Every time I blog...

So I didn't know that blogger had this feature where you can check the comments that people wrote in the past. It's a good way to see if anyone commented on your blog without having to go through each individual entry. That's always nice. On the other hand, I also realized that I haven't been responding to any of the comments because I kind of didn't know people responded. (sorry).

At any rate, one thing I realized while working at this company is that if I don't like someone, I don't like them for good. My opinion about them completely changes and it's hard for me to fix that. I can be somewhat civil but I'm almost like a time bomb because most likely than not, something that person does will annoy me and I will turn into a cold bitch. It's really terrible. I never had to work with someone I didn't like (usually I was the irresponsible one so people probably hated me instead ^^;; heh~) so now coming into a company where I've come across several people that I don't really like makes working with them quite difficult. I realized though, that perhaps this is what it means to work with people despite personal feelings and what it means to grow up and all that jazz. I never knew I could be so cold-hearted. It's really kind of scary actually. I feel like it's aging me because I'm no longer the positive, outgoing, nice person that I associated myself to be (I don't mean it in a braggy way as much as I thought that I was pretty positive comparatively to a lot of people and I know I'm outgoing and I always thought I was at least a nice person...... -_-;;). I suppose such is not the case. I'm not used to pretending to be one way when I feel another (i.e. not wanting to work with someone shows all over my face at work). Sadly to say, I feel like it happened with my co-worker (who incidentally pretty much got fired) and I feel like to a certain extent it's happening with me and my boss.

I don't hate him or anything like that but I definitely feel like he's pretty irresponsible as a manager and he doesn't know how to schedule/plan. I mean in the end, you work with what you have and I definitely have a lot of respect for him in terms of his marketing strategies and all that, but he really doesn't know how to manage our team and I'm afraid that my attitude shows. I really need to learn to fix my poker face (because I don't have one). Heh. At the same time, I don't want to have to "fix" my poker face. Where did all the purity of my thoughts and feelings go? I'd rather not have to hide my feelings and just be able to come to terms with my boss's working style and just be able to deal. How irritating.

I wonder if getting older just means finding out that you're not the person you thought you were and becoming more aware of your glaring flaws (like how irresponsible I can be). I never knew how irritatingly sensitive I was. It's one of those things where I sit back and go, geez I need to get over myself. I like to think I'm getting better, but who knows.

That aside, I'm almost done with work. I think another month or two, and my boss will let me quit. I kind of blew up on him and I think that it kind of scarred him. ^^;; He kind of looks at me differently. O.o That was probably a bad choice on my part -lesson learned. At least it works in my favor though. Now I can quit without as much resistance and properly prep for grad school.

Oh yes, for the (very) few readers out there, I postponed grad school to work at this company - loved the job at first, still kind of like it but realized that I'm only getting older and need to start on my career path. Hence, I'm quitting and getting ready for grad school. Gonna try to find a BS job where the working hours are strictly 9-5 (or whatever) so I can clock out and study! Or might just do some freelance. Not sure.

Plans to go to Japan in September.

And, to totally brag about my travels, here's my tentative yearly plan:
Feb - Bali for a week
March - Chicago for a week
April - Chicago/Cali for a week (continued from the March trip)
May - SOUTHEAST ASIA BABYYYYY (gonna be backpacking more or less with Peggy <- hs friend :D)
June - Cali (sister's wedding)
Sept - Japan

I want to go to Japan to work but we'll see how that goes.

I CAN'T WAAAAAIT. Gonna be broke as hell in June, but I plan on working my butt of that summer if I can. :)

That startling realization

Ever feel a certain way and then suddenly come to understand that what you're feeling is happiness? or depression? or anger?

I feel like I'm oddly detached from my emotions and I don't realize how deeply something affects me until I sort of do this mental check-up on myself and realize, oh, I'm kind of depressed. Or oh, I guess I'm really stressed out.

I wonder if its the same for other people.

All I know is that I'm tired, and I'm done with working this hard for this company.

I've been trying to write my resignation letter in my head and I can't think of a good enough excuse. "I want to go to grad school." "I want to pursue my dreams of becoming a professor." "My health is suffering because I'm working too much."

Meh.