be looking at some random person's pictures of Norway. I was taking a small break but I need to get back to work right now." And yet, I could not think to say this then. Sadly to say, though I don't care for the guy, I still feel bad. I've always thought that one should be civil to everyone, even to strangers...
I guess what it comes down to is that I honestly don't want to have to talk to him, nor do I really want anything to do with him. At the same time, I feel like I should because I'm an 'older' teacher than the rest of them, I need to lead by example somewhat so that teachers don't follow suit and make him a 왕따 (social outcast which, btw he already basically is). And being the 'nice' person that I am, I can't just leave him alone. I suppose avoiding the situation altogether isn't the best solution, but at the same time, I don't want to have to deal with awkward people that I know I won't mix well with. I don't know I suppose this is where two aspects of my personality are at odds with each other and when that happens, I don't know what to do. I suppose this will be a good lesson though a painful one.
I just feel bad for him because he honestly has no friends and I don't know what to do about him. He's pretty transparent but he doesn't seem to realize it himself. He is in desperate need of friendship in a country that's completely foreign to him and everywhere he turns (at work at least) he's met with some degree of coldness or animosity, which in turn feeds into his insecurities. This could easily go two ways - him hating Korea and never wanting to come back again, or he'll learn from it and become less socially awkward (hopefully for his sake, the latter).
OK for someone I don't care about, I guess I'm spending useless amounts of time analyzing his situation and character. Bleh, I honestly prefer not to spend time talking about people. It annoys me.
So moving on from all the bitching and whining, this summer is quite bittersweet. People are leaving Korea but there are others coming in! Well only one person... and its more of a friend of a friend (Janet, I'm talking about Julian :P haha) but I suppose one sort-of friend is better than none at all. ^^
Anyway, that's my update for now. The dynamics of humans will always be a subject of interest for me.
