I watch an anime about baking bread and all I want to do is eat bread. I watch an anime where the character likes ramen and all I want to do is eat ramen.
It's horrible how influence I am about these things. I see melon bread and I want to eat melon bread. -_-;; hahahahaha
What's worse is it isn't limited just to the anime I watch. I saw a billboard and a commercial about burgers and the next time I went out to eat, what did I feel like eating? Yes, a burger.
Ridiculous how the subconscious works. Or is it subliminal messaging? Whatever.
Anyway, talking of all this food has made me hungry. I want ramen.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
This is me, it seems
1. I have difficulty getting organized.
2. When given a task, I usually procrastinate rather than doing it right away.
3. I work on a lot of projects, but can't seem to complete most of them.
4. I tend to make decisions and act on them impulsively- like spending money, getting sexually involved with someone, diving into new activities, and changing plans.
5. I get bored easily.
6. No matter how much I do or how hard I try, I just can't seem to reach my goals.
7. I often get distracted when people are talking; I just tune out or drift off.
8. I get so wrapped up in some things I do that I can hardly stop to take a break or switch to doing something else.
9. I tend to overdo things even when they're not good for me -- like compulsive shopping, drinking too much, overworking, and overeating.
10. I get frustrated easily and I get impatient when things are going too slowly.
11. My self-esteem is not as high as that of others I know.
12. I need a lot of stimulation from things like action movies and video games, new purchases, being among lively friends, driving fast or engaging in extreme sports.
13. I tend to say or do things without thinking, and sometimes that gets me into trouble.
14. I'd rather do things my own way than follow the rules and procedures of others.
15. I often find myself tapping a pencil, swinging my leg, or doing something else to work off nervous energy.
16. I can feel suddenly depressed when I'm separated from people, projects or things that I like to be involved with.
17. I see myself differently than others see me, and when someone gets angry with me for doing something that upset them I'm often very surprised.
18. Even though I worry a lot about dangerous things that are unlikely to happen to me, I tend to be careless and accident prone.
19. Even though I have a lot of fears, people would describe me as a risk taker.
20. I make a lot of careless mistakes.
21. I have blood relatives who suffer from ADD, depression, bipolar disorder, or substance abuse.
So for those that know me, it's funny because almost everything on this list has been used to describe me ('cept the last one) at one point in my life or another. The key to this list is that I've dealt with these "symptoms" for pretty much all my life. The thing about this is that what I've read, basically everyone displays these symptoms, it's just if you've dealt with them for a really long time, it's more of an indicator that you have ADD (or ADHD, if it's severe).
So I'm back to looking into this whole ADD thing - I suppose because despite an informal diagnosis from a doctor friend and the research I've done, I still can't really decide whether or not I have ADD. I mean people often think I do and sometimes I think I do, but I think somewhere in the recesses of my brain, since I haven't received any formal confirmation, I still don't quite believe it.
Well, I suppose either way, it's just interesting to look into.
My newest theory on my inability to focus (outside of the fact that I haven't exercises in the last couple days) is (again) with Marx. The thing about working to live or whatever - "You are what you work" kind of struck a chord with me. Am I really living through the things that I do? When am I truly "alive" or living out the things that define/make me me? There are so many things that people do that they don't want to do (outside of the chores and things that make us into the responsible adults that we're supposed to be) but that aside, when people mindlessly watch TV or do something that they aren't engaged in - is that not another form of what Marx called "estranged labor" (essentially work that does not have the self in it)? When one is not invested or engaged in the things that one does, is that not a departure of the self?
But I suppose the counterargument is that one cannot live this life without doing things that require a departure from the self - I mean how invested can you be in doing the dishes or cleaning unless one actively enjoys doing just menial tasks? But there are people that do! Does that mean everyone has to? And then again, since I said outside of the daily chores that one should be doing, what about watching TV? The psychological/cognitive science (I forget which branch it was) mentioned the whole thing about cognitive load - like if you're thinking too much (or use your brain too much), you need to "relax" or rest your brain or else it'll fry (obviously not literally). Well, that's the thing, I wonder if there are more "self"-like activities than just being a vegetable that we now call relaxing.
I don't know. I suppose all activities, including the ones that one is interested in, require a certain amount of cognitive load - it's just that doing work that one dislikes requires a heavier load it seems (because you're forcing yourself to go the opposite way you want to go) so you wear yourself out more, right? (I make this statement quite warily because I don't know if there's any basis for it - I feel like I might've heard something somewhere about this but since I can't remember my source, I'm just going to pretend I made it up).
Thursday, April 18, 2013
How I get work done, apparently
From a friend's blog (knowing her nature, she probably wouldn't want me to link it, so I won't):
"this is how ruth writes her papers. :p
it's like magic.
jkkkkkkkk don't kill me! haha."
And then from my profile picture on fb:
"This is how I find my sister 'studying' :-P" -my sister
So apparently my studying gets done by me sleeping. ^^;; It's true though - when I concentrate a lot or too much, I (sadly) get really sleepy. So what happens? I take a nap. Or, as of late, play Tetris Battle. It helps me process what I just learned (I actually mean that in all honesty). There was this study done where researchers had a group of people do a hard math problem and gave them the same amount of time to solve it with one group sleeping in between that and the other group just staying up and trying to work through it. The group that slept got to the answer faster. Pretty much what they said happened is that while you sleep, your brain makes connections that it normally wouldn't while awake so sometimes solutions to problems will arise from sleeping. This is also why people sometimes have really weird dreams.
Anyway, I did a quick search online and it seems that the study has been replicated (I think the one I read was done by Northwestern) but the one I found online is here.
So that thought aside, the sad truth is that although I "study" in this manner, in the end, what happens is I get very little studying done and hope that somewhere in the recesses of my brain, I'll have remembered the material. -_-;; Thankfully I do absorb a lot during class and thus have less to study, but it doesn't change the fact that I have become extremely unproductive at studying.
This article thankfully helped me realize that I really do enjoy what I'm doing, and that I'm just not used to being happy "working." This I think is in part because I still very much subscribe (however unconsciously) to the Marxist idea of "estranged labor" in that the work I do is not who I am and that outside of work is where I need to define myself. However, this fails when I am trying to do work that I enjoy because I cannot alienate myself from my work and truthfully, I don't want to divorce myself from it. So it's a growing/learning process to force myself to do the things that I like (as paradoxical as it sounds).
Btw, to explain "estranged labor," it's summed up pretty much by "I live to work and I work to live." The self (in what makes a person human and what defines the self, which Marx says are the activities one does) has been denied, objectified and alienated because the work that one does is not an expression of the self (nor does the person feel any kind of connection to it and in the same token, does the person have ownership of such work) and so by doing work that is not one's own, one actively participates in what Marx called the "mortification" of man (pretty much you are slowly killing yourself by doing work that you do not feel ownership of). It's kind of a given nowadays that the work one does is separate from the self but Marx points this out and I agree that there is something inherently wrong with that.
Anyway, it's kind of all over the place because I think that I still have some tweaking to do (in what I've learned - I think I'm still kind of off-target in my accuracy in describing Marx and other things I've learned so far) but (poor explanation aside), what all this thinking boils down to is that I need to stop stressing/worrying about my grades and simply execute/live because I am working to live in a way that will define who I am and not as a means to simply exist (as Marx roughly put it).
Monday, April 15, 2013
Bakhtin
"Language - like the living concrete environment in which the consciousness of the verbal artist lives - is never unitary."
Finally! A literary theorist whose writing I enjoy!
Well for now (since I'm not done reading him). I just like how he calls a writer a "verbal artist". It makes writing seem more like a craft - an art than simply a means of communication.
Finally! A literary theorist whose writing I enjoy!
Well for now (since I'm not done reading him). I just like how he calls a writer a "verbal artist". It makes writing seem more like a craft - an art than simply a means of communication.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
The mind and body
So this is kind of an extension from the previous post but it turned into something completely different and random so I separated the post. If you think about it, what one's body does and what one thinks one's body should do are often times at odds with each other. Like with the fat thing (see previous post), your mind tells you that food is good, you like cookies and thus, you will eat all the cookies in the bag when your body is very clearly telling you to stop eating because you're full and you want to throw up. Your brain overrides those concerns and you eat until you barf.
Why is that? When did our minds take so much precedence over our bodies to the point where we are quite literally working them to death? Working, eating, even the very idea of self-control implies this. Well, self-control is something else, I think (I'll get to that in a bit). When our bodies are tired, we force ourselves to stay awake or do all sorts of fun things (coffee, energy drinks, caffeine pills) to keep our bodies awake. And ironically, trying to keep the body awake like that decreases the functionality of the mind and body...
It's an interesting thing, the mind.
The very idea of self-control is interesting, too, if you think about it. Why must one tell oneself to stop doing something? Or why must one restrict oneself? I suppose this stems from an idea that the mind and body are one or whole, thus self-control shouldn't be necessary. So the very premise of the idea that the mind and body are one is flawed.
If the mind and body is not one, then it makes sense that one must exercise self-control in order to check the collisions of the mind and body, i.e. my mind wants my body to do this, but my body often will not respond accordingly or will not listen.
It works the other way too in the sense that one must exercise self-control because one does not have control over their body regardless of what one's mind tells them to do. With the eating analogy, it becomes, "My hand keeps reaching into the bag of chips even though my mind is telling me that I should stop."
But self-control also implies that there is a battle within the mind as well because there implies that you want to do more than one thing and you must stop yourself from doing one or more of those things.
Freud would've called the two sides of this battle the id and the superego but I hesitate to do so because I find his definitions somewhat inadequate. If anything, there is a battle of wills - what you want to do, what you should do, what you think you should do, what you've been told to do, etc. Perhaps one could argue that there are many sides - that there are multiple "wills" that are at odds with each other and that one must exercise self-control to do what is determined to be appropriate for that situation (though often times this does not happen). Like when you tell yourself that you should start your homework as soon as you get home and before you realize it, it's bedtime. What just happened there? Which "will" took over? Where was your mind then?
Eh. This one feels half-baked still. I suppose I still have to work on this thought but there is a separation with the mind and body and to me, that in and of itself is quite interesting.
Fat People
I've been going on tirades about this with some friends and I suppose living in Asia for 3 1/2 years has contributed to this and hopefully after saying my piece here, I'll finally be able to stop fat people-hating.
I don't hate fat people per se. I don't like people who are fat who complain about being fat and turn around and eat three glazed donuts. I don't like that fat people are celebrated in ways that they shouldn't be. The excuses (many of the times) is pure bullshit and I'm actually pretty heartless about it.
Now, keep in mind, there's a vast difference between fat and curvy. VAST. Curvy simply means you have a lot of curves, big boobs, big butt, big thighs, etc. You can't help it. That's fine, beautiful, and in this culture, celebrated. However, you can help the fat on those curves. That's what I mean by fat. I mean the fat as in it's tiring for you to get up and sit down. I mean the fat where people have to move aside to let you through. I mean the fat where it gets in the way for your daily life, where it starts affecting your health. I'm talking about the fat where your stomach sticks out so much that it's difficult to bend over and for women, people often mistake you for being pregnant. I'm talking about the fat on your body - call it body percent fat, where it folds over on itself and there are rolls. There are a multitude of excuses people have and it's all bullshit.
"I can't help it." Yes you can. Eat less. Start exercising. Then perhaps try to start eating healthier. FIGURE IT OUT. Humans were not created to be dumb - we have the one characteristic that other animals don't have, which is a history of knowledge that allows us to learn from dumb things humans did in the past (though some situations and some repeated mistakes indicate that perhaps humans will never learn......). We also are extremely adaptable - your body will get used to it and the results will show. Stop being a baby about it. Personally, I'd rather die still being able to move than being bedridden and crawling just to get around. Perhaps that's just me.
"I'm beautiful for the way I am." No, you're simply being unhealthy. I don't care how beautiful you think you are, you're going to die a horrible death. Okay, I'm exaggerating. A little. Seriously, the health risks go up exponentially when you're fat. Think about it.
"It's a family condition." And yet, there's so much one can do to alleviate such things. Humans were not created equal physically speaking. Some people are tall, others are short. Some have curly hair, others straight. Some have perfect skin, others have to deal with acne for the rest of their lives. Some people are hairy, others are pretty much hairless. People have genetic predispositions to things, yes, I get that. Just because it's "unfair" that the skinny bitch-friend you have can eat just about anything and not get fat does not give you an excuse to do the same. Some people can't eat the same things others can - that's just the way it works. Same thing with food allergies and lactose intolerance. FIGURE IT OUT. Just because one is more predisposed to obesity doesn't mean that one will be stuck being obese. No one who has a genetic predisposition for cancer is going to sit there and actively contribute to getting that cancer, now are they? How does it make any sense that someone with a genetic predisposition towards obesity will try to contribute to their obesity?
"But it's so good." So is smoking to people who can't quit. It doesn't change the fact that you're slowly eating yourself to death. (Yes, it's another extreme way of putting it, but sometimes I wonder, is it really?)
Now, that's not to say that food addiction doesn't exist. That is a problem and I remember watching this TV show where the person was likening their food addiction with a drug addiction. The person said, "Try telling a heroine addict that they can only have a small amount of heroine, three times a day." It's pretty much impossible to do, y'know? In that sense, the problem is far more complex than simply "Stop eating so much and exercise." So yes, I get that obesity with certain people is a problem. For the vast majority of Americans, it's simply laziness and complacency because people don't think it's that big of a deal. I say Americans because the rest of the world (at least what little I've seen of it) is not that fat or that unhealthy.
What's the problem with Americans? The food sucks. Oh, but what about the decadence? It isn't decadent, it's just sugar, butter and oil. Seriously, where are the flavors? Oh, MSG? Yeah, that's not really all that good. Try not to have it for a while. When you try to eat it again, it's actually kind of really nasty. The very food culture of America is why Americans are so freaking fat. If I want to go out and eat, my choices are severely limited by the fact that I want to eat healthy. So what do I do? I end up eating at home. Cooking's hard, especially for people who don't like it. So basically there's this problem of not cooking and going out to eat or buying things that are easy to make and it all being full of preservatives and all sorts of other nasty things.
But that's not an excuse. Fat is fat. Fat is unhealthy. And it's gross.
That's not to say that the skinny people out there are necessarily any better. Bulimia, anorexia and the rest stem from this problem with body image. Yes yes yes, everyone wants to look good, media promotes that women (and men to a certain extent) have to look a certain way, blah blah blah. This conversation's been reiterated so many times it's nauseating to rehash.
What it comes down to is this: if you think you're fat, how healthy are you? Do you exercise regularly? Do you eat healthy? (and don't be forgiving, I mean healthy to an extreme - few desserts, cutting out a vast majority of the unhealthy fat and sugar, etc. People's diets will differ because different types of food work differently with different people - just the way it is. Some people can process a lot of carbs, others need to cut down on them, etc.) Do you overeat a lot? I actually think this is one of the biggest problems in America. The portions are HUGE and for whatever reason, everyone feels like they need to finish everything. When you overeat, the only person to suffer is you. It's like shooting yourself in the foot and trying to run a marathon. You aren't going to get very far. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you're doing all the above and you still think you're fat, then y'know what? Hey, you're doing what you can and I have nothing to say. Power to you. You probably look better than you think you do. And you probably feel a lot better too. That's what's important. If you feel healthy, then honestly, who gives a crap about how you look? (Note that feeling good has nothing to do with it - there is a difference.)
The sad thing about this post though, is that I too am guilty of eating unhealthy. Like I said, the culture tends to that. We celebrate birthdays with a cake. We bake people cookies/baked good for various reasons or give out candy to children for various holidays (Easter, Halloween, etc.). Candy and chocolate make quick snacks.
I like my chocolate. I think though, what people don't realize is how unhealthy these things are. Everything in moderation - that's the key to health (or so I've heard). Yet the amount of sugar in one cookie, or in one cupcake or doughnut already exceeds that "moderation" or balance that one apparently should seek when it comes to sugar/fat intake. In the end, I don't know. I guess it was a pretty big shock to me when I came back to America and I went from being "normal" in Asia to "skinny." And I don't think I'm particularly skinny because I associate skinny with unhealthy too.
And when it comes down to it, I shouldn't even be judging people for what they eat, especially because I'm not perfect either. I keep going through these ridiculous phases of various types of unhealthy food - chocolate (though dark chocolate is healthier and thankfully, it's also what I like), doughnuts (this one was bad), red velvet anything (mainly cakes and cupcakes).... Still, I try to keep the portions down (usually 1/4 or less of what is there...). And because I've been eating healthier, eating less and exercising pretty much every day, my body rejects all the fatty crap that I shouldn't be eating. My body complains when I eat too much grease and I'm thankful for that because then I listen and I stop.
Anyway, I started going on this huge random tangent, but now I'm going to make it into a separate post.
So yeah. Fat people. I don't hate them. I just think they're the epitome of unhealthiness and laziness. Yes, I'm overgeneralizing. I have several bigger friends and I don't judge them for being the size that they are. I worry about their health and encourage them to be healthy (which is pretty much all I can do as a friend, right?) but I don't judge them simply because of their size. I think what it comes down to is that the very existence of a group of people who are unhealthy to the point where it physically manifests itself is why I am so heartless to the idea of fat people (moreso than the individuals themselves). And in many ways, I blame culture for it.
Eh, it's a problem that can't be solved, which is why I think I bitch about it so much. Maybe somewhere in my head, I think that if I talk about it enough, the problem will spontaneously get fixed somehow. *shrug*
I don't hate fat people per se. I don't like people who are fat who complain about being fat and turn around and eat three glazed donuts. I don't like that fat people are celebrated in ways that they shouldn't be. The excuses (many of the times) is pure bullshit and I'm actually pretty heartless about it.
Now, keep in mind, there's a vast difference between fat and curvy. VAST. Curvy simply means you have a lot of curves, big boobs, big butt, big thighs, etc. You can't help it. That's fine, beautiful, and in this culture, celebrated. However, you can help the fat on those curves. That's what I mean by fat. I mean the fat as in it's tiring for you to get up and sit down. I mean the fat where people have to move aside to let you through. I mean the fat where it gets in the way for your daily life, where it starts affecting your health. I'm talking about the fat where your stomach sticks out so much that it's difficult to bend over and for women, people often mistake you for being pregnant. I'm talking about the fat on your body - call it body percent fat, where it folds over on itself and there are rolls. There are a multitude of excuses people have and it's all bullshit.
"I can't help it." Yes you can. Eat less. Start exercising. Then perhaps try to start eating healthier. FIGURE IT OUT. Humans were not created to be dumb - we have the one characteristic that other animals don't have, which is a history of knowledge that allows us to learn from dumb things humans did in the past (though some situations and some repeated mistakes indicate that perhaps humans will never learn......). We also are extremely adaptable - your body will get used to it and the results will show. Stop being a baby about it. Personally, I'd rather die still being able to move than being bedridden and crawling just to get around. Perhaps that's just me.
"I'm beautiful for the way I am." No, you're simply being unhealthy. I don't care how beautiful you think you are, you're going to die a horrible death. Okay, I'm exaggerating. A little. Seriously, the health risks go up exponentially when you're fat. Think about it.
"It's a family condition." And yet, there's so much one can do to alleviate such things. Humans were not created equal physically speaking. Some people are tall, others are short. Some have curly hair, others straight. Some have perfect skin, others have to deal with acne for the rest of their lives. Some people are hairy, others are pretty much hairless. People have genetic predispositions to things, yes, I get that. Just because it's "unfair" that the skinny bitch-friend you have can eat just about anything and not get fat does not give you an excuse to do the same. Some people can't eat the same things others can - that's just the way it works. Same thing with food allergies and lactose intolerance. FIGURE IT OUT. Just because one is more predisposed to obesity doesn't mean that one will be stuck being obese. No one who has a genetic predisposition for cancer is going to sit there and actively contribute to getting that cancer, now are they? How does it make any sense that someone with a genetic predisposition towards obesity will try to contribute to their obesity?
"But it's so good." So is smoking to people who can't quit. It doesn't change the fact that you're slowly eating yourself to death. (Yes, it's another extreme way of putting it, but sometimes I wonder, is it really?)
Now, that's not to say that food addiction doesn't exist. That is a problem and I remember watching this TV show where the person was likening their food addiction with a drug addiction. The person said, "Try telling a heroine addict that they can only have a small amount of heroine, three times a day." It's pretty much impossible to do, y'know? In that sense, the problem is far more complex than simply "Stop eating so much and exercise." So yes, I get that obesity with certain people is a problem. For the vast majority of Americans, it's simply laziness and complacency because people don't think it's that big of a deal. I say Americans because the rest of the world (at least what little I've seen of it) is not that fat or that unhealthy.
What's the problem with Americans? The food sucks. Oh, but what about the decadence? It isn't decadent, it's just sugar, butter and oil. Seriously, where are the flavors? Oh, MSG? Yeah, that's not really all that good. Try not to have it for a while. When you try to eat it again, it's actually kind of really nasty. The very food culture of America is why Americans are so freaking fat. If I want to go out and eat, my choices are severely limited by the fact that I want to eat healthy. So what do I do? I end up eating at home. Cooking's hard, especially for people who don't like it. So basically there's this problem of not cooking and going out to eat or buying things that are easy to make and it all being full of preservatives and all sorts of other nasty things.
But that's not an excuse. Fat is fat. Fat is unhealthy. And it's gross.
That's not to say that the skinny people out there are necessarily any better. Bulimia, anorexia and the rest stem from this problem with body image. Yes yes yes, everyone wants to look good, media promotes that women (and men to a certain extent) have to look a certain way, blah blah blah. This conversation's been reiterated so many times it's nauseating to rehash.
What it comes down to is this: if you think you're fat, how healthy are you? Do you exercise regularly? Do you eat healthy? (and don't be forgiving, I mean healthy to an extreme - few desserts, cutting out a vast majority of the unhealthy fat and sugar, etc. People's diets will differ because different types of food work differently with different people - just the way it is. Some people can process a lot of carbs, others need to cut down on them, etc.) Do you overeat a lot? I actually think this is one of the biggest problems in America. The portions are HUGE and for whatever reason, everyone feels like they need to finish everything. When you overeat, the only person to suffer is you. It's like shooting yourself in the foot and trying to run a marathon. You aren't going to get very far. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you're doing all the above and you still think you're fat, then y'know what? Hey, you're doing what you can and I have nothing to say. Power to you. You probably look better than you think you do. And you probably feel a lot better too. That's what's important. If you feel healthy, then honestly, who gives a crap about how you look? (Note that feeling good has nothing to do with it - there is a difference.)
The sad thing about this post though, is that I too am guilty of eating unhealthy. Like I said, the culture tends to that. We celebrate birthdays with a cake. We bake people cookies/baked good for various reasons or give out candy to children for various holidays (Easter, Halloween, etc.). Candy and chocolate make quick snacks.
I like my chocolate. I think though, what people don't realize is how unhealthy these things are. Everything in moderation - that's the key to health (or so I've heard). Yet the amount of sugar in one cookie, or in one cupcake or doughnut already exceeds that "moderation" or balance that one apparently should seek when it comes to sugar/fat intake. In the end, I don't know. I guess it was a pretty big shock to me when I came back to America and I went from being "normal" in Asia to "skinny." And I don't think I'm particularly skinny because I associate skinny with unhealthy too.
And when it comes down to it, I shouldn't even be judging people for what they eat, especially because I'm not perfect either. I keep going through these ridiculous phases of various types of unhealthy food - chocolate (though dark chocolate is healthier and thankfully, it's also what I like), doughnuts (this one was bad), red velvet anything (mainly cakes and cupcakes).... Still, I try to keep the portions down (usually 1/4 or less of what is there...). And because I've been eating healthier, eating less and exercising pretty much every day, my body rejects all the fatty crap that I shouldn't be eating. My body complains when I eat too much grease and I'm thankful for that because then I listen and I stop.
Anyway, I started going on this huge random tangent, but now I'm going to make it into a separate post.
So yeah. Fat people. I don't hate them. I just think they're the epitome of unhealthiness and laziness. Yes, I'm overgeneralizing. I have several bigger friends and I don't judge them for being the size that they are. I worry about their health and encourage them to be healthy (which is pretty much all I can do as a friend, right?) but I don't judge them simply because of their size. I think what it comes down to is that the very existence of a group of people who are unhealthy to the point where it physically manifests itself is why I am so heartless to the idea of fat people (moreso than the individuals themselves). And in many ways, I blame culture for it.
Eh, it's a problem that can't be solved, which is why I think I bitch about it so much. Maybe somewhere in my head, I think that if I talk about it enough, the problem will spontaneously get fixed somehow. *shrug*
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