This is me, it seems

1. I have difficulty getting organized.
2. When given a task, I usually procrastinate rather than doing it right away.
3. I work on a lot of projects, but can't seem to complete most of them.
4. I tend to make decisions and act on them impulsively- like spending money, getting sexually involved with someone, diving into new activities, and changing plans.
5. I get bored easily.
6. No matter how much I do or how hard I try, I just can't seem to reach my goals.
7. I often get distracted when people are talking; I just tune out or drift off.
8. I get so wrapped up in some things I do that I can hardly stop to take a break or switch to doing something else.
9. I tend to overdo things even when they're not good for me -- like compulsive shopping, drinking too much, overworking, and overeating.
10. I get frustrated easily and I get impatient when things are going too slowly.
11. My self-esteem is not as high as that of others I know.
12. I need a lot of stimulation from things like action movies and video games, new purchases, being among lively friends, driving fast or engaging in extreme sports.
13. I tend to say or do things without thinking, and sometimes that gets me into trouble.
14. I'd rather do things my own way than follow the rules and procedures of others.
15. I often find myself tapping a pencil, swinging my leg, or doing something else to work off nervous energy.
16. I can feel suddenly depressed when I'm separated from people, projects or things that I like to be involved with.
17. I see myself differently than others see me, and when someone gets angry with me for doing something that upset them I'm often very surprised.
18. Even though I worry a lot about dangerous things that are unlikely to happen to me, I tend to be careless and accident prone.
19. Even though I have a lot of fears, people would describe me as a risk taker.
20. I make a lot of careless mistakes.
21. I have blood relatives who suffer from ADD, depression, bipolar disorder, or substance abuse.

So for those that know me, it's funny because almost everything on this list has been used to describe me ('cept the last one) at one point in my life or another. The key to this list is that I've dealt with these "symptoms" for pretty much all my life. The thing about this is that what I've read, basically everyone displays these symptoms, it's just if you've dealt with them for a really long time, it's more of an indicator that you have ADD (or ADHD, if it's severe).

So I'm back to looking into this whole ADD thing - I suppose because despite an informal diagnosis from a doctor friend and the research I've done, I still can't really decide whether or not I have ADD. I mean people often think I do and sometimes I think I do, but I think somewhere in the recesses of my brain, since I haven't received any formal confirmation, I still don't quite believe it.

Well, I suppose either way, it's just interesting to look into.

My newest theory on my inability to focus (outside of the fact that I haven't exercises in the last couple days) is (again) with Marx. The thing about working to live or whatever - "You are what you work" kind of struck a chord with me. Am I really living through the things that I do? When am I truly "alive" or living out the things that define/make me me? There are so many things that people do that they don't want to do (outside of the chores and things that make us into the responsible adults that we're supposed to be) but that aside, when people mindlessly watch TV or do something that they aren't engaged in - is that not another form of what Marx called "estranged labor" (essentially work that does not have the self in it)? When one is not invested or engaged in the things that one does, is that not a departure of the self?

But I suppose the counterargument is that one cannot live this life without doing things that require a departure from the self - I mean how invested can you be in doing the dishes or cleaning unless one actively enjoys doing just menial tasks? But there are people that do! Does that mean everyone has to? And then again, since I said outside of the daily chores that one should be doing, what about watching TV? The psychological/cognitive science (I forget which branch it was) mentioned the whole thing about cognitive load - like if you're thinking too much (or use your brain too much), you need to "relax" or rest your brain or else it'll fry (obviously not literally). Well, that's the thing, I wonder if there are more "self"-like activities than just being a vegetable that we now call relaxing.

I don't know. I suppose all activities, including the ones that one is interested in, require a certain amount of cognitive load - it's just that doing work that one dislikes requires a heavier load it seems (because you're forcing yourself to go the opposite way you want to go) so you wear yourself out more, right? (I make this statement quite warily because I don't know if there's any basis for it - I feel like I might've heard something somewhere about this but since I can't remember my source, I'm just going to pretend I made it up).