Influence

Man I hate it when I have something to write about and the moment passes and then I suddenly have less to say. It's like a moment's inspiration is just that - a moment. :\

Lately I've been thinking about the people around me and the influence they've had on me. I realize that as we get older, we have a tendency to surround ourselves with people that think like us - that's a given in a sense, but  it ends up emphasizing the qualities we like about ourselves or (if the whole group is somewhat delusional (to use a strong word)) they become self-righteous. However, I realized lately that a lot of people don't have that much of a choice of who to surround themselves with or sometimes, they just put up with people whose qualities they don't like.

More and more, I realize how easily influenced I am by those around me. Because of this, I realized that I need to be more careful of who I am around and what I am around.

Korean society has influenced me in such a way that I no longer feel like I am a part of the adult population. In part, this has to do with the fact that I have been living with my parents for the past 3 1/2 years and it is not only socially acceptable in Korea, it is the social norm. I see the merits in living with one's parents, and I'm sure there are many many people who are extremely self-sufficient adults who live with their parents but I am not one of those people. I feel like I've become a child again. An overgrown child, but a child nonetheless.

Another factor I think has to do with the fact that I don't have regular working hours. Combined with the fact that I've been constantly told that I'm "young" (though there's the constant reminder that I need to get married), I feel like I can be irresponsible. Or perhaps I'm just not cut out to work from home. :\ Eh.

What's interesting is that there's apparently a phenomenon in our generation called the "Kidult." I've actually never seen this term anywhere (just heard it from a friend) but I completely and totally agree with what the term implies. I feel like I am one of them. I've become irresponsible and lazy. This usually stems from a complete lack of a sense for time and a complete and total lack of motivation. I don't think it has to do with any underlying depression that I'm denying (I do admit I get depressed sometimes) but the simple fact that I don't feel like I've grown up. I don't look that much older in my eyes, I don't have adult interests (politics bore me), and I don't act like an adult, nor is there any real motivation for me to. I mean there are obvious physical differences that come with age but the change is so gradual that it soon becomes part of the fabric of who I define myself to be (which is not an adult).

I like to think that I no longer think like a high schooler but I still like watching cartoons and having the freedom to eat cookies for breakfast (which is a bad idea).  Even when I was working in NY and living more or less on my own, I had a pretty irresponsible lifestyle. I mean granted, I worked out and ate somewhat healthy, if I had an anime I was into, I wouldn't sleep and it would affect my work (it wasn't too bad because I'd usually make up for it by sleeping really early the next day...).

I don't know. Perhaps what it is, is that I feel a discord between my vision of what an adult should be at my age and how I am and how I feel. I wonder if children look at me and think the same thing I did when I was their age. "Wow, they have it all figured out."

Adults don't know jack. That's the conclusion that I've come to as an adult. Yes, wisdom comes with experience and so older people know better. For the most part. But the thing is, just because they were able to get through some kind of experience a certain way, doesn't mean it was the best way or the most efficient way. Do adults really know? Not really. So many theories and approaches are overturned with the next generation. A couple generations ago, the mantra was "work hard." Our generation, it's "be happy." This affects the advice we give to our friends. "Does it make you happy?" "If you're that unhappy, you should just quit."

I was talking about this to a friend and I think it's true. Our generation as lost the true meaning behind happiness. Happiness isn't found by seeking happiness as much as it is found through seeking some kind of fulfillment. I suppose you could say it has to do with finding one's "meaning" in life. This could be religious or whatever but when you're happy with what you're doing - you feel like your life has some kind of meaning behind it (to help people, create new technology, etc.), you find happiness. Our generation out of all others I feel seeks happiness the most out of life and I think in some ways fails the most at it. Some of the happiest people are the poorest or the hardest working or the most diligent. I feel like maybe we've lost that somewhere along the way. We've forgotten that sometimes hard work and hardships are what bring happiness. We start giving excuses like "This does not make me happy" and give up when it gets too hard. I mean the previous generations worked too hard in some ways - probably because they had to. They didn't have the luxury of quitting their jobs. I think we've hit the other extreme. People nowadays still work hard, but I feel like there's so much less of that sense of commitment and that's where we've failed.

Meh. In many ways I'm overgeneralizing and I can actually think of some cases that directly disprove what I'm saying, but I guess I feel like that's the running theme in what I've seen of society (both in Korea and the States).

I guess what it comes down to is influence. People need to be conscious of what they're being influenced by. That's something that I've realized I need to change. I get influenced by just about anything. A good movie. A character I like in an anime. People that annoy me. People who react a certain way in public situations. The public eye. It's so annoying that it's so hard for me to extract myself from those things. And some of it done so unconsciously!

Oh well.  I suppose it's at times like this where a re-evaluation of oneself and one's values is what allows one to really make the changes necessary to stop those influences from taking over, right?