I have found an article whose content I find to be fascinating. Often times, these academic articles are so dull compared to the novel or work that it strives to analyze that obligation dictates my perusal of them. However, I think that perhaps I am starting to understand better the enjoyment behind research and what it means to be an academe.
How do I know this?
I begrudged an interruption by my dad from the world I was in while reading the article.
I dive into language and learning and as I lose myself in that world, I find small pleasures in the knowledge that is imparted to me. This is perhaps another small reminder of why I am here, doing what I do.
And at the same time, a small, but noticeable sign of my progress (growth?) as a graduate student! Oh the joys of the little things in life...
Monday, December 8, 2014
Friday, December 5, 2014
Reading and yet more reading
What is it about other people's thoughts, their theories, their way of thinking that is so hard for me to absorb? What is it they are trying to say and why is it so hard for me to follow?
Narration and narratives are easy. There is a story to tell and you take it apart based on the way the author chooses to portray a story. What, of life, did the author choose to show as important? Why did the author choose to focus on the psychology of the characters rather than the action of the plot? Such things are easy to decipher.
We enter the realm of the philosophy or the theory behind the writing and suddenly, I feel like I hit a wall.
Joseph Conrad and Henry James. Their driving philosophies should render their work more accessible. Yet their very philosophies is where I fail. To follow people through the logic of their thoughts isn't difficult yet something is stopping understanding.
Perhaps it's just time for me to go to bed. Bah.
Narration and narratives are easy. There is a story to tell and you take it apart based on the way the author chooses to portray a story. What, of life, did the author choose to show as important? Why did the author choose to focus on the psychology of the characters rather than the action of the plot? Such things are easy to decipher.
We enter the realm of the philosophy or the theory behind the writing and suddenly, I feel like I hit a wall.
Joseph Conrad and Henry James. Their driving philosophies should render their work more accessible. Yet their very philosophies is where I fail. To follow people through the logic of their thoughts isn't difficult yet something is stopping understanding.
Perhaps it's just time for me to go to bed. Bah.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Grace, mercy, and justice
Justice: getting what you deserve
Mercy: not getting what you deserve
Grace: getting what you don't deserve
This was brought up today in the Bible study class I attended today and I really like thinking about this. There's two ways to think about this - in terms of others, and then in terms of oneself.
Justice - everyone should get what they deserve. If a person does something wrong, they should be punished for it. That's why the term poetic justice exists in literature. We watch a movie or read a book, expecting that the bad will come to justice, or at least hoping that they will. Even in real life, we hope that there is justice in our daily lives and fight for it (well, most people do, or at least in what people envision as the ideal, everyone will fight for what is believed to be just).
Now let's personalize this. If you commit a wrong, do you want justice? Most likely, you will want mercy.
Mercy - every time someone does something wrong, they want mercy. They want to be the exception to the rule. Why? Because it sucks to have to deal with the consequences of one's actions. Of course the ideal is if one does not do anything wrong or commit that wrong to begin with. However, no one is perfect and everyone has their faults, intentional or not. So then, the one time that one commits a wrong, does it seem fair to have to deal with those consequences? Of course here, most people understand human's imperfections and will say that it is just to be merciful.
However, justice in its purest form would be that everyone must deal with the consequences of their wrongs. (Oh, you could argue that such things shouldn't be so black and white, but then, where is justice in the slippery slope of mercy?)
And then there's this idea of grace. Honestly, I think most people take slight offense to the idea of grace. "Why should he (or she) get that? They don't deserve it!" Think of the criminal that gets away, some undeserving (usually we think ungrateful) child who reaps the benefits of their parents' hard work, etc. The list can be endless when we think of people who have what they don't deserve.
Again, let's personalize it for a second. You've done something bad. You deserve to be punished. Instead of being punished, someone else gets punished for you, and you get something kind of really awesome instead. That joy, I think, would be indescribable, but I think there's also a plethora of feelings that go with that. The crushing realization that you don't deserve that something, the guilt of having it, the guilt, too, that someone else had to suffer because of you, the pressure of showing the appreciation, etc. Can you full appreciate that which you got that you didn't deserve?
It's an interesting concept to roll around. Grace works in interesting ways. I mean yes, this could be in the Christian sense but I think generally speaking. I think grace in its purest form can only happen with God because when someone does something for you, they usually have some kind of expectation of getting something back (whether you live a good life or whatever). Like, if I went to jail for some punk kid who deserved it, that little brat better be working his/her ass off to make a better life for himself/herself, y'know?
Hm. I think grace would be interesting to explore by itself. This idea of grace (both with and separate from Christianity).
Mercy: not getting what you deserve
Grace: getting what you don't deserve
This was brought up today in the Bible study class I attended today and I really like thinking about this. There's two ways to think about this - in terms of others, and then in terms of oneself.
Justice - everyone should get what they deserve. If a person does something wrong, they should be punished for it. That's why the term poetic justice exists in literature. We watch a movie or read a book, expecting that the bad will come to justice, or at least hoping that they will. Even in real life, we hope that there is justice in our daily lives and fight for it (well, most people do, or at least in what people envision as the ideal, everyone will fight for what is believed to be just).
Now let's personalize this. If you commit a wrong, do you want justice? Most likely, you will want mercy.
Mercy - every time someone does something wrong, they want mercy. They want to be the exception to the rule. Why? Because it sucks to have to deal with the consequences of one's actions. Of course the ideal is if one does not do anything wrong or commit that wrong to begin with. However, no one is perfect and everyone has their faults, intentional or not. So then, the one time that one commits a wrong, does it seem fair to have to deal with those consequences? Of course here, most people understand human's imperfections and will say that it is just to be merciful.
However, justice in its purest form would be that everyone must deal with the consequences of their wrongs. (Oh, you could argue that such things shouldn't be so black and white, but then, where is justice in the slippery slope of mercy?)
And then there's this idea of grace. Honestly, I think most people take slight offense to the idea of grace. "Why should he (or she) get that? They don't deserve it!" Think of the criminal that gets away, some undeserving (usually we think ungrateful) child who reaps the benefits of their parents' hard work, etc. The list can be endless when we think of people who have what they don't deserve.
Again, let's personalize it for a second. You've done something bad. You deserve to be punished. Instead of being punished, someone else gets punished for you, and you get something kind of really awesome instead. That joy, I think, would be indescribable, but I think there's also a plethora of feelings that go with that. The crushing realization that you don't deserve that something, the guilt of having it, the guilt, too, that someone else had to suffer because of you, the pressure of showing the appreciation, etc. Can you full appreciate that which you got that you didn't deserve?
It's an interesting concept to roll around. Grace works in interesting ways. I mean yes, this could be in the Christian sense but I think generally speaking. I think grace in its purest form can only happen with God because when someone does something for you, they usually have some kind of expectation of getting something back (whether you live a good life or whatever). Like, if I went to jail for some punk kid who deserved it, that little brat better be working his/her ass off to make a better life for himself/herself, y'know?
Hm. I think grace would be interesting to explore by itself. This idea of grace (both with and separate from Christianity).
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
I'd rather be "us"
There is separation when it's you and me.
You are still you and I am still me.
When you becomes "u" and the self becomes "s"
To create us,
There is no distinction anymore of a you or me,
But a whole, complete unit that cannot be separated
Into you and me.
You are still you and I am still me.
When you becomes "u" and the self becomes "s"
To create us,
There is no distinction anymore of a you or me,
But a whole, complete unit that cannot be separated
Into you and me.
Spent pens
There is something refreshing about fully used up pens. Mind you, this is different from pens whose ink has dried out. There is a feeling of waste and a slight twinge of regret in having to dispose of them.
In throwing out these used up pens, there almost seems to be a sense of clearing out the clutter.
Perhaps I simply have too many pens.
In throwing out these used up pens, there almost seems to be a sense of clearing out the clutter.
Perhaps I simply have too many pens.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
I meander
Perhaps this is how bad habits are formed.
Perhaps this is why it takes me so long to do things.
Perhaps this is why I love both late nights and early mornings (and yet sleep trumps both if I'm ever tired).
Yet if I am relishing the moments I have as I meander through life, is that all that should matter?
The balance between meandering and taking the direct path.
I prefer to meander.
Perhaps this is why it takes me so long to do things.
Perhaps this is why I love both late nights and early mornings (and yet sleep trumps both if I'm ever tired).
Yet if I am relishing the moments I have as I meander through life, is that all that should matter?
The balance between meandering and taking the direct path.
I prefer to meander.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Dance across my heart
Things out of context seldom sound right but I like this phrase. (I suppose that's my thing right now - pretty phrases... though I feel like that's always my thing...)
Anyway, the rest of the passage was cloyingly saccharine and I didn't want to share the rest of it but I liked how those four words sounded.
I think that depending on context, it can also sound unfortunate (in that when someone dances across one's heart, that person could be playing with one's heart) but I like to think of it as a metaphorical manifestation of the way someone can come up in one's thoughts and the feeling that the thought of the person gives feels like that. They are dancing across one's heart in a beautiful and poetic way because of the happiness that stems from thinking of the person. One's heart beats a little faster, a blush becomes deeper, and a smile unwittingly plays across the lips because that person brings that kind of joy to one's heart and mind.
Hehe. *^_^*
Anyway, the rest of the passage was cloyingly saccharine and I didn't want to share the rest of it but I liked how those four words sounded.
I think that depending on context, it can also sound unfortunate (in that when someone dances across one's heart, that person could be playing with one's heart) but I like to think of it as a metaphorical manifestation of the way someone can come up in one's thoughts and the feeling that the thought of the person gives feels like that. They are dancing across one's heart in a beautiful and poetic way because of the happiness that stems from thinking of the person. One's heart beats a little faster, a blush becomes deeper, and a smile unwittingly plays across the lips because that person brings that kind of joy to one's heart and mind.
Hehe. *^_^*
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Brushing my teeth with my non-dominant hand
This is from an article about willpower:
"Just like practicing self-control in one aspect of your day (resisting a brownie, say) depletes the entire well, it also strengthens the entire muscle. “If I'm practicing self control in any domain, it should help me in all the others,” says DeWall. Multiple studies have illustrated that when you exercise self-control in one area of your life -- such as brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand -- you can exert more willpower in another area, such as suppressing aggressive behavior. The two behaviors may be very different, but they share a common energy source."
For some reason, the thing that I got out of this is:
I want to brush my teeth with my left hand. That's it. Hahahaha
Hey, if it helps me learn to exert more willpower, why not? :D
For the full article, click here.
"Just like practicing self-control in one aspect of your day (resisting a brownie, say) depletes the entire well, it also strengthens the entire muscle. “If I'm practicing self control in any domain, it should help me in all the others,” says DeWall. Multiple studies have illustrated that when you exercise self-control in one area of your life -- such as brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand -- you can exert more willpower in another area, such as suppressing aggressive behavior. The two behaviors may be very different, but they share a common energy source."
For some reason, the thing that I got out of this is:
I want to brush my teeth with my left hand. That's it. Hahahaha
Hey, if it helps me learn to exert more willpower, why not? :D
For the full article, click here.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
The poetry of subjective moments
I don't know why, but I think the phrase is beautiful.
Moments that can only be interpreted by the person who feels it, yet there is poetry to that moment.
There's beauty in a situation for only the person who is experiencing it, and the quality of that experience can only be translated and mediated through words.
I can tell you about the beauty of something I experienced, but the experience is already once removed in my telling because it was my personal experience; the fact that I brought in my own insights, thoughts, and feelings at the time that contributed to the beauty and poetry of the moment makes it hard for someone else to understand how I truly felt.
I don't know if it's beauty though. Poetry means more than just beauty. The aesthetic quality of something personally experienced perhaps?
Moments that can only be interpreted by the person who feels it, yet there is poetry to that moment.
There's beauty in a situation for only the person who is experiencing it, and the quality of that experience can only be translated and mediated through words.
I can tell you about the beauty of something I experienced, but the experience is already once removed in my telling because it was my personal experience; the fact that I brought in my own insights, thoughts, and feelings at the time that contributed to the beauty and poetry of the moment makes it hard for someone else to understand how I truly felt.
I don't know if it's beauty though. Poetry means more than just beauty. The aesthetic quality of something personally experienced perhaps?
Monday, October 27, 2014
Emotional range
Knowing more languages increases the range of emotion one feels
Things are often lost in translation and what exists in one culture as a "thing" doesn't necessarily exist in another culture. There is a type of frustration (짜증나) that exists in Korean culture where the word for it in English: frustration is a poor imitation of the depth of what it means in Korean. The word for troublesome (めんどくさい）in Japanese that similarly cannot convey the same kind of feeling.
When we look at Saussure and subsequent thinkers (linguists, theorists, or whatever you want to label them), they claim that emotion, things, etc. cannot exist without the word existing. In essence, that something that does not have a name cannot exist. That's a poor, diluted version of what they are saying, but I find there to be quite some truth in it. It's almost as if I didn't have those range of feelings without knowing what it is.
Perhaps this is why people say one should travel. The range of experiences, the range of words that one is exposed to, and the type of thinking that it engenders allows one to be more open-minded (which is I think what it boils down to - we learn to see and accept other cultures and in turn, accept other ways of thinking that we previously would have been unaware of, or closed to).
This feels half-baked. There's more to it, I think, but it's interesting how powerful language is.
Things are often lost in translation and what exists in one culture as a "thing" doesn't necessarily exist in another culture. There is a type of frustration (짜증나) that exists in Korean culture where the word for it in English: frustration is a poor imitation of the depth of what it means in Korean. The word for troublesome (めんどくさい）in Japanese that similarly cannot convey the same kind of feeling.
When we look at Saussure and subsequent thinkers (linguists, theorists, or whatever you want to label them), they claim that emotion, things, etc. cannot exist without the word existing. In essence, that something that does not have a name cannot exist. That's a poor, diluted version of what they are saying, but I find there to be quite some truth in it. It's almost as if I didn't have those range of feelings without knowing what it is.
Perhaps this is why people say one should travel. The range of experiences, the range of words that one is exposed to, and the type of thinking that it engenders allows one to be more open-minded (which is I think what it boils down to - we learn to see and accept other cultures and in turn, accept other ways of thinking that we previously would have been unaware of, or closed to).
This feels half-baked. There's more to it, I think, but it's interesting how powerful language is.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Explosions
Today's thought-project: explosions are fascinating things. I think that what I didn't understand (and to a certain extent, I still don't) are how explosions work.
I mean think for a second. A tiny bomb detonates, and suddenly power quite literally explodes out of that little package. It's like a punch from every conceivable direction and my question becomes: where does the power come from? The obvious answer, which is through a chemical reaction, does make sense, but how does it release such power? Again, yes, science explains the mechanics, but it has to do with bonds and the energy contained in bonds and when the bonds are broken and recreated, something explodes. Of course I'm probably misunderstanding some of the science, since I don't quite know, nor care really, to actually find the answer. I suppose it's the thought behind the explosion.
So much energy was put into the creation of the bond that it makes me wonder how chance created such bonds to the point that a world was created. Perhaps to me, such thinking seems highly improbably, which mathematically, it is. And in thinking of explosions, it gets me to think that perhaps, intelligent design is not all that incorrect.
This is half-baked and half-explained. I may have to come back to this later.
I mean think for a second. A tiny bomb detonates, and suddenly power quite literally explodes out of that little package. It's like a punch from every conceivable direction and my question becomes: where does the power come from? The obvious answer, which is through a chemical reaction, does make sense, but how does it release such power? Again, yes, science explains the mechanics, but it has to do with bonds and the energy contained in bonds and when the bonds are broken and recreated, something explodes. Of course I'm probably misunderstanding some of the science, since I don't quite know, nor care really, to actually find the answer. I suppose it's the thought behind the explosion.
So much energy was put into the creation of the bond that it makes me wonder how chance created such bonds to the point that a world was created. Perhaps to me, such thinking seems highly improbably, which mathematically, it is. And in thinking of explosions, it gets me to think that perhaps, intelligent design is not all that incorrect.
This is half-baked and half-explained. I may have to come back to this later.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Living by meself
The perks:
I can walk around in my underwear and my T-shirt on backwards and inside out and no one would say anything.
The downsides:
I could walk out with a T-shirt on backwards and inside out and no one would say anything.
The perks:
Everything I put somewhere is found exactly where I left it.
The downsides:
...including the dishes.
I can walk around in my underwear and my T-shirt on backwards and inside out and no one would say anything.
The downsides:
I could walk out with a T-shirt on backwards and inside out and no one would say anything.
The perks:
Everything I put somewhere is found exactly where I left it.
The downsides:
...including the dishes.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
I don't like people. Really.
There are too many people in my life right now and I totally can't deal.
Not sure which "let-me-explain-you-to-you" blogs, personality tests, etc. I was reading, but I can only manage a handful of people in my life. There are too many right now. Far too many.
Blah.
Not to say that I dislike people, I just prefer quality over quantity. Why are there so many people in my life?! Gah.
Not sure which "let-me-explain-you-to-you" blogs, personality tests, etc. I was reading, but I can only manage a handful of people in my life. There are too many right now. Far too many.
Blah.
Not to say that I dislike people, I just prefer quality over quantity. Why are there so many people in my life?! Gah.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Privilege
Not in the sense that people think about when you hear the words "white privilege" or whatever. I mean this in the more pure sense of the word - that one has the luck or is blessed with or has the opportunity to do something, see something, experience something for whatever reason/circumstance.
A friend has been going through some stuff and I realized that I have the privilege of being there for her. This is not to say that I've been able to do this with all of my friends, nor will this be the case in the future. However, at this juncture in this particular friend's life, I have had the privilege to be there for her, to help her process certain things (however helpful or unhelpful it is...), and to be emotionally available to do so. I feel lucky to be able to do it and it is oddly not a burden at all.
Unfortunately, this is not the case at all for all my friends - I don't know if it's a matter of dissonance with the way we process and think or if it's simply because there are too may factors to overcome for me to be there (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.) for them but I have not been able to do that for many of my friends. I guess this marks a change in my own maturity (hopefully!) as well as a change in my mentality for what it means to be a good friend.
I don't know where I'm going with this; all I know is that right now, I just feel lucky to be a part of this person's life and I realize that perhaps it is because I care about this person that I'm able to do such things and it feels like a blessing.
I wonder if this is a fraction of what parents feel for their children. Does this explain why they are so willing to go so far for them, when in reality, the returns cannot compare? Not that children are an investment, but there does seem to be a bit of that tit for tat thing with nearly all relationships and parents are so wonderfully giving that nothing really seems to compare with the ideal (or perhaps the over-idealized?) parenting style.
Anyway, I suppose my point is this: instead of looking at certain things as burdens (whether it's something we don't want to do, or something we have to do out of obligation), one can actually turn them around and realize that one is blessed to have the capacity to be able to handle such things or be able to take part in the different cycles of suffering and triumph that makes the reality called life.
A friend has been going through some stuff and I realized that I have the privilege of being there for her. This is not to say that I've been able to do this with all of my friends, nor will this be the case in the future. However, at this juncture in this particular friend's life, I have had the privilege to be there for her, to help her process certain things (however helpful or unhelpful it is...), and to be emotionally available to do so. I feel lucky to be able to do it and it is oddly not a burden at all.
Unfortunately, this is not the case at all for all my friends - I don't know if it's a matter of dissonance with the way we process and think or if it's simply because there are too may factors to overcome for me to be there (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.) for them but I have not been able to do that for many of my friends. I guess this marks a change in my own maturity (hopefully!) as well as a change in my mentality for what it means to be a good friend.
I don't know where I'm going with this; all I know is that right now, I just feel lucky to be a part of this person's life and I realize that perhaps it is because I care about this person that I'm able to do such things and it feels like a blessing.
I wonder if this is a fraction of what parents feel for their children. Does this explain why they are so willing to go so far for them, when in reality, the returns cannot compare? Not that children are an investment, but there does seem to be a bit of that tit for tat thing with nearly all relationships and parents are so wonderfully giving that nothing really seems to compare with the ideal (or perhaps the over-idealized?) parenting style.
Anyway, I suppose my point is this: instead of looking at certain things as burdens (whether it's something we don't want to do, or something we have to do out of obligation), one can actually turn them around and realize that one is blessed to have the capacity to be able to handle such things or be able to take part in the different cycles of suffering and triumph that makes the reality called life.
Writing
"Writing is a fraught, personal, and scary thing" (I screwed up the quote here somewhere - from a senior colleague and fellow co-worker)
I agree.
Yet when it comes to certain types of writing, I get stuck while others, just flow. Bleh. I needta just write.
I agree.
Yet when it comes to certain types of writing, I get stuck while others, just flow. Bleh. I needta just write.
Friday, October 3, 2014
Why I do what I do
Sorry for the crappy quality.
The fashion and entertainment industry make a ton of money because a lot of it trickles down into every day life in some way, shape, or form.
I think that anything from the humanities has similar qualities. When people question the value of it, you really only have to look at Marx or Freud to realize that entire countries changed their way of running or justified how they ran things because of thinkers. These people influenced pretty much the world and for some reason, people think that the humanities are useless.
The effect may not be obvious, but it's still to the point where we rethink how we view entire systems of thought, or systems, or anything really.
Humanities are useless. Psh... People just don't know.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
A better me
I think I like surrounding myself with people who make me a better person. There are different "categories" of people, though I don't actively put my close people in them (or at least I don't think I do) and I like people who make me want to become a better person. I think that it boils down to life choices and moral values and how it manifests into the person's personality and demeanor.
Some people are leeches, they take what they can from you with little to offer and honestly, I find these types of people exhausting. I don't try to cater to them but somehow it becomes a relationship like that and in the end, I just avoid them altogether.
There are also friendships where nothing is gained and nothing is lost. They're honestly really boring. They exist because of proximity and convenience and they lack depth. I find these to be uncomfortable. They bother me because they feel obligatory more than anything.
I realized I seek out good/deep conversations and I seek out people who are able to draw that out of me. Sometimes I can go into it if I'm in a thoughtful mood, but other times, it's the person I'm with that allows me to delve into the recesses of my brain while picking their brain. I'm not saying that it's all about me and I would hope that I am able to somehow affect the person in a positive way as well but I realize that my relationships are based on how I feel around them and how I feel about the person.
That isn't to say that I don't hang out with people who don't better me - there are all sorts of people out there. I just gravitate towards people who do because they get me to think and as a result, I feel like I am improved and hopefully I do the same for them as well.
Hm. This feels half-baked.
I just like people with depth and people who are able to create depth in a relationship.
Some people are leeches, they take what they can from you with little to offer and honestly, I find these types of people exhausting. I don't try to cater to them but somehow it becomes a relationship like that and in the end, I just avoid them altogether.
There are also friendships where nothing is gained and nothing is lost. They're honestly really boring. They exist because of proximity and convenience and they lack depth. I find these to be uncomfortable. They bother me because they feel obligatory more than anything.
I realized I seek out good/deep conversations and I seek out people who are able to draw that out of me. Sometimes I can go into it if I'm in a thoughtful mood, but other times, it's the person I'm with that allows me to delve into the recesses of my brain while picking their brain. I'm not saying that it's all about me and I would hope that I am able to somehow affect the person in a positive way as well but I realize that my relationships are based on how I feel around them and how I feel about the person.
That isn't to say that I don't hang out with people who don't better me - there are all sorts of people out there. I just gravitate towards people who do because they get me to think and as a result, I feel like I am improved and hopefully I do the same for them as well.
Hm. This feels half-baked.
I just like people with depth and people who are able to create depth in a relationship.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
The world of academia in Literature
"Daaaang" was the first thing out of my mouth after I read two articles about the most recent (I think?) edition of Ulysses by James Joyce. There are so many editions, so many different versions, with seemingly minor changes (that really change the way it's read), that it seems that one could argue for and against any of the editions.
However, in this case, the condemner has a pretty solid argument and rips the 19841986 edition apart. There are references to shoddy work, sloppiness, lack of scholarship, improper research, and all sorts of general and specific insults that point to the lack of quality and thus, the lack of intelligence in the people who undertook this project. And he's horrifically mean about it.
The people try at some kind of retort, but he responds with a story that's worse because there's wordplay that spits on how badly they bungled Ulysses. I can't say it's petty though I can see it going down that road, but geesh, no punches were pulled!
The world of literature academics is kind of scary! Oh, we'll see where this all goes...
However, in this case, the condemner has a pretty solid argument and rips the 19841986 edition apart. There are references to shoddy work, sloppiness, lack of scholarship, improper research, and all sorts of general and specific insults that point to the lack of quality and thus, the lack of intelligence in the people who undertook this project. And he's horrifically mean about it.
The people try at some kind of retort, but he responds with a story that's worse because there's wordplay that spits on how badly they bungled Ulysses. I can't say it's petty though I can see it going down that road, but geesh, no punches were pulled!
The world of literature academics is kind of scary! Oh, we'll see where this all goes...
Sunday, September 14, 2014
The perks of going to a private graduate institution
Lots of free stuff: those cool highlighters that have liquid ink, a usb that was attached to our name tags, post-it notes! (those things are gold!!), the obligatory pens, free events (with meals!), crazy supportive staff and faculty, and the list continues...
If I was one of those power blogger people, I'd probably illustrate my point with pictures and all of that but it's really too troublesome. I just know that I'm benefiting from my education (though really those little free perks are built into the tuition....). But hey, I'll take it. :)
If I was one of those power blogger people, I'd probably illustrate my point with pictures and all of that but it's really too troublesome. I just know that I'm benefiting from my education (though really those little free perks are built into the tuition....). But hey, I'll take it. :)
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Oh, moving.
Unpacking for me is like a treasure hunt. I open up one of these chests in hopes to find gold and precious jewels in the form of kitchen goods and useful items.
It just goes to show how awesome of a packing job I did. Hahaha. At least it keeps things interesting for me.
It just goes to show how awesome of a packing job I did. Hahaha. At least it keeps things interesting for me.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Hello! It feels like it's been a while
Transitions transitions.
I don't have anything interesting to say except that transitions make a person busy. Moving/settling into a different country/becoming "fully" independent makes one quite busy.
Excited for changes.
Ack, but there's so much to do.
I don't have anything interesting to say except that transitions make a person busy. Moving/settling into a different country/becoming "fully" independent makes one quite busy.
Excited for changes.
Ack, but there's so much to do.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
The right thing at the right time
Ever make lists of goals that you hope to keep? This can be in the form of New Year's resolutions, mid-year crisis (oh no! I haven't kept any of my New Year's resolutions!), turning point in various eras of one's life (end of high school/beginning of college, end of college, end of a career, the turning point of a career, retirement, etc.), and so on and so forth. Have you ever looked back at those goals (stumbling across the list years later) to realize (with horror) that nothing has changed?
That happened to me when I graduated college. I looked at a list I made when I graduate high school and realized that I didn't get better or become a better person. I had gotten worse. I had obtained some nasty habits, forgotten a lot of good ones, and in general had become a person that I wasn't proud of. Granted, I wasn't living a destructive lifestyle in the sense that I wasn't hurting anyone (myself included) but I also wasn't living an active life (physically, mentally, and emotionally). It's the kind of stasis that comes from coasting and I realized that I had wanted more from myself and I had hoped to gain much more in college. I don't mean to say that I didn't gain anything in college because I learned a lot (in obvious ways) and I definitely enjoyed the college experience. However, from a self-developmental point of view, nothing changed and I had only gotten worse.
I think somewhere along the line after that I realized that I needed to be more active about the person I wanted to be. If I want to change, I can't keep thinking "Oh, I'll do it tomorrow." because in the end, I'm putting off the person I want to become and when that happens, well, I'll simply continue to be unhappy or dissatisfied with the current me.
There's always that balance that one must have between bettering oneself and being happy with who one is because in constantly trying to improve oneself, there's almost an inherent thought that the current self is not good enough and thus needs improvement. I think I went through cycles of self-deprecation and contentment with my self for quite some time until I realized the two are not as closely connected as one thinks.
At any rate, I could get into this huge long (wordy and to be honest, boring) testimonial about how I changed my way of thinking but the point is this: I recently came across another one of my lists and realized that of the 3 things I listed, I had accomplished (more or less) two. To be (somewhat) active in changing myself, I had progressed.
Life is supposed to be an active engagement of the self with not only the world but with oneself in constantly encouraging to better oneself and the environment around oneself. It may not always happen, but with effort comes results.
That happened to me when I graduated college. I looked at a list I made when I graduate high school and realized that I didn't get better or become a better person. I had gotten worse. I had obtained some nasty habits, forgotten a lot of good ones, and in general had become a person that I wasn't proud of. Granted, I wasn't living a destructive lifestyle in the sense that I wasn't hurting anyone (myself included) but I also wasn't living an active life (physically, mentally, and emotionally). It's the kind of stasis that comes from coasting and I realized that I had wanted more from myself and I had hoped to gain much more in college. I don't mean to say that I didn't gain anything in college because I learned a lot (in obvious ways) and I definitely enjoyed the college experience. However, from a self-developmental point of view, nothing changed and I had only gotten worse.
I think somewhere along the line after that I realized that I needed to be more active about the person I wanted to be. If I want to change, I can't keep thinking "Oh, I'll do it tomorrow." because in the end, I'm putting off the person I want to become and when that happens, well, I'll simply continue to be unhappy or dissatisfied with the current me.
There's always that balance that one must have between bettering oneself and being happy with who one is because in constantly trying to improve oneself, there's almost an inherent thought that the current self is not good enough and thus needs improvement. I think I went through cycles of self-deprecation and contentment with my self for quite some time until I realized the two are not as closely connected as one thinks.
At any rate, I could get into this huge long (wordy and to be honest, boring) testimonial about how I changed my way of thinking but the point is this: I recently came across another one of my lists and realized that of the 3 things I listed, I had accomplished (more or less) two. To be (somewhat) active in changing myself, I had progressed.
Life is supposed to be an active engagement of the self with not only the world but with oneself in constantly encouraging to better oneself and the environment around oneself. It may not always happen, but with effort comes results.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Honesty in one's self-assessment
I like vague titles, but I realized, what ends up happening is the titles of my blogs end up being the same or being similar, despite being about completely different things.
But perhaps I will stick to the vagueness. We'll see.
I think that one thing I find refreshing, and endearing in a way, is when a person makes a somewhat negative self-assessment of themselves that shows self-awareness in a way that perhaps other people are less willing to acknowledge.
For example, someone who takes home work every night, thinking they'll get some work done, is fooling themselves if they never get any work done. (That someone is me). However, when facing reality, you acknowledge that you do or don't do whatever you think you won't or will do (respectively) and suddenly, life becomes more manageable.
I dunno, I suppose it's a roundabout way of saying that I kind of understand myself now, and I like it when other people do the same. And in the end, when we accept the reality that is who we are, I think it becomes easier to better oneself. "Know thyself" is apparently as old as ancient Greek (via Wikipedia, a questionable source) and perhaps it has survived with reason...
But perhaps I will stick to the vagueness. We'll see.
I think that one thing I find refreshing, and endearing in a way, is when a person makes a somewhat negative self-assessment of themselves that shows self-awareness in a way that perhaps other people are less willing to acknowledge.
For example, someone who takes home work every night, thinking they'll get some work done, is fooling themselves if they never get any work done. (That someone is me). However, when facing reality, you acknowledge that you do or don't do whatever you think you won't or will do (respectively) and suddenly, life becomes more manageable.
I dunno, I suppose it's a roundabout way of saying that I kind of understand myself now, and I like it when other people do the same. And in the end, when we accept the reality that is who we are, I think it becomes easier to better oneself. "Know thyself" is apparently as old as ancient Greek (via Wikipedia, a questionable source) and perhaps it has survived with reason...
Friday, May 23, 2014
I am interesting, if only to me
But sometimes, I look at my old stuff (whether it's blog entries, old poems I've attempted, starts of stories) and sometimes, I wonder what the heck I was thinking.
Could this be the fabled foolishness of youth that one sees as one ages?!
Could this be the fabled foolishness of youth that one sees as one ages?!
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Food of our past
We change, thinking that we do not.
When we confront that which has not changed, we are surprised because it has not met expectations. We blame that which has not changed, when it was us that had changed all along.
Displacing blame is what humans do really well, and it all started with Adam.
That aside, this is really just about food and how it tastes, but abstracting such thoughts creates a deeper sense of truth, doesn't it? There are parallels everywhere in the world.
Anyway, after living in Korea and enjoying its cuisine for three and a half years, I went back to America to find that a lot of its food really sucked. In-n-out? Too salty. Chipotle? Too salty. Any restaurant? Too salty. Sweets? Too damn sugary. Or buttery.
Where are the flavors? Butter and sugar don't make a dessert good, it hides the other flavors that are supposed to come out. Granted, butter is good. Sugar is tasty. In moderation.
However, I think what had happened is, I went to a country that used reasonable amounts of salt, oil, butter (which in my mind is separate from oil since it tastes fairly different from other oils), and sugar and suddenly, the truth of how nasty American cuisine came out.
Of course I eventually adjusted to the ridiculous amounts of sodium, fat, and sugar in everything but it made me realize that because we change, e.g. our tastes change, the very thing that used to be good may not be so anymore.
This can be with food, tastes in music, even people.
I think with people, when we grow to be adults, we don't want to go through the trouble of meeting new people and adjusting to the nuances of personalities that exist and so we deal with the people we know, despite realizing that we may not like them. In many ways, I think such complacency is tragic. But my personality is such that if I don't like something, I avoid or cut it out. This has its problems too, but at least I'm not influenced by those I dislike (that thought that "you are the average of the 6 closest people to you" kind of stuck with me).
When we confront that which has not changed, we are surprised because it has not met expectations. We blame that which has not changed, when it was us that had changed all along.
Displacing blame is what humans do really well, and it all started with Adam.
That aside, this is really just about food and how it tastes, but abstracting such thoughts creates a deeper sense of truth, doesn't it? There are parallels everywhere in the world.
Anyway, after living in Korea and enjoying its cuisine for three and a half years, I went back to America to find that a lot of its food really sucked. In-n-out? Too salty. Chipotle? Too salty. Any restaurant? Too salty. Sweets? Too damn sugary. Or buttery.
Where are the flavors? Butter and sugar don't make a dessert good, it hides the other flavors that are supposed to come out. Granted, butter is good. Sugar is tasty. In moderation.
However, I think what had happened is, I went to a country that used reasonable amounts of salt, oil, butter (which in my mind is separate from oil since it tastes fairly different from other oils), and sugar and suddenly, the truth of how nasty American cuisine came out.
Of course I eventually adjusted to the ridiculous amounts of sodium, fat, and sugar in everything but it made me realize that because we change, e.g. our tastes change, the very thing that used to be good may not be so anymore.
This can be with food, tastes in music, even people.
I think with people, when we grow to be adults, we don't want to go through the trouble of meeting new people and adjusting to the nuances of personalities that exist and so we deal with the people we know, despite realizing that we may not like them. In many ways, I think such complacency is tragic. But my personality is such that if I don't like something, I avoid or cut it out. This has its problems too, but at least I'm not influenced by those I dislike (that thought that "you are the average of the 6 closest people to you" kind of stuck with me).
Saturday, May 10, 2014
People
I like people who have the ability to draw on a thoughtful side of me. Most people don't. But perhaps it's simply the mood I'm in and the mood of the person I'm with is in that draws out a certain kind of conversation. I suppose what we're doing and the general environment we're in probably will have something to do with it too.
A friend mentioned that a lot of what I do and a lot of what I share (whether physical or ideological) has to do with timing. (And in physical sharing, I mean food. There's nothing else that I really share physically unless I happened to buy extra household items... which is rare).
If I'm baking banana bread before we meet up, you're probably going to get a small loaf (Daiso has these great disposable paper baking pan things so I got into baking banana bread for people for a while). If I'm chewing on some line of thought when we meet up, you'll probably be privy to hear it.
In some ways, it's unfortunate that it is situational. If timing is everything, if you're not there, does that mean that you're not important enough for me to share it with you?
I don't have the ability to think that far ahead so the answer is quite obviously no. I think that I'm too busy with whatever thought I'm processing or whatever fad of cooking I'm in to plan ahead. I'm too moody (capricious, fickle, spur-of-the-moment, whatever word or euphemism you want to use) to be able to plan for such things. I go through bouts of interest. Like if you asked me to make you banana bread, I would find it exceedingly troublesome to do so. I don't feel like making banana bread; forget duty, kindness, propriety, if I'm not feeling it, I have an exponentially harder time doing it.
Things like this make me feel like a child. Aren't adults supposed to have put such things aside and shouldn't they be able to do things out of a sense of duty, or a desire to be a better friend, or even out of simple altruism?
I wonder if it's just plain laziness that such things occur. And why does desire have to do with anything? It doesn't make sense that one should want to do it. If one must do something, there should be no volition involved. I suppose the thought that I'm working on right now has the idea of making decisions and of having options. I keep coming back to it.
A friend mentioned that a lot of what I do and a lot of what I share (whether physical or ideological) has to do with timing. (And in physical sharing, I mean food. There's nothing else that I really share physically unless I happened to buy extra household items... which is rare).
If I'm baking banana bread before we meet up, you're probably going to get a small loaf (Daiso has these great disposable paper baking pan things so I got into baking banana bread for people for a while). If I'm chewing on some line of thought when we meet up, you'll probably be privy to hear it.
In some ways, it's unfortunate that it is situational. If timing is everything, if you're not there, does that mean that you're not important enough for me to share it with you?
I don't have the ability to think that far ahead so the answer is quite obviously no. I think that I'm too busy with whatever thought I'm processing or whatever fad of cooking I'm in to plan ahead. I'm too moody (capricious, fickle, spur-of-the-moment, whatever word or euphemism you want to use) to be able to plan for such things. I go through bouts of interest. Like if you asked me to make you banana bread, I would find it exceedingly troublesome to do so. I don't feel like making banana bread; forget duty, kindness, propriety, if I'm not feeling it, I have an exponentially harder time doing it.
Things like this make me feel like a child. Aren't adults supposed to have put such things aside and shouldn't they be able to do things out of a sense of duty, or a desire to be a better friend, or even out of simple altruism?
I wonder if it's just plain laziness that such things occur. And why does desire have to do with anything? It doesn't make sense that one should want to do it. If one must do something, there should be no volition involved. I suppose the thought that I'm working on right now has the idea of making decisions and of having options. I keep coming back to it.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Foolishness
Have you ever done anything so irrevocably stupid that you had to reassess the definition of yourself?
Foolishness has become an intimate friend of mine with whom I am quick to part.
Yet he comes running back to me the moment my back is turned.
Clinging to me like the past.
I remind myself that this is the road to success, but must it be paved with such moments of doubt?
Why couldn't failure be simple?
Failure and foolishness.
Such unsavory sounds.
Foolishness has become an intimate friend of mine with whom I am quick to part.
Yet he comes running back to me the moment my back is turned.
Clinging to me like the past.
I remind myself that this is the road to success, but must it be paved with such moments of doubt?
Why couldn't failure be simple?
Failure and foolishness.
Such unsavory sounds.
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Poetry is beautiful
Not because of its fine-tuned phrases, though that is part of it, but because of its capacity to evoke emotion.
There is something beautiful about poetry that perfectly conveys an emotion or feeling. When I read something and sense the feeling that the poem evokes (happiness, despair, grief, bliss, etc.), I can't help to really appreciate the art behind poetry. It manages to bring out feelings that I had forgotten and I am reminded of situations associated with those feelings, for better or for worse.
I can't say I enjoy poetry (in that I wouldn't actively seek out a book of poetry for leisure) but poetry has value in ways that prose can only try to emulate.
There is something beautiful about poetry that perfectly conveys an emotion or feeling. When I read something and sense the feeling that the poem evokes (happiness, despair, grief, bliss, etc.), I can't help to really appreciate the art behind poetry. It manages to bring out feelings that I had forgotten and I am reminded of situations associated with those feelings, for better or for worse.
I can't say I enjoy poetry (in that I wouldn't actively seek out a book of poetry for leisure) but poetry has value in ways that prose can only try to emulate.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Children
are beautiful little things.
They're so cute and funny!
Oh dear, my biological clock is ticking.
But really, children are able to do nothing, to something, and then they become adults. I think that it is interesting to see the development of people from little people, to people who think they know better (but don't), to adults (who are people who don't know any better, but acknowledge that they don't, all the while pretending that they do).
Oh the cycles of life, how interesting they are. Who would have thought that I would have two beautiful little nieces, that I would have the privilege of watching their development and their awesome little quirks?
They're so cute and funny!
Oh dear, my biological clock is ticking.
But really, children are able to do nothing, to something, and then they become adults. I think that it is interesting to see the development of people from little people, to people who think they know better (but don't), to adults (who are people who don't know any better, but acknowledge that they don't, all the while pretending that they do).
Oh the cycles of life, how interesting they are. Who would have thought that I would have two beautiful little nieces, that I would have the privilege of watching their development and their awesome little quirks?
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Reading
As I read, sometimes I feel like the book is opening me up as I open the book, open to the next page, open up the plot, I feel the book unfold in my heart. My heartstrings ring word after word and the ineffable bubbles up from deep inside.
Can't help but to...
The phrase implies a lack of control - an impulse - that forces someone to action. Someone is compelled, impelled, propelled in a way where they see no other choice but to do what is stated.
Control is something I fight for, control over my impulses, my desires, and my thoughts. I think that what amazes me and perhaps what fascinates me are people have incredible amounts of self-control. Perhaps I simply lack the discipline, but when someone is able to exhibit great self-control, I internally applaud the person and hold them in secret awe because they are able to achieve something that I so frequently fail to do.
I suppose I am impulsive. It's something that I enjoy about my character because there's a certain amount of fun associated with it. In the end, it isn't healthy, for me and for the other parties involved, if there are any. Usually the only casualty is me.
It's weird, the things I want to do conflict with the things I do, yet when I do the things I want to do, I feel suffocated. I feel like I'm forcing myself to do things that I want to do, when all along, I wanted to do it to begin with. The forcing of myself to do that thing makes me feel like I shouldn't want to do it and thus, I feel restricted, hence the feeling of being trapped. ADHD much? What a troublesome cycle. Am I tricking myself into thinking that I want to do something that I don't want to do? But when I do it, I enjoy it, which means that I want to do it. Then why is it so hard to start? That's where I think I have difficulty. In the starting.
Well, I'm reading a book called Start by Jon Acuff and it's actually quite helpful in all this. ^^ I want to be awesome. I am choosing the road to awesome and I am starting now. (Well, really I started yesterday) but I will continue to start. Of course I would imagine it to mean less for someone who has not read the book, but that's pretty much the whole premise (at least up to chapter 4)...
All, that, just because I wanted to talk about getting lost in a book (but in putting what I tried to capture at the moment at the end of this blog entry does it no justice. I will create another entry for it).
Control is something I fight for, control over my impulses, my desires, and my thoughts. I think that what amazes me and perhaps what fascinates me are people have incredible amounts of self-control. Perhaps I simply lack the discipline, but when someone is able to exhibit great self-control, I internally applaud the person and hold them in secret awe because they are able to achieve something that I so frequently fail to do.
I suppose I am impulsive. It's something that I enjoy about my character because there's a certain amount of fun associated with it. In the end, it isn't healthy, for me and for the other parties involved, if there are any. Usually the only casualty is me.
It's weird, the things I want to do conflict with the things I do, yet when I do the things I want to do, I feel suffocated. I feel like I'm forcing myself to do things that I want to do, when all along, I wanted to do it to begin with. The forcing of myself to do that thing makes me feel like I shouldn't want to do it and thus, I feel restricted, hence the feeling of being trapped. ADHD much? What a troublesome cycle. Am I tricking myself into thinking that I want to do something that I don't want to do? But when I do it, I enjoy it, which means that I want to do it. Then why is it so hard to start? That's where I think I have difficulty. In the starting.
Well, I'm reading a book called Start by Jon Acuff and it's actually quite helpful in all this. ^^ I want to be awesome. I am choosing the road to awesome and I am starting now. (Well, really I started yesterday) but I will continue to start. Of course I would imagine it to mean less for someone who has not read the book, but that's pretty much the whole premise (at least up to chapter 4)...
All, that, just because I wanted to talk about getting lost in a book (but in putting what I tried to capture at the moment at the end of this blog entry does it no justice. I will create another entry for it).
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Why I enjoy words
Not literature, but words.
Perhaps it is the cadence. The music we have been taught in the form of language that communicates in ways deeper than we can comprehend.
Fun words roll around in my head and in my mouth as the meaning of the word and the sound of the word are aligned to create the perfect expression.
Today's words of the day are
happenstance
It just happened by circumstance.
verisimilitude
A similarity to truth (verity) (or google's definition: "the appearance of being true or real")
It isn't just the sound though. Perhaps it is also how it looks, the art of the word. The visual appeal that the letters create. The dips, peaks, and tittle islands that create an image (yes, tittle sounds like a dirty or frilly word, but it's just the name of the dot above i's and j's). Sometimes words have balance.
I like words. :]
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Incompetence
It's that feeling of one's own incompetence that leads to such enervation.
I don't want to do anything anymore. Perhaps I'm just depressed.
Perhaps I'm hard on myself or perhaps this is truth.
Perhaps this is why I hate it when other people are incompetent.
Today I felt like a failure. Not in the sense that my students didn't learn, but I was left feeling like I could have done better.
There's no solution except to suck it up and be better next time, but failure is an ugly, smelly, unwelcome friend that I have no desire to become intimate with.
Is this really the only way to success?
(ugh, what an emo post - I guess I am still a child, aren't I?)
I don't want to do anything anymore. Perhaps I'm just depressed.
Perhaps I'm hard on myself or perhaps this is truth.
Perhaps this is why I hate it when other people are incompetent.
Today I felt like a failure. Not in the sense that my students didn't learn, but I was left feeling like I could have done better.
There's no solution except to suck it up and be better next time, but failure is an ugly, smelly, unwelcome friend that I have no desire to become intimate with.
Is this really the only way to success?
(ugh, what an emo post - I guess I am still a child, aren't I?)
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Forgetfulness
I hate it when I'm at the precipice of a thought and then it escapes or something distracts me from taking the thought to completion.
The folly of humans can be seen in this:
The thoughts we have that contradict reality show how foolish we can be, or perhaps how blind we are to truth.
Perhaps I'm simply twisting things, but today, as I was doing the dishes, I noticed that there were no pots and pans (and it made sense because I had leftovers for dinner). I noted to myself how nice it was not to have to clean such unwieldy implements, and finished washing up. Now, I had forgotten that I had poured soup from a pot for dinner earlier, emptying the pot and leaving it on top of the stove (and thus the pot remained uncleaned until just now, when I happened to see it, empty and dirty, as I walked by to get a glass of water).
In forgetting, we only see what is in front of us, and if our brains are able to observe so much, but only bring into our consciousness a fraction of what has been observed, then could a thought that I had had ("oh, there are no pots") actually be two concurrent, conflicting pre-thoughts (there's a pot on the stove - drawn from my memory) and (there are no pots in front of me - drawn from visual data) colliding and creating a sense of misplaced satisfaction in noticing that I did not have to wash any pots? So by the time those two conflicting thoughts had arrived into my consciousness, all I thought was, 'Oh, how nice. I don't have to wash any pots' when my brain was actually trying to remind me of the pot behind me.
Sometimes we place so much value in observation and in the tangible that we forget that there are thousands upon thousands of factors that we are missing, both forgotten and unseen. Then, when belief systems, science, and other truths come out, our brain reconciles the information into a misplaced thought of 'Oh, how nice.'
I wonder if the separation between religion and science is something like that? We've conceived it to be so irreconcilable that we've forgotten that in both, there could be truth that we're simply missing out on.
Eh. It still bothers me that this other thought is unfinished. Hm. Well, I'm marinating on this one. Perhaps there will be more.
The folly of humans can be seen in this:
The thoughts we have that contradict reality show how foolish we can be, or perhaps how blind we are to truth.
Perhaps I'm simply twisting things, but today, as I was doing the dishes, I noticed that there were no pots and pans (and it made sense because I had leftovers for dinner). I noted to myself how nice it was not to have to clean such unwieldy implements, and finished washing up. Now, I had forgotten that I had poured soup from a pot for dinner earlier, emptying the pot and leaving it on top of the stove (and thus the pot remained uncleaned until just now, when I happened to see it, empty and dirty, as I walked by to get a glass of water).
In forgetting, we only see what is in front of us, and if our brains are able to observe so much, but only bring into our consciousness a fraction of what has been observed, then could a thought that I had had ("oh, there are no pots") actually be two concurrent, conflicting pre-thoughts (there's a pot on the stove - drawn from my memory) and (there are no pots in front of me - drawn from visual data) colliding and creating a sense of misplaced satisfaction in noticing that I did not have to wash any pots? So by the time those two conflicting thoughts had arrived into my consciousness, all I thought was, 'Oh, how nice. I don't have to wash any pots' when my brain was actually trying to remind me of the pot behind me.
Sometimes we place so much value in observation and in the tangible that we forget that there are thousands upon thousands of factors that we are missing, both forgotten and unseen. Then, when belief systems, science, and other truths come out, our brain reconciles the information into a misplaced thought of 'Oh, how nice.'
I wonder if the separation between religion and science is something like that? We've conceived it to be so irreconcilable that we've forgotten that in both, there could be truth that we're simply missing out on.
Eh. It still bothers me that this other thought is unfinished. Hm. Well, I'm marinating on this one. Perhaps there will be more.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Things I need to stop buying...
but keep finding an affinity for them.
Mugs.
Tshirts.
Hoodies.
I like them!
I like mugs because they give that extra garnish that comes with a nice hot drink (which is usually coffee during the day and decaf or non-caffeinated tea at night) and tshirts and hoodies have fun designs!
I have too many mugs and far too many tshirts.
Boo for being an adult and having to look a certain way to give a certain impression. If I was better at art or at graphic design or something freelance or creative, I would have a gabillion tshirts. That's right. A gabillion.
Mugs.
Tshirts.
Hoodies.
I like them!
I like mugs because they give that extra garnish that comes with a nice hot drink (which is usually coffee during the day and decaf or non-caffeinated tea at night) and tshirts and hoodies have fun designs!
I have too many mugs and far too many tshirts.
Boo for being an adult and having to look a certain way to give a certain impression. If I was better at art or at graphic design or something freelance or creative, I would have a gabillion tshirts. That's right. A gabillion.
Saturday, March 29, 2014
North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell
"Thinking has, many a time, made me sad, darling; but doing never did in all my life."
This can be taken is so many ways, especially out of context and I've decided I really really like it.
Perhaps in part it has to do with the motivating factor that I always seem to need, but it's just nice - the turn of phrase.
So many nuggets in this book!
Yes. I do like Victorian Literature. ^^
[update]
Why is it that the death of a fictional character seems so real? I feel like I'm going into mourning and from a character that I thought was annoying and frivolous. I feel bad for thinking that way and this character has died every time someone has picked up the book and read this part!
Books are beautiful, powerful things. The human imagination as well, to be able to accept such untruths.
I can't wait to start graduate school.
This can be taken is so many ways, especially out of context and I've decided I really really like it.
Perhaps in part it has to do with the motivating factor that I always seem to need, but it's just nice - the turn of phrase.
So many nuggets in this book!
Yes. I do like Victorian Literature. ^^
[update]
Why is it that the death of a fictional character seems so real? I feel like I'm going into mourning and from a character that I thought was annoying and frivolous. I feel bad for thinking that way and this character has died every time someone has picked up the book and read this part!
Books are beautiful, powerful things. The human imagination as well, to be able to accept such untruths.
I can't wait to start graduate school.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
I am not myself
I am not surrounded by my friends; I rarely have time to go out. By Saturday, all I want to do is sleep and veg (and do some reading for my classes - go to a cafe with a nice view and immerse myself in that which I love).
So.
Being someone that is influenced by pretty much everything, I am influenced by the people I am around (though I daresay that everyone is, most people don't like to acknowledge that they are.. yet we are products of society or I suppose a different way to look at it is to say that we are the sum parts of that which created us - our background, upbringing, past, moral/immoral/amoral influences, media, etc. Eh. Another discussion for another day).
I suppose I still am me, but I do notice when I pick up on language idiosyncrasies or mannerisms of other people.
For the most part, it doesn't really bother me, but other times, it kind of does.
Bleh. I suppose this is why I want to be surrounded by academics, though I worry that they will be the type who are pedantic. But then again, I suppose if one could draw out the genuine in such people, it wouldn't matter, would it?
In the end, the conclusion that I often come to and try to preach against, is that I am too self-conscious for my own good.
Korea does make me that way, but I am the one that notices it. In trying to ignore it, I simply acknowledge the existence of its presence; I don't address the problem and thus it never goes away.
Aren't adults supposed to be over this by now or does it just get worse?
So.
Being someone that is influenced by pretty much everything, I am influenced by the people I am around (though I daresay that everyone is, most people don't like to acknowledge that they are.. yet we are products of society or I suppose a different way to look at it is to say that we are the sum parts of that which created us - our background, upbringing, past, moral/immoral/amoral influences, media, etc. Eh. Another discussion for another day).
I suppose I still am me, but I do notice when I pick up on language idiosyncrasies or mannerisms of other people.
For the most part, it doesn't really bother me, but other times, it kind of does.
Bleh. I suppose this is why I want to be surrounded by academics, though I worry that they will be the type who are pedantic. But then again, I suppose if one could draw out the genuine in such people, it wouldn't matter, would it?
In the end, the conclusion that I often come to and try to preach against, is that I am too self-conscious for my own good.
Korea does make me that way, but I am the one that notices it. In trying to ignore it, I simply acknowledge the existence of its presence; I don't address the problem and thus it never goes away.
Aren't adults supposed to be over this by now or does it just get worse?
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Pushing boundaries
New movements in art are often created because the old becomes hackneyed and new modes of expressions are needed.
It's exactly that, "new modes of expression."
Sometimes, art that deviates from the expected is simply for the sake of deviation. (I say expected, and not the "norm" because I would argue that the norm does not exist as much as we come to have certain expectations of what should be and that becomes the "norm" though this is constantly shifting.)
Other times, art deviates from what is expected because the old stops being able to express the feelings, thoughts, and emotions that exist.
This is why sometimes I feel like language is so limiting. The ineffable becomes pigeonholed into the words that are inadequate to express the truth behind what exists.
I disagree with Saussure on this point, I think. He claims that things do not exist until they are articulated. I argue that because we cannot articulate certain things, create a different language in music and art to express what words cannot.
It's exactly that, "new modes of expression."
Sometimes, art that deviates from the expected is simply for the sake of deviation. (I say expected, and not the "norm" because I would argue that the norm does not exist as much as we come to have certain expectations of what should be and that becomes the "norm" though this is constantly shifting.)
Other times, art deviates from what is expected because the old stops being able to express the feelings, thoughts, and emotions that exist.
This is why sometimes I feel like language is so limiting. The ineffable becomes pigeonholed into the words that are inadequate to express the truth behind what exists.
I disagree with Saussure on this point, I think. He claims that things do not exist until they are articulated. I argue that because we cannot articulate certain things, create a different language in music and art to express what words cannot.
Confirmation
I always think it's cool when grass-roots movements are followed up in studies and the like.
I had quite passionately written about how porn can be problematic in relation to sex trafficking and although this is not directly related, look! A study that supports the idea that porn is a problem. I mean I mentioned in that post as well but I hadn't seen the references myself, so actually seeing an article was heartening to say the least.
And of course I wasted like an hour trying to find the dang post to link it... I read through all my other posts and I think I need to learn to be less wordy. Some of the wordplay is interesting, while others, crap.
I had quite passionately written about how porn can be problematic in relation to sex trafficking and although this is not directly related, look! A study that supports the idea that porn is a problem. I mean I mentioned in that post as well but I hadn't seen the references myself, so actually seeing an article was heartening to say the least.
And of course I wasted like an hour trying to find the dang post to link it... I read through all my other posts and I think I need to learn to be less wordy. Some of the wordplay is interesting, while others, crap.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
I need to write more
academic papers, that is.
I find them to be uncomfortable because there has to be some kind of logical order to it. It takes a while for me to come up with these blog posts (well, sometimes) and to have to come up with an articulate, logically ordered paper, I find it harder to write.
I like this kind of writing but I suppose I don't mind academic writing either. I'm minding it less, which is a sign that I'm *hopefully* getting more acclimated to it.
Eh. This was a useless post.
I find them to be uncomfortable because there has to be some kind of logical order to it. It takes a while for me to come up with these blog posts (well, sometimes) and to have to come up with an articulate, logically ordered paper, I find it harder to write.
I like this kind of writing but I suppose I don't mind academic writing either. I'm minding it less, which is a sign that I'm *hopefully* getting more acclimated to it.
Eh. This was a useless post.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Options are dangerous
People think that options are awesome. One can choose to put in ketchup into their burger, one can choose the drink to go with one's meal, one can choose one's future career path, one can choose to be in that relationship, one can choose to do many, many things. In all of this, one cannot forget that one always has the option not to.
Options are dangerous. They give one the illusion that one is somehow in control, when all it does is give one the idea that it's okay to quit. When suddenly, there's the option of not doing something, one is setting oneself up for failure. With prosperity comes choices, with choices comes ennui, with ennui comes paralysis. Well, I suppose it isn't as simple as that, but I see it far more often than should be.
I read an article about being efficient and about being motivated and basically it comes down to, shut up, suck it up, stop complaining, and just do it. Why that's become so hard for many people is because they think they have the option of not doing it and so in their inaction, they choose not to. They drag out the inevitable and are unable to move forward.
Perhaps I'm just talking about myself.
Any at rate, if you had a choice to go to class at 8 in the morning to learn something enriching and to grow as an individual, or sleep an extra hour and go to lunch with friends and in general laze around all day, the very idea that going to class is an option suddenly allows for you to sleep in with this attitude of the gross misinterpretation of carpe diem and we briefly enjoy that hour of sleep (only, of course, to regret missing class and the learning that took place because of the extra studying required to understand a concept that could have been easily learned during class).
Basically, it comes down to thinking that we have the willpower to do things that we really don't have the willpower to do and having that illusion of an option just makes it easier to give up.
Now, does that mean that I believe in taking things to the extreme and saying that we should get rid of all free will or all options so that we become automatons that merely follow the will of whatever culture we're thrown into?
Of course not.
I'm just saying that certain things shouldn't be seen as an option. It makes the difference, in my opinion, between success and failure.
Btw, I'm pretty sure I was influenced by this article in writing this particular post. ^^
Options are dangerous. They give one the illusion that one is somehow in control, when all it does is give one the idea that it's okay to quit. When suddenly, there's the option of not doing something, one is setting oneself up for failure. With prosperity comes choices, with choices comes ennui, with ennui comes paralysis. Well, I suppose it isn't as simple as that, but I see it far more often than should be.
I read an article about being efficient and about being motivated and basically it comes down to, shut up, suck it up, stop complaining, and just do it. Why that's become so hard for many people is because they think they have the option of not doing it and so in their inaction, they choose not to. They drag out the inevitable and are unable to move forward.
Perhaps I'm just talking about myself.
Any at rate, if you had a choice to go to class at 8 in the morning to learn something enriching and to grow as an individual, or sleep an extra hour and go to lunch with friends and in general laze around all day, the very idea that going to class is an option suddenly allows for you to sleep in with this attitude of the gross misinterpretation of carpe diem and we briefly enjoy that hour of sleep (only, of course, to regret missing class and the learning that took place because of the extra studying required to understand a concept that could have been easily learned during class).
Basically, it comes down to thinking that we have the willpower to do things that we really don't have the willpower to do and having that illusion of an option just makes it easier to give up.
Now, does that mean that I believe in taking things to the extreme and saying that we should get rid of all free will or all options so that we become automatons that merely follow the will of whatever culture we're thrown into?
Of course not.
I'm just saying that certain things shouldn't be seen as an option. It makes the difference, in my opinion, between success and failure.
Btw, I'm pretty sure I was influenced by this article in writing this particular post. ^^
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Why I like anime
Aside from the obvious, such as interesting plots, engaging characters, realities that can only be depicted through that medium (at least for the time being), and themes that either inspire or teach (or let me veg for 20 minutes), I like anime for its nuggets. I call good quotes nuggets because they're like little nuggets of gold that you mine out of the continuum of the dialogue or plot.
Anyway, here are some of the nuggets I found:
"I like any book that makes me feel like I'm in a sea. Swallowing in knowledge and emotion and everything else. Endlessly expanding but somehow different from reality." - Black Lagoon, episode 20
"If there's no meaning to something that'll eventually be lost, then there's no meaning to your life either, right? Whether it's because of time, illness, or the blade, your life will eventually be taken. Then, will you take your life now?" - Pumpkin Scissors, episode 19
Anime (and any media, really) seems to have the ability to impart such things but it depends on whether or not the creator wanted to. Anime has a lot of them; so do books. This is why I enjoy them.
Anyway, here are some of the nuggets I found:
"I like any book that makes me feel like I'm in a sea. Swallowing in knowledge and emotion and everything else. Endlessly expanding but somehow different from reality." - Black Lagoon, episode 20
"If there's no meaning to something that'll eventually be lost, then there's no meaning to your life either, right? Whether it's because of time, illness, or the blade, your life will eventually be taken. Then, will you take your life now?" - Pumpkin Scissors, episode 19
Anime (and any media, really) seems to have the ability to impart such things but it depends on whether or not the creator wanted to. Anime has a lot of them; so do books. This is why I enjoy them.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Random but useless factoid
Did you know that the Tetris pieces are combination of four squares arranged to make the different tetrominos? And apparently, that's an actual word - tetramino - I wiki'd it. Hehe.
I just realized, that's probably where the name Tetris came from, huh?
Oh the little things in life...
I just realized, that's probably where the name Tetris came from, huh?
Oh the little things in life...
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Why grammar is important
It pretty much boils down to whether or not you're articulate. In order to be so, one must have knowledge of grammar and its structures to properly express what one is trying to say.
For some reason, if the grammar is off or there are many typos, I start to question the authority of the writer. When reading anything, when a person does not care enough to look into his or her writing, I question how serious they are because they can't even get the basic writing part down.
I just can't take the writing seriously and as a result, seriously undermine the worthiness of the information I am looking at.
I wonder if this, too, is a type of prejudice.
[edit]
Though ironically, when I go back and read some of my old posts, I realize how much I suck at grammar too. -_-;; Perhaps rather than a prejudice, in my case, this is a kind of hypocrisy.....
For some reason, if the grammar is off or there are many typos, I start to question the authority of the writer. When reading anything, when a person does not care enough to look into his or her writing, I question how serious they are because they can't even get the basic writing part down.
I just can't take the writing seriously and as a result, seriously undermine the worthiness of the information I am looking at.
I wonder if this, too, is a type of prejudice.
[edit]
Though ironically, when I go back and read some of my old posts, I realize how much I suck at grammar too. -_-;; Perhaps rather than a prejudice, in my case, this is a kind of hypocrisy.....
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
It's always the little things
Why is it that as of late, what bothers me and gives me cause to write are people?
It makes me feel superficial. :/
Anyway, I'm taking two online classes. For the most part, I like the discussion and the people I'm taking the class with seem to be interesting (though diverse, which adds another dimension to the discussion in a good way).
It's only the third week of classes, but there's one person that kind of annoys me.
I'm not sure if it's because I complete disagreed with one of her posts but the more I read what she writes, the more she feels unintelligent to me. I'm trying to step out of this way of thinking but my goodness, she cannot type (perhaps it's the grammar or lack thereof?). It adds to the sense that she's either very young, or simply kind of dumb.
And yes, I'm being intelligent-ist (or whatever) and in many ways, I'm discriminating against this individual because I feel like she is unintelligent and thus, has little to contribute to the discussions but I think I'm giving her too little credit.
It's just that she sucks at articulating what she's trying to say.
And perhaps it's because I didn't agree with what she said about my post and I felt like she did it in a poor way and maybe I'm somehow subconsciously offended at that.
Who knows?
Hopefully, I'll be able to get out of this kind of thinking so that I can be more accepting of all types of people and their viewpoints.
It makes me feel superficial. :/
Anyway, I'm taking two online classes. For the most part, I like the discussion and the people I'm taking the class with seem to be interesting (though diverse, which adds another dimension to the discussion in a good way).
It's only the third week of classes, but there's one person that kind of annoys me.
I'm not sure if it's because I complete disagreed with one of her posts but the more I read what she writes, the more she feels unintelligent to me. I'm trying to step out of this way of thinking but my goodness, she cannot type (perhaps it's the grammar or lack thereof?). It adds to the sense that she's either very young, or simply kind of dumb.
And yes, I'm being intelligent-ist (or whatever) and in many ways, I'm discriminating against this individual because I feel like she is unintelligent and thus, has little to contribute to the discussions but I think I'm giving her too little credit.
It's just that she sucks at articulating what she's trying to say.
And perhaps it's because I didn't agree with what she said about my post and I felt like she did it in a poor way and maybe I'm somehow subconsciously offended at that.
Who knows?
Hopefully, I'll be able to get out of this kind of thinking so that I can be more accepting of all types of people and their viewpoints.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Storytelling
I just watched a video (I honestly wonder how I stumble across these sometimes - mainly it's just stuff people post on fb..) about storytelling and how everyone is telling a story, whether they realize it or not (well, he might not have said that, but that's what I got out of it).
I realized that my blog posts are very much like that. I only share what I think is interesting (not really to my readers because I think I have, like one reader, if I'm lucky (hi A! *waves*)) but I suppose what is interesting to me.
I feel like my thoughts meander - the way I present my ideas are interrupted by other thoughts but somehow I try to maintain coherency (though I have lost coherency before and had to go back and had to fix some posts - though I think it's been rare that I've had to do any heavy editing, in which case, I note it).
Anyway, going back to what I post, I find that sometimes, I'll post out of boredom to let my reader know that I'm bored, but usually it's just thought projects that I want to write out because more often than not, I write them down, forget them, and then return to them. Sadly, if it was some kind of self-revelation, I return to such epiphany (which feels as such because I've completely forgotten that I've even had any kind of realization to begin with), as a dog returns to its vomit.
"Oh, that's right, I need to change..."
"I wanted to become ... kind of person."
"When these things happen, I should...."
Again, when these things happen, I wonder if I'm just denying my core self but I just think that it is in part laziness.
One thing I thought was interesting was that my brother (now also a dad) mentioned that having children force you to look at yourself and change because children are mirrors - they mimic and you become aware of some things about yourself that you would previously never have been aware of.
I suppose this could have something to do with the whole memory thing and one could probably go into a discussion about cognitive load and psychology and all sorts of fun stuff, but that "one" is not me.
The other thought project that I had today related to storytelling was this:
Stories swim in my head. Before I have a chance to catch them, they disappear, as if they never existed.
I like how it sounds without explaining it so I'm not going to. It's got this weird fluffy romanticism to it and I'd rather not break the spell.
I realized that my blog posts are very much like that. I only share what I think is interesting (not really to my readers because I think I have, like one reader, if I'm lucky (hi A! *waves*)) but I suppose what is interesting to me.
I feel like my thoughts meander - the way I present my ideas are interrupted by other thoughts but somehow I try to maintain coherency (though I have lost coherency before and had to go back and had to fix some posts - though I think it's been rare that I've had to do any heavy editing, in which case, I note it).
Anyway, going back to what I post, I find that sometimes, I'll post out of boredom to let my reader know that I'm bored, but usually it's just thought projects that I want to write out because more often than not, I write them down, forget them, and then return to them. Sadly, if it was some kind of self-revelation, I return to such epiphany (which feels as such because I've completely forgotten that I've even had any kind of realization to begin with), as a dog returns to its vomit.
"Oh, that's right, I need to change..."
"I wanted to become ... kind of person."
"When these things happen, I should...."
Again, when these things happen, I wonder if I'm just denying my core self but I just think that it is in part laziness.
One thing I thought was interesting was that my brother (now also a dad) mentioned that having children force you to look at yourself and change because children are mirrors - they mimic and you become aware of some things about yourself that you would previously never have been aware of.
I suppose this could have something to do with the whole memory thing and one could probably go into a discussion about cognitive load and psychology and all sorts of fun stuff, but that "one" is not me.
The other thought project that I had today related to storytelling was this:
Stories swim in my head. Before I have a chance to catch them, they disappear, as if they never existed.
I like how it sounds without explaining it so I'm not going to. It's got this weird fluffy romanticism to it and I'd rather not break the spell.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Words written on one's heart
I feel like there are things in everyone's hearts - souls, if you will - that we all want to express. Sometimes there are people who know it and try to express it. Others simply ignore it.
I don't know how to explain it really, but when you meet someone whose heart language is similar to you, there is resonance. I don't mean something as simple or frivolous as love (well, not to minimize love, but sometimes that's the only time people acknowledge such deep connections and this is not the case). I want to call this resonance a connection of sorts.
People often chalked it up to similarities in background, upbringing, worldviews, moral stances, hobbies, etc. I want to disagree because this resonance seems to have depth. It's those moments when you meet someone and you just know you'll get along with them. Or that you'll be friends. Other times, it is through experience that you realize that this was someone you could've been good friends with, had circumstance been different.
There are things that get in the way of this resonance - the very things that people claim it is - upbringing, differences in opinion on the small matters, simply being on opposing sides of an argument, ways of operating, etc. I suppose another way of looking at it is that on a deeper level, people can connect, but other factors get in the way.
Sometimes, I feel like this generation has this desire to write - is it because of the field I'm in or does everyone and their moms want to write a book? Apparently this generation has this false sense that everything creative that comes out of it is made of gold, even if it's shit (so gold shit). I like to think that this means that this generation simply listens to the words written on its heart and tries to express it. It's a flowery way of looking at it, but sometimes there are things going on in the mind, things going on in the heart, feelings swimming around the body that need expression but words fail to be adequate.
People usually associate this kind of thinking and the feelings of limitation with artists but I still don't think myself as an artist. If I am an artist, so is everyone and their moms (again). I like to think that I'm just like everyone else, but I simply choose to think about these things and try to attune myself to the depth that every person is capable of having.
We marvel at certain things past generations were able to do, but to be quite honest, I don't think it's all that spectacular. If a generation is permeated with certain kinds of thinking or certain types of art forms, would not the generation reflect it, and from that, wouldn't certain people emerge as geniuses of that art form? We could have graphic design, computer graphic, gaming geniuses precisely because that is what our generation is surrounded by, could we not?
All this because I wanted to talk about Bentham but it turned into something else. We're so obsessed with loss and waste when sometimes, those very things are necessary for someone, or a generation, to learn. It sucks for the individual, but is not the lot one is given in life just that? A lot in life - some have it better, others do not. From that, isn't what one does with it and how one lives one's life that makes the difference? Basically, why decry something that cannot be changed - rather, take what one has and do what one can with it, right? If society can "equalize" things, great - but talent/energy/resources lost because society has not yet come up with a way to do so is foolish. This is why societies, people, and organizations evolve (well, this is the hope, anyway). Eh. There is background to this but at this point, I don't want to get into it.
I don't know how to explain it really, but when you meet someone whose heart language is similar to you, there is resonance. I don't mean something as simple or frivolous as love (well, not to minimize love, but sometimes that's the only time people acknowledge such deep connections and this is not the case). I want to call this resonance a connection of sorts.
People often chalked it up to similarities in background, upbringing, worldviews, moral stances, hobbies, etc. I want to disagree because this resonance seems to have depth. It's those moments when you meet someone and you just know you'll get along with them. Or that you'll be friends. Other times, it is through experience that you realize that this was someone you could've been good friends with, had circumstance been different.
There are things that get in the way of this resonance - the very things that people claim it is - upbringing, differences in opinion on the small matters, simply being on opposing sides of an argument, ways of operating, etc. I suppose another way of looking at it is that on a deeper level, people can connect, but other factors get in the way.
Sometimes, I feel like this generation has this desire to write - is it because of the field I'm in or does everyone and their moms want to write a book? Apparently this generation has this false sense that everything creative that comes out of it is made of gold, even if it's shit (so gold shit). I like to think that this means that this generation simply listens to the words written on its heart and tries to express it. It's a flowery way of looking at it, but sometimes there are things going on in the mind, things going on in the heart, feelings swimming around the body that need expression but words fail to be adequate.
People usually associate this kind of thinking and the feelings of limitation with artists but I still don't think myself as an artist. If I am an artist, so is everyone and their moms (again). I like to think that I'm just like everyone else, but I simply choose to think about these things and try to attune myself to the depth that every person is capable of having.
We marvel at certain things past generations were able to do, but to be quite honest, I don't think it's all that spectacular. If a generation is permeated with certain kinds of thinking or certain types of art forms, would not the generation reflect it, and from that, wouldn't certain people emerge as geniuses of that art form? We could have graphic design, computer graphic, gaming geniuses precisely because that is what our generation is surrounded by, could we not?
All this because I wanted to talk about Bentham but it turned into something else. We're so obsessed with loss and waste when sometimes, those very things are necessary for someone, or a generation, to learn. It sucks for the individual, but is not the lot one is given in life just that? A lot in life - some have it better, others do not. From that, isn't what one does with it and how one lives one's life that makes the difference? Basically, why decry something that cannot be changed - rather, take what one has and do what one can with it, right? If society can "equalize" things, great - but talent/energy/resources lost because society has not yet come up with a way to do so is foolish. This is why societies, people, and organizations evolve (well, this is the hope, anyway). Eh. There is background to this but at this point, I don't want to get into it.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Healthy Living
I realize that people in my age group - that is in their 20s and 30s take youth for granted. We are used to being young and we are used to thinking that things will happen easily in terms of recovery and metabolism.
We complain when this does not happen and when things (i.e. our bodies) start breaking down, we cry age! and continue with our unhealthy lifestyles.
Lately, I've been told that I look a lot younger than I am. A lot of people are shocked to find that I am nearly in my 30s and I've come to realize that the "solution" to looking/feeling young is what everyone says one should do but no one actually believes or follows. (Okay, I'm being extreme but I'm guilty of this type of thinking so bear with me)
Eat healthy, sleep well, and exercise.
It's always the same conclusion, but because so many people find it somewhat disagreeable as one must come to terms with the fact that one must change their lifestyle, they try to find another easier solution. It's like that with many things in life, isn't it?
So before I left Korea, I wasn't all that healthy in that I ate okay (it's easier to eat healthy in Korea so I wasn't eating crap as I would be if I got comfortable with my eating habits in the States), I didn't really work out, and I slept more or less okay. Because I wasn't working in an office (the beauties of freelancing allowed this), I was able to control a lot of things that would normally adversely affect my health.
When I moved back to the States, I started eating really healthy (thank you Trader Joe's for affordable, healthy eating :)), I started to exercise regularly, and as a student with an incredibly flexible schedule, I started to sleep more.
Fast forward about 2 years and I'm back in Korea. Everyone here (so I can't call the "Asians-look-young" card) tells me that I look like I'm in my early 20s or even younger (I've gotten as young as high school graduate, but I attribute that to several other factors). Of course it's a compliment and I feel awesome because that means that I'm doing something right in the way I live.
I showed my students a picture of me from a couple years ago and they said that I looked older in the picture and they were pretty much thinking, "What happened?" Being in Korea, I wouldn't be surprised if they thought that there was plastic surgery in the picture but it really goes back to the basics of survival (again it seems extreme to call it that, but I think there's truth to it):
Eat healthy, sleep well, and exercise.
We complain when this does not happen and when things (i.e. our bodies) start breaking down, we cry age! and continue with our unhealthy lifestyles.
Lately, I've been told that I look a lot younger than I am. A lot of people are shocked to find that I am nearly in my 30s and I've come to realize that the "solution" to looking/feeling young is what everyone says one should do but no one actually believes or follows. (Okay, I'm being extreme but I'm guilty of this type of thinking so bear with me)
Eat healthy, sleep well, and exercise.
It's always the same conclusion, but because so many people find it somewhat disagreeable as one must come to terms with the fact that one must change their lifestyle, they try to find another easier solution. It's like that with many things in life, isn't it?
So before I left Korea, I wasn't all that healthy in that I ate okay (it's easier to eat healthy in Korea so I wasn't eating crap as I would be if I got comfortable with my eating habits in the States), I didn't really work out, and I slept more or less okay. Because I wasn't working in an office (the beauties of freelancing allowed this), I was able to control a lot of things that would normally adversely affect my health.
When I moved back to the States, I started eating really healthy (thank you Trader Joe's for affordable, healthy eating :)), I started to exercise regularly, and as a student with an incredibly flexible schedule, I started to sleep more.
Fast forward about 2 years and I'm back in Korea. Everyone here (so I can't call the "Asians-look-young" card) tells me that I look like I'm in my early 20s or even younger (I've gotten as young as high school graduate, but I attribute that to several other factors). Of course it's a compliment and I feel awesome because that means that I'm doing something right in the way I live.
I showed my students a picture of me from a couple years ago and they said that I looked older in the picture and they were pretty much thinking, "What happened?" Being in Korea, I wouldn't be surprised if they thought that there was plastic surgery in the picture but it really goes back to the basics of survival (again it seems extreme to call it that, but I think there's truth to it):
Eat healthy, sleep well, and exercise.
Eating healthy. I mean if you don't eat healthy, you're slowly poisoning your body. I can't say I'm 100% healthy and good at watching what I eat but when you change your perspective, you come to realize that perhaps eating healthy is a better choice. The counterargument may go along the lines of "but it's so good!" or "I'm decreasing the quality of my life" but that argument only works if you're talking about the present. Smoking (for smokers), impulse buys, and anything that give a person that instant gratification has the same kind of reasoning behind it but the regret that comes with it later just doesn't seem worth it. Eh. I'm still guilty of wanting instant gratification and fulfilling such desires so it's something that I understand more in theory than in practice.
Sleeping well. Seriously, this is so underrated because it feels like a waste of time. When I was trying to use a lot more of my brain for doing things I wasn't used to (i.e. trying to get back into studying after working for 5 years), I got sleepier a lot faster. This wasn't because I was bored of the material I was studying. I actually immensely enjoyed it, but I would find myself dozing every 15 minutes or so because there was a lot to process. A quick nap would allow me to feel refreshed and ready to process the new material. As I continued studying, the time I was able to process such things got longer, which means my brain was getting used to studying again.
There was a new study that came out about sleep (I found two articles on the same study that give an interesting slant on them here and here) that show that we get rid of a lot of cognitive waste when we sleep. Apparently it's too early to say that that is the sole function of sleeping but it is at least a part of why we need to sleep. I mean there are a lot of studies out there than prove that sleep is important but we still downplay it because we need to get more things done in a day than we have time for (though, I start to wonder, why is that the case?).
Exercise. Another obvious one. Duh. I'm not even going to bother getting into this one except that everyone (myself included) needs to get off our collective lazy asses and start exercising.
I feel myself deteriorating because I've been eating less healthy and exercising less. And as an "older" 20-something, I feel myself deteriorating faster because my metabolism is slower and my body doesn't do the same things it did when I was a teenager. Thankfully though, years that I've spent working out and eating healthy (in my own way since I can't say I really eat healthy) as allowed me some leeway and I don't look or feel as old as some people my age.
There are other factors though - I don't dress, act, or live my age. Most people my age are working and I'm still freelancing (yes, it's a form of work, but it's not the norm, at least for now) and they are forced to dress as adults. I can still get away with hoodies and tshirts. I think because I look younger, I tend to act younger without realizing it.
Anyway, these are some factors that contribute to my looking-young thing, I think.
Perhaps this is just a post about how awesome it is because I look younger than my age but I honestly feel like lifestyle is a huge contributing factor to this. I'm just sayin'.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Literature
"universality"
"meaning to the human experience"
I think one question that I wrestle with the most is the point or purpose to literature. This by extension becomes a question of the importance of my own choice to pursue the study of literature as a career.
It's interesting because it seems that those in the field have no problem addressing this question with the implicit "of course this is important" through the very act of publishing papers that are published or through the pouring of hours into the research of various seemingly unimportant topics.
My very language betrays me. "Unimportant."
This is where I worry that what I am doing may not contain enough meaning for me to dive into it. I'm trying to reconcile what I enjoy doing with finding something that has meaning.
Just because you enjoy it doesn't mean it has meaning. I enjoy watching anime, playing Tetris Battle, and cooking. Of the three, two have no meaning - they will not enhance my life in any way, they will not make me a better person, influence my being, or add to my character.
Okay, well I think anime does a little of that because media has its influences but playing Tetris Battle only succeeds in teaching me how to order my life when they are organized by shapes that are a variation of a placement of 4 squares.
"Enjoying something unproductive is useless."
This is the philosophy I've been taught and something that I'm fighting against because unfortunately reading and literature have both fallen into the "useless" category. This is in part familial - my dad's mantra has always been "activity with productivity" because in order to survive, one must be productive. Both reading and writing are not productive in the sense that they do not create money in the immediate sense (there is no career in this - though ironically, my dad as always encouraged the whole family to read). This line of thinking is also societal because of the push towards math and science. The general attitude (from where, I wonder?) is that there is no money to be made in humanities and that they have no value.
And yet.
There's always the "and yet."
When I am doing my readings, I disappear into a different world that I am exploring and time too disappears.
As I explore this field, I see the importance of literature and its effects. The philosophies (literary theories, if you will), filter down from the academics to the students. Students who care to learn and participate in class pick up on such ways of thinking, and then the ideas start to spread. And example is the hyperreal, though rarely called by its name, that is manifested in our lives; we see it, comment on it, and continue with it or fight against it.
Literature can change and has changed the world but perhaps its effects have been too subtle for us to give it any credit.
"meaning to the human experience"
I think one question that I wrestle with the most is the point or purpose to literature. This by extension becomes a question of the importance of my own choice to pursue the study of literature as a career.
It's interesting because it seems that those in the field have no problem addressing this question with the implicit "of course this is important" through the very act of publishing papers that are published or through the pouring of hours into the research of various seemingly unimportant topics.
My very language betrays me. "Unimportant."
This is where I worry that what I am doing may not contain enough meaning for me to dive into it. I'm trying to reconcile what I enjoy doing with finding something that has meaning.
Just because you enjoy it doesn't mean it has meaning. I enjoy watching anime, playing Tetris Battle, and cooking. Of the three, two have no meaning - they will not enhance my life in any way, they will not make me a better person, influence my being, or add to my character.
Okay, well I think anime does a little of that because media has its influences but playing Tetris Battle only succeeds in teaching me how to order my life when they are organized by shapes that are a variation of a placement of 4 squares.
"Enjoying something unproductive is useless."
This is the philosophy I've been taught and something that I'm fighting against because unfortunately reading and literature have both fallen into the "useless" category. This is in part familial - my dad's mantra has always been "activity with productivity" because in order to survive, one must be productive. Both reading and writing are not productive in the sense that they do not create money in the immediate sense (there is no career in this - though ironically, my dad as always encouraged the whole family to read). This line of thinking is also societal because of the push towards math and science. The general attitude (from where, I wonder?) is that there is no money to be made in humanities and that they have no value.
And yet.
There's always the "and yet."
When I am doing my readings, I disappear into a different world that I am exploring and time too disappears.
As I explore this field, I see the importance of literature and its effects. The philosophies (literary theories, if you will), filter down from the academics to the students. Students who care to learn and participate in class pick up on such ways of thinking, and then the ideas start to spread. And example is the hyperreal, though rarely called by its name, that is manifested in our lives; we see it, comment on it, and continue with it or fight against it.
Literature can change and has changed the world but perhaps its effects have been too subtle for us to give it any credit.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
My World, Our World
Our own culture, or world, in a way, can only exist in the mind.
So I suppose this is some kind of weird fusion of my post about the imagination and culture, but I re-read my post on culture and I realized that the true norm of one's culture to oneself can only exist in one's head because we are constantly affirmed or rejected by those around us in how we do things, how we approach things, and how we think. This means that what seems good and right, or perhaps what would be considered the norm, exists only within the mind and it is only there that the imagination plays a role in creating the "perfect" where we are always right and always good and always normal or accepted by everyone around us.
By stepping out of the mind and interacting with others, this sense of self is re-structured or shifted based on what their own "normal" compass is and again, through an averaging of such "normalizing" behaviors, culture is born.
Though in saying this, I'm repeating what I said in the culture post so I'll stop there.
The mind really is a powerful thing.
And the whole relativity thing I think is incredibly post-structuralist. I really don't like how I fall into that category of literary theory because it makes it harder for me to feel like an individual (though I suppose that's support for another theory (Marxists?) because they don't believe that we have that individuality but are simply created from society - I'm probably oversimplifying it horribly but it's pretty much along those lines).
So I suppose this is some kind of weird fusion of my post about the imagination and culture, but I re-read my post on culture and I realized that the true norm of one's culture to oneself can only exist in one's head because we are constantly affirmed or rejected by those around us in how we do things, how we approach things, and how we think. This means that what seems good and right, or perhaps what would be considered the norm, exists only within the mind and it is only there that the imagination plays a role in creating the "perfect" where we are always right and always good and always normal or accepted by everyone around us.
By stepping out of the mind and interacting with others, this sense of self is re-structured or shifted based on what their own "normal" compass is and again, through an averaging of such "normalizing" behaviors, culture is born.
Though in saying this, I'm repeating what I said in the culture post so I'll stop there.
The mind really is a powerful thing.
And the whole relativity thing I think is incredibly post-structuralist. I really don't like how I fall into that category of literary theory because it makes it harder for me to feel like an individual (though I suppose that's support for another theory (Marxists?) because they don't believe that we have that individuality but are simply created from society - I'm probably oversimplifying it horribly but it's pretty much along those lines).
Emotions
My theory on emotion has been proven!
Actually, I don't think it was my theory - it was probably something I read somewhere or had gotten influenced by and now have been trying (sometimes unsuccessfully) to live out. Anyway, it's from a TED talk by Brene Brown from here.
Or you can watch it here:
So this had other good nuggets and I feel like I could probably relate this to Christianity it some way (apparently doing that has a name - I forget what it is though..) but it resonates pretty strongly with Christian ideology.
Anyway, this is what I got out of the lecture that aligned with what I had been thinking about with emotion/hardship/suffering and the like:
The greater the pain, the greater the joy. The greater the emotion, the more depth you feel in life, the more you realize the humanity in others and the less you can hate, blame, or reject a person (and perhaps yourself as well).
I feel like I still don't have the answers to how exactly to treat people (and I don't think there's a singular answer for dealing with people, though one can try to formulate various techniques and/or approaches based on theory and observation). And I still have issues living it out when hard-to-answer problems occur but it's interesting that one thing the talk said was that - you can't turn off the emotions because those problems exist. You can't just shut out the hurt, pain, anger, etc. because other emotions will go too, such as joy, happiness and the like. I think one thing to keep in mind is that bad things pass and that through such deeply hurtful or painful experiences, one (usually) becomes stronger and has a deeper understanding of what life is about and of others' experiences.
The depth in experience and emotion I think stems from a lot of this kind of thinking because if one just dwells on and remembers the painful, that means that there was no personal growth or learning.
Anyway, the difficulty of saying such seemingly encouraging things is that if someone is going through something incredibly painful or through a lot of suffering, they'll probably want to slap the person saying such things because it minimizes the the depth of hurt/pain/suffering. I mean you can't tell a person that things will get better if they feel like they're surrounded by darkness. And it's a little presumptuous to say because no one can predict the future. It's not only cliche, it shows a lack of understanding of that person's emotions.
This is why I feel like I still have difficulty truly living out a life of vulnerability and by extension, compassion.
I don't want to say that I'm one of those "wholehearted" people because I feel like I'm bragging and I know that I have my own set of personal issues but I like to think that I'm working towards those qualities so that I can have that sense not only of worthiness but by extension a deeper sense of joy and contentment.
I don't know though. I do have this thing with the whole "depth of experience." But what does that mean really?
To experience something and truly be there and be able to feel and absorb the experience for what it is - knowing that something good is happening and being able to appreciate it at the time for what it is, or to relish in the joy of the moment, the sadness of the moment, etc. I suppose it has to do with living in the moment - the ridiculously overused "carpe diem" type thing but would that be depth?
Well, this one needs more chewing, I think. I tried to explain it to my cousin and failed miserably, which means that I don't know what I'm talking about (or thinking about) when it comes to having depth in one's life.
Actually, I don't think it was my theory - it was probably something I read somewhere or had gotten influenced by and now have been trying (sometimes unsuccessfully) to live out. Anyway, it's from a TED talk by Brene Brown from here.
Or you can watch it here:
So this had other good nuggets and I feel like I could probably relate this to Christianity it some way (apparently doing that has a name - I forget what it is though..) but it resonates pretty strongly with Christian ideology.
Anyway, this is what I got out of the lecture that aligned with what I had been thinking about with emotion/hardship/suffering and the like:
The greater the pain, the greater the joy. The greater the emotion, the more depth you feel in life, the more you realize the humanity in others and the less you can hate, blame, or reject a person (and perhaps yourself as well).
I feel like I still don't have the answers to how exactly to treat people (and I don't think there's a singular answer for dealing with people, though one can try to formulate various techniques and/or approaches based on theory and observation). And I still have issues living it out when hard-to-answer problems occur but it's interesting that one thing the talk said was that - you can't turn off the emotions because those problems exist. You can't just shut out the hurt, pain, anger, etc. because other emotions will go too, such as joy, happiness and the like. I think one thing to keep in mind is that bad things pass and that through such deeply hurtful or painful experiences, one (usually) becomes stronger and has a deeper understanding of what life is about and of others' experiences.
The depth in experience and emotion I think stems from a lot of this kind of thinking because if one just dwells on and remembers the painful, that means that there was no personal growth or learning.
Anyway, the difficulty of saying such seemingly encouraging things is that if someone is going through something incredibly painful or through a lot of suffering, they'll probably want to slap the person saying such things because it minimizes the the depth of hurt/pain/suffering. I mean you can't tell a person that things will get better if they feel like they're surrounded by darkness. And it's a little presumptuous to say because no one can predict the future. It's not only cliche, it shows a lack of understanding of that person's emotions.
This is why I feel like I still have difficulty truly living out a life of vulnerability and by extension, compassion.
I don't want to say that I'm one of those "wholehearted" people because I feel like I'm bragging and I know that I have my own set of personal issues but I like to think that I'm working towards those qualities so that I can have that sense not only of worthiness but by extension a deeper sense of joy and contentment.
I don't know though. I do have this thing with the whole "depth of experience." But what does that mean really?
To experience something and truly be there and be able to feel and absorb the experience for what it is - knowing that something good is happening and being able to appreciate it at the time for what it is, or to relish in the joy of the moment, the sadness of the moment, etc. I suppose it has to do with living in the moment - the ridiculously overused "carpe diem" type thing but would that be depth?
Well, this one needs more chewing, I think. I tried to explain it to my cousin and failed miserably, which means that I don't know what I'm talking about (or thinking about) when it comes to having depth in one's life.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Depth
One of my friends (in Korean, she would be my 동생) told me that I have depth. I suppose there's two ways to take this: one is as a compliment and to be thankful that she thinks this of me. The other way is to say that perhaps it doesn't seem like I have depth but upon hearing my thoughts on some things, I (surprisingly) have depth. The reason she had to articulate the compliment is because either I or she did not seem to perceive it and thus it needed to be actualized into words.
To a certain extent, I think it's a little bit of both. Do we not compliment people when we think they don't know such things about themselves, or because they seemed to have forgotten (or act like they've forgotten and we want to encourage and remind them of such things?)? To want to do something nice for the person or to at least give them some kind of encouragement by saying it - I feel like that is what a compliment is.
I don't know. Somehow this segued into work but perhaps I simply wanted to brag about the fact that someone thought I had depth because it's a pretty awesome compliment, imo.
This is the kind of person I've been striving to become and I'm guessing progress in such things in showing. :)
To a certain extent, I think it's a little bit of both. Do we not compliment people when we think they don't know such things about themselves, or because they seemed to have forgotten (or act like they've forgotten and we want to encourage and remind them of such things?)? To want to do something nice for the person or to at least give them some kind of encouragement by saying it - I feel like that is what a compliment is.
I don't know. Somehow this segued into work but perhaps I simply wanted to brag about the fact that someone thought I had depth because it's a pretty awesome compliment, imo.
This is the kind of person I've been striving to become and I'm guessing progress in such things in showing. :)
Monday, January 13, 2014
Emotional
I wonder if it's true that a person gets more emotional as they get older.
I feel like such things can be justified in other ways or at least one can weigh in other factors that can be attributed to such emotional-ness.
I find myself being more emotional as an adult.
Things that didn't bother me before do now. Little things, stupid worries, actions that shouldn't contain as much meaning as I sometimes construe them to have...
All these things were things that I had taught myself to brush aside when I was younger but I feel like stronger waves keeps pushing me away from the shore and there's a pull to stay in the deep ocean of irrationality and the useless holding on to of grudges, past slights, and the like.
I mean seriously, in the end, who cares? It doesn't change, enhance, or better my life in any way, so there's no point in holding onto such things.
There wasn't any one big happening or anything that lead to this though; it's just that little things bother me more now and that in and of itself also bothers me.
Sometimes I wonder if it's because there's more stress as an adult (something I've come to realize I still haven't gotten the knack of managing yet) and with stress, little things begin to beat against an already fragile equilibrium of the mind.
Perhaps I've simply become more high-strung. What a horrible development. This is something that must be remedied quickly because that's the last thing I want to become.
I don't like being serious. Why must adults always be so serious? To be taken seriously? Preposterous, I say! I can be both, yet people have a hard time reconciling such things. Do they not realize that humans are not linear, 2-dimensional, or even 3-dimensional beings? There's so much depth to people that they themselves sometimes don't realize they have...
I don't like having to keep track of people in terms of their personality (I suppose another way to put it is whether or not I should be suspicious of their character). Thankfully, it seems that I've been able to meet and maintain friendships where I don't have to worry about such things. I've found that I have a general almost subconscious aversion to those prone to manipulation and superficiality so I haven't had to deal with too many heartbreaks (from friendships, at least).
I don't like the details that adults have to pay attention to. I suppose this is more to do with one's presentation of oneself. How one dresses, acts, and helps (or doesn't help) others has become a reflection of character or how serious one takes oneself and/or the other party. Dress like a slob and you're being rude. Act inappropriately and suddenly you've ostracized yourself from everyone else. Not helping someone suddenly is a lost connection in networking. In a way, it kind of sounds like what high school was, but isn't high school just the testing ground for how adults now act? I remember reading something about that somewhere... (there's also a song called "High School Never Ends" by Bowling for Soup addressing just that).
It's all become so burdensome. The ideal, of course, is simply to help others for the sake of helping them. The desire stemming not from personal gain, but from a desire to do so (oh, such cliche words..).
I feel like it goes back to why Christians are considered to be such hypocrites - the idea is that in knowing one's faith and how awesome and great God is and in knowing one's salvation, actions simply follow as an outpouring of such feelings. However, because one wants to show that they too have that "outpouring" of feelings, they fake it. Thus the hypocrisy.
What I find interesting about Christianity, is that the experience, though universal (for those who are truly rooted in their faith), must be deeply personal in order for true change to occur. There is a formula for Christianity, it seems. People go through certain situations in life and suddenly are face to face with God and come to accept or reject Him. Those who accept undergo such a dramatic transformation that the very fabric of their lives are changed. (At least I feel like that's the general expectation - and of course I'm making a very large generalization).
However, those that do not undergo such a dramatic change or feeling or what have you are left in the dust and others look at them with the general feeling of "Well, what about you?" So to compensate, they fake it in front of those that they think matter and act as they please otherwise, not knowing the lack of true depth in their faith.
This development is the same in society. First, someone acts out of genuine feeling. Others find that it works and it becomes a formula - a custom, if you will. Thus, courtesies are born.
Such actions, with no truth behind it, create a culture of hypocrisy.
No one wants to show their dark side so the facade of polite courtesy but back-stabbing machinations continue.
I wonder if there's a way to break out of this cycle?
The other solution, as a friend so aptly put it, is to "fake it 'til it's real."
Gah. There are some missing gaps between ideas I feel, but for now, I feel like this will have to suffice.
I feel like such things can be justified in other ways or at least one can weigh in other factors that can be attributed to such emotional-ness.
I find myself being more emotional as an adult.
Things that didn't bother me before do now. Little things, stupid worries, actions that shouldn't contain as much meaning as I sometimes construe them to have...
All these things were things that I had taught myself to brush aside when I was younger but I feel like stronger waves keeps pushing me away from the shore and there's a pull to stay in the deep ocean of irrationality and the useless holding on to of grudges, past slights, and the like.
I mean seriously, in the end, who cares? It doesn't change, enhance, or better my life in any way, so there's no point in holding onto such things.
There wasn't any one big happening or anything that lead to this though; it's just that little things bother me more now and that in and of itself also bothers me.
Sometimes I wonder if it's because there's more stress as an adult (something I've come to realize I still haven't gotten the knack of managing yet) and with stress, little things begin to beat against an already fragile equilibrium of the mind.
Perhaps I've simply become more high-strung. What a horrible development. This is something that must be remedied quickly because that's the last thing I want to become.
I don't like being serious. Why must adults always be so serious? To be taken seriously? Preposterous, I say! I can be both, yet people have a hard time reconciling such things. Do they not realize that humans are not linear, 2-dimensional, or even 3-dimensional beings? There's so much depth to people that they themselves sometimes don't realize they have...
I don't like having to keep track of people in terms of their personality (I suppose another way to put it is whether or not I should be suspicious of their character). Thankfully, it seems that I've been able to meet and maintain friendships where I don't have to worry about such things. I've found that I have a general almost subconscious aversion to those prone to manipulation and superficiality so I haven't had to deal with too many heartbreaks (from friendships, at least).
I don't like the details that adults have to pay attention to. I suppose this is more to do with one's presentation of oneself. How one dresses, acts, and helps (or doesn't help) others has become a reflection of character or how serious one takes oneself and/or the other party. Dress like a slob and you're being rude. Act inappropriately and suddenly you've ostracized yourself from everyone else. Not helping someone suddenly is a lost connection in networking. In a way, it kind of sounds like what high school was, but isn't high school just the testing ground for how adults now act? I remember reading something about that somewhere... (there's also a song called "High School Never Ends" by Bowling for Soup addressing just that).
It's all become so burdensome. The ideal, of course, is simply to help others for the sake of helping them. The desire stemming not from personal gain, but from a desire to do so (oh, such cliche words..).
I feel like it goes back to why Christians are considered to be such hypocrites - the idea is that in knowing one's faith and how awesome and great God is and in knowing one's salvation, actions simply follow as an outpouring of such feelings. However, because one wants to show that they too have that "outpouring" of feelings, they fake it. Thus the hypocrisy.
What I find interesting about Christianity, is that the experience, though universal (for those who are truly rooted in their faith), must be deeply personal in order for true change to occur. There is a formula for Christianity, it seems. People go through certain situations in life and suddenly are face to face with God and come to accept or reject Him. Those who accept undergo such a dramatic transformation that the very fabric of their lives are changed. (At least I feel like that's the general expectation - and of course I'm making a very large generalization).
However, those that do not undergo such a dramatic change or feeling or what have you are left in the dust and others look at them with the general feeling of "Well, what about you?" So to compensate, they fake it in front of those that they think matter and act as they please otherwise, not knowing the lack of true depth in their faith.
This development is the same in society. First, someone acts out of genuine feeling. Others find that it works and it becomes a formula - a custom, if you will. Thus, courtesies are born.
Such actions, with no truth behind it, create a culture of hypocrisy.
No one wants to show their dark side so the facade of polite courtesy but back-stabbing machinations continue.
I wonder if there's a way to break out of this cycle?
The other solution, as a friend so aptly put it, is to "fake it 'til it's real."
Gah. There are some missing gaps between ideas I feel, but for now, I feel like this will have to suffice.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
I have a temper
I don't think I'm as easy-going as I come off. I've heard people tell me that I'm happy-go-lucky, easy-going, free-spirited or to put it in a negative light, that I'm irresponsible and kind of thoughtless (though that's more of a personal realization than anything else).
I realize that each time I decide to let things go or choose to go with the flow. It's a conscious decision and not something that's built into my personality. I think at some point in my life or perhaps at various points (I think it's the latter), I realized that certain things weren't worth holding onto.
I suppose I could trace it to various childhood, adolescent, teen, college, or young adult experiences that led to such changes in personality, but for now, I want to talk about how certain experiences bring out what seems to be the true me.
I have little patience (something else that I've kind of known about myself but recently has become more apparent).
When my patience runs out, I get very very very angry. Perhaps not to the point of seeing red (thankfully no situation has ever occurred for that to happen) but definitely to the point of doing something irrational.
I'm currently in a situation where I'm teaching. One of the students seems to have some form of ADD (even ADHD, maybe - but this is perhaps because I think I have a mild form and I see similar symptoms in him... I could be wrong) as well as some authority issues - not in a bad way, but he doesn't seem to realize that he's undermining authority in a way that will cause chaos in the classroom. "Oh, I can get away with this? Then what about this, this, and this?" And then the whole classroom decides that they don't need to follow the rules. That's the kind of student he is. Yet, you can tell a lot of it is without malice. At least that's the way it seems. I do have to call him out and tell him to chill out, be quiet, stay focused, etc., but he tries with his classwork and I see it.
Today, I completely lost my temper. Had he questioned my authority then, I probably would've gotten up and punched him. That was the first thing that came to mind. Thankfully he didn't question and simply did as I asked because I was ready to not even punch him but probably to beat him up. I suppose I could attribute my anger to hunger or something as simple as stress and a build-up of various factors, but the point is, I got uncontrollably mad.
This is dangerous because this means that I have an uncontrollable temper and it also means that I can get angry to that point. This is also dangerous because I don't know how to handle such anger.
I don't remember the last time I got that angry. I want to say it was in high school for something that I felt was unjust (and thinking about it now, it seems stupid but my expectation was high and the result was unfortunately negative, which caused a more severe action).
Anyway, I really hope it doesn't happen again or that I'm in a place that I am able to diffuse it properly. As it only happens once every 15 years or so, I think I'll be okay. *hopefully* when (if only I could say "if"...) it happens again, I'll be older and wiser (and better able to control my actions). ^^
I realize that each time I decide to let things go or choose to go with the flow. It's a conscious decision and not something that's built into my personality. I think at some point in my life or perhaps at various points (I think it's the latter), I realized that certain things weren't worth holding onto.
I suppose I could trace it to various childhood, adolescent, teen, college, or young adult experiences that led to such changes in personality, but for now, I want to talk about how certain experiences bring out what seems to be the true me.
I have little patience (something else that I've kind of known about myself but recently has become more apparent).
When my patience runs out, I get very very very angry. Perhaps not to the point of seeing red (thankfully no situation has ever occurred for that to happen) but definitely to the point of doing something irrational.
I'm currently in a situation where I'm teaching. One of the students seems to have some form of ADD (even ADHD, maybe - but this is perhaps because I think I have a mild form and I see similar symptoms in him... I could be wrong) as well as some authority issues - not in a bad way, but he doesn't seem to realize that he's undermining authority in a way that will cause chaos in the classroom. "Oh, I can get away with this? Then what about this, this, and this?" And then the whole classroom decides that they don't need to follow the rules. That's the kind of student he is. Yet, you can tell a lot of it is without malice. At least that's the way it seems. I do have to call him out and tell him to chill out, be quiet, stay focused, etc., but he tries with his classwork and I see it.
Today, I completely lost my temper. Had he questioned my authority then, I probably would've gotten up and punched him. That was the first thing that came to mind. Thankfully he didn't question and simply did as I asked because I was ready to not even punch him but probably to beat him up. I suppose I could attribute my anger to hunger or something as simple as stress and a build-up of various factors, but the point is, I got uncontrollably mad.
This is dangerous because this means that I have an uncontrollable temper and it also means that I can get angry to that point. This is also dangerous because I don't know how to handle such anger.
I don't remember the last time I got that angry. I want to say it was in high school for something that I felt was unjust (and thinking about it now, it seems stupid but my expectation was high and the result was unfortunately negative, which caused a more severe action).
Anyway, I really hope it doesn't happen again or that I'm in a place that I am able to diffuse it properly. As it only happens once every 15 years or so, I think I'll be okay. *hopefully* when (if only I could say "if"...) it happens again, I'll be older and wiser (and better able to control my actions). ^^
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Christianity wordplay
The -ion words just seem to flow, sometimes (though upon writing this, the flow will most likely stop - I'm good at doing that to myself it seems; where what I say about myself becomes untrue because I've said it and for some odd reason causes me to stop doing what I say I do..).
I digress.
I was listening to the sermon this Sunday and the phrases started to string themselves along as I listened to the importance of sanctification.
The manifestation of
justification should be in our
sanctification so that there is
connection of our
salvation to our
glorification.
Pretty much, one should act as a Christian if one truly believes in Christ and the salvation associated with such belief so as to show that one is saved. Not for others to see or to look good in front of others, but as an outpouring of the feelings inside as the vertical relationship between God and oneself is strengthened.
What's interesting that the pastor pointed out is that if there is no faith, or belief behind the actions, Christianity because no different from other religions. It is the salvation first, then the actions that follow that makes Christianity different. How can you act as you don't feel?
Yet so many Christians and so-called Christians do this. By acting, there is an unsaid feeling (that has not even become a thought yet) that it will somehow earn points in God's eyes so that one can be saved. This is perhaps the default way of thinking for humans because of how things generally work (the whole tit-for-tat idea).
Anyway, it's interesting to think about because Christians get so much crap for being hypocrites.
I digress.
I was listening to the sermon this Sunday and the phrases started to string themselves along as I listened to the importance of sanctification.
The manifestation of
justification should be in our
sanctification so that there is
connection of our
salvation to our
glorification.
Pretty much, one should act as a Christian if one truly believes in Christ and the salvation associated with such belief so as to show that one is saved. Not for others to see or to look good in front of others, but as an outpouring of the feelings inside as the vertical relationship between God and oneself is strengthened.
What's interesting that the pastor pointed out is that if there is no faith, or belief behind the actions, Christianity because no different from other religions. It is the salvation first, then the actions that follow that makes Christianity different. How can you act as you don't feel?
Yet so many Christians and so-called Christians do this. By acting, there is an unsaid feeling (that has not even become a thought yet) that it will somehow earn points in God's eyes so that one can be saved. This is perhaps the default way of thinking for humans because of how things generally work (the whole tit-for-tat idea).
Anyway, it's interesting to think about because Christians get so much crap for being hypocrites.
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