Wake up calls

Today, I was reminded that there's a person I aspire to be. Not what I eventually want to become career-wise, but the person I want to become on a day-to-day basis. Oh, it's stupid little things (like someone who doesn't waste time on 9gag or play stupid Facebook games, i.e. Candy Crush... -_-;;) but it's also lifestyle changes that I've been working on with some success. Working out regularly, eating (relatively) healthy, waking up early, etc.

For various reasons, and through an interesting conversation (that was also eye-opening because of the differences in perspective), I realized that I had forgotten of this person I want to become.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm simply denying the person I am by aspiring to become someone else, but honestly, I just think that there are two versions of me (in taking them to the extremes).

There's the incredibly unmotivated, somewhat depressed, ridiculously lazy, yet good-natured me. Kind of fat, enjoys a life of mediocrity, but is satisfied with it and simply gets by. This is I think what I end up defaulting to because it's easy.

Then there's the opposite, the diligent, focused, hardworking me who cares about the quality of my life beyond just finding that minimal day-to-day satisfaction. The me that seeks happiness and success in what I do (in the sense of being financially independent doing something I love). Me, who spends my time productively.

I feel like I'm so far from that, yet today reminded me that that's who I want to be and that's why I work, that's why I'm trying to do what I do instead of seeking something simple and easy, instead of doing something that falls into my lap.

I suppose there's two sides to this, but I prefer to think that I'm seeking a path that's worth going to the trouble of doing, rather than doing something that I know I can master in a couple years and then get bored with.

I was also reminded that I want to become a person with depth - that my hobbies and activities help refine me (though not define me - that would be an unfortunate narrowing of who I am) and that I seek to do all these things because there is far more depth to life than some of the pointless mundane things we do.

And yet, very ironically I just wasted the last two hours on 9gag and Candy Crush.

*sigh*