Anger

I think I have a lot of hidden rage or anger. Perhaps it could be called a deep sense of injustice. I'm not sure but I think that it stems from a sense of powerlessness too. People do what they can given their situations but when one knows that one has little power and the injustice is larger than themselves, what is it that one can do?

I think a lot of people turn to crime when it becomes too much to handle. However, perhaps my anger lies below the surface because I sense the fruitlessness of leading a life of crime. Crime seems to be a foolish outlet to me.

I guess I fight my own battles in my own quiet way. I found that the idea of killing someone with kindness does work and perhaps I've rerouted my anger here. Doing good in the place of evil allows one to also build up one's character.

But I suppose that doesn't change the fact that the rage or anger or whatever is still there. Perhaps I've never noticed it until recently because there have been changes in the way that the powerless are viewed and treated. Perhaps this outlet allows people like me to realize the anger that was always there but was never expressed because there was no way to articulate it.

I don't know.

One of the thoughts is this (though this will take this thought train into a different direction):
Irritation, unresolved, leads to frustration. It leads to anger, which unchecked, leads to rage.

This whole idea of power, of empowerment, and of powerlessness, especially in light of societal influences is fascinating. I don't think that it's always a power dynamic, yet when relationships become defined as such, one cannot escape seeing all things through that lens.

To simply exist and be accepted is something that all who are marginalized fight for.

Even in acceptance though, can we ever escape the scrutiny of others? We are always watching, judging, assessing, criticizing, and critiquing. Perhaps that's what bothers me. I like to be unobserved in what I do and I don't like that people have access to me because that access leads to observation and all that comes with that.

Perhaps this goes allll the way back to the post I wrote years ago about being self-conscious...